Country House & Guests

amother

Sat, Aug 15 2009, 11:43 pm

This is our first summer that we have our own summer home in the country. My DH and I work full time so we only go up the house for Shabbos. Since we purchased this house we suddenly became very popular and get phone calls around the clock. The phone calls are asking outright to come for Shabbos to our home or just hinting. And some of these people don't call us once the entire year but in the summer time they are calling every week. I was wondering out there if other people that have homes in the country have this problem and how they handle it. Besides friends there is family that expects to be invited. We had some guests over the summer but I feel like I'm running a hotel. This week we just had enough of it. We have four bedrooms in our home in the country.

downsyndrome

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 12:02 am

You need to let all those want-to-be-guests know that you yourselves are also guests in your own summer home and that the summer is YOUR time to unwind and relax and not to host people all the time.
We also have our own summer home with 4 bedrooms and I don't host guests all the time. I don't invite (there are the exceptions, of course, and those are the people I REALLY want to have here) and if anybody would start hinting, I'd play dumb or come right out with it and say that we need the time for ourselves.

amother

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 12:13 am

Well when people ask we say cleary that we come up for shabbos and we are gone by Sunday and its a bit hard having guests when we are in and out. It is hard because all the linen has to be stripped, washed and the beds have to be made by the following Shabbos again. DH heard back through the grape vine from third parties that ______ thinks he is not a nice guy because he did not have them for Shabbos. Also, both sets of parents were not happy with one invite only over the summer. We also have the ones that hint that they will like to borrow our home during the week. And we say NO. I just don't understand how people think that they are entitled to a free place on somebody else's account. I'm sorry I'm venting myself here but I had enough.

First Lady

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 12:59 am

One of my family members has a nice summer home. She made it very clear to us all that she's not interested in having guests and she purchased this summer home for herself and her family.
Nobody invites themselves and everybody understands her.
Make it clear that this house was purchased because of vacation purposes and that is exactly how you want to use it.

amother

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 2:12 am

Just curious if that family member respects your privacy too and doesnt invite herself to you when she wants to come to her rebbe that lives in your city? I dont mind having guest but I dont appreciate the same people that come to me have alot of excuses why they cant ever take me in.

amother

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 2:17 am

Op if you just go up for shabbos then I could understand why you would say no and it's totally normal you can say we just go up for shabbos and we need to relax and in the winter we will gladly have you just this summer it's too hectic.

On a side note I live in a neighborhood where people don't have money for summer homes and they ae so excited when some distant relative will give them the house for the weekend. People have no where to go in the summer and they will try to go anywhere that they can for free because they can't afford to go away otherwise. If you make yourself clear in the beginning then they won't bother you again.

amother

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 8:32 am

Well you know how everybody wants to go away in the summer to the country from the city especially for free.
Actually when we told parents that we can't have them again because its our vacation home they offered to bring all the food up with them for everybody so we should have them more often in the country. My DH did not take up the offer.

pacifier

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 1:21 pm

amother wrote:

Actually sister in law asked for the house for during the week and some friends also asked:)
I just don't know how people have such chutzpah

why is it chutzpah from your sister in law to ask if she could use your house when you are not using it? You could rent it to her for a week or even just a few days with no harm to your country getaway. (unless you know for sure that she won't take care of it...). If I could afford a country house, I'd be glad to share with my family as long as they keep everything clean and in order...

amother

Sun, Aug 16 2009, 1:42 pm

I also enjoy Sharing my country house. Meanwhile I have never had a bad experience so I will be continuing to let my friends and family use it when I am not using it. Its a two way street. They help me out, invite me and take care of my when I am on bedrest this is the least I can do when I dont actually have to do anything.

pacifier

Mon, Aug 17 2009, 12:07 am

amother wrote:

pacifier - Sister in law won't pay a dollar for the place. She will eat all the food and not replace a thing.

then it's a different issue altogether. If she doesn't respect your property, she can't enjoy it.

Raisin

Mon, Aug 17 2009, 6:21 am

If I had a country house I would probably be happy to let responsible people use it if they paid something towards expenses, and replaced all food they used. (electricity, etc)

happyone

Mon, Aug 17 2009, 9:35 am

downsyndrome wrote:

You mean you won't invite me out there Downs? Wink

I can totally relate. I don't own a summer home, but do live in a very large house in the Monsey area. I get phone calls for invitations literally from Pesach to Sukkos. People think if you live out of Brooklyn and in a suburban area your house is a hotel and is open to any people living the City Life. Good think we don't (generally) mind hosting, and my children love guest. I do say no when I need my space and learned over the years that you have to be honest and open with people.

downsyndrome

Mon, Aug 17 2009, 9:52 am

Nah, happyone, you are one of those strongly-desired guests, but where do we place your whole brood?

In all seriousness, some of the invitation requests are utterly ridiculous. I had a Yerushalmi guy who was pestering my husband that he wanted to stay by us for Shabbos here in the country so that he could go fundraising on Motzei Shabbos. My husband told him that he can come for meals, but sleeping was a problem. He kept pestering again and again. C'mon!!! What if I need to come out during the night to a child who needs me and Mr. Yerushalmi needs to use the bathroom in the middle of the night? Do we bump? Do we shake hands? At one point he almost had my husband convinced to take him in. I yelled 'NO! where's tznius?!' My husband said, 'if he doesn't seem to care, why should you?' I said, "because tznius is my mitzvah and if he doesn't care, well I do!!" End of story.

chocolate moose

Mon, Aug 17 2009, 10:08 am

A lot of ppl push and push. Not everyone the same delicate sensibilities.

For example, I don't host on a regular Shabbos as dh and I are tired on Friday nights, and we eat in shul by day. On yomtov we like to eat some meals out. Some people think that's just awful, not to have a big full noisy table for every meal, all year round !! But it's not for us.