So.... what do YOU do with the kids?

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur

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What do you do with your kids on RH / YK?

They daaven with me

12%

[ 9 ]

They attend Children's service / daaven by themselves

[ 3 ]

They play nicely with their friends at shul

[ 5 ]

They run around wild at the shul

[ 0 ]

I'm getting a babysitter / Relatives are looking after them

21%

[ 15 ]

Other

54%

[ 38 ]

Total Votes : 70

slushiemom

Fri, Sep 18 2009, 12:20 am

Mrs Bissli wrote:

Oops, should have thought of "stay home with the kids, doin' mummy job" bit. You guys are absolutely right. Maybe now my kids are older it's my way of blocking memories from early tough years. Oh, wait a minute, I always managed to get a babysitter so I could daaven at the shul at least a good chunk.

Where do you live? I'm in Israel, and can't even begin to imagine where I'd find a babysitter. Last year for YK I did a rotation with 5 mothers, we were at each person's house for about 2 hours, and for each shift one mother got a break to daven, rest, whatever. It was great in the beginning, but by around 3 I could barely move (I'm a horrible faster) so I just stayed home, this year I'm not joining I'll be with my 2 SIL's and their kids, so hopefully all the kids will be entertained and happy! Shana Tova everyone!

Twizzlers

Fri, Sep 18 2009, 12:33 am

octopus wrote:

lili wrote:

no options for moms who do their duty and stay at home with their kids?

I was thinking the same thing. Scratching Head

I'll join this crew. our shul is blowing for ladies 5 minutes after mussaf is over. so I plan to wait outside with the kids for dh to come out so he can watch them and I'll run in for shofar.

BARUCH HASHEM I have not been able to be in shul rosh hashana and yom kippur since I'm married due to children (except for 3 years ago when my sons bris was on rosh hashana Wink

)

Mrs Bissli

Fri, Sep 18 2009, 5:20 am

Obviously I'm in Chutz so "eyin problem" finding a babysitter. I really like the idea of mothers doing rota on YK, but I would be loathe to take late afternoon slot myself... Gotta make to the main service as there is no early miniyan (aka shalom bayis minyan so that men can daaven early to let wives come in for the main service) on Yamim Noraim and we don't have separate shofar blowing for women. DH probably busy on 2nd day going to visit hospitals with his shofar. Anyway tizku leshanim rabbot y'all!

RachelEve14

Fri, Sep 18 2009, 6:20 am

Mrs Bissli wrote:

When we do YK rotations no one is ever by themselves. Usually the morning people split and go to different houses, and in the afternoon other places. If there are 3 women there then one at a time we go off to a corner to davan alone, but it's more of a "keep each other company and give the kids something new to do" rotation than a "you watch my kids for a hour, I'll watch yours for an hour" type thing.

Hashem_Yaazor

Fri, Sep 18 2009, 9:45 am

Tova wrote:

Same shul plans as HY (will I see you?)

I suppose so Smile

lili

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 2:04 pm

even if I was in chuz laaretz I would never use a non jewish babysitter for my kids on the holiest days of the year

Zus

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 5:10 pm

No, me neither.

I do what I do every shabat: take the kids to shul with me for the last bit of the prayer. Yes that includes my 1 year old.
Today they behaved fairly well, we don't allow them to be a disturbance (or I take them out).
The baby was somewhat of a disturbance though when she started doing 'too-too-too' after the shofar and everybody started to giggle LOL

NotInNJMommy

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 8:40 pm

Shabos: went for birkas kohanim.

Yom Tov: went only for shofar, and left before musaf. didn't go back. My kids were meshuggy and needed naps, and I was close to meshuggy too. Felt our energy was better spent resting so I could make sure DH was fed at 2p when he got home, and I could parent the rest of the day.

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 10:51 pm

Looking at the results and NO ONE voted for 'let my kids run wild' So do the moms of all the children running wild just did not realize it or are none of them on Imamother?

My 7yo son (2nd grade) in mostly in groups, but we bring him in for important or child friendly parts.
My 10yo son (5th grade) in mostly in shul with DH, but can go out with the groups when he needed a change of scenery but only when they are being taught or for the snack time they have.
The shul has a wonderful teacher from the school that davened and taught 2nd - 5th (maybe also 6th grade) much of today (the younger kids got babysitters with just parents coming in for times to read stories, teach and sing songs) 6th grade and up had some sort of teen minyan.

pobody's nerfect

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 10:53 pm

I waited for my kid to come join us in this world. but s/he decided it's more comfy in the womb.

Atali

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 10:56 pm

Well, JC, I was one of the guilty mothers this RH, despite my best efforts.

I only took my kids for tekias shofar on the second day and nothing else. My mother watched the boys while I took the baby. During tekias shofar my oldest(5) ran away from my mother and into the mens section and started pretending to blow his shofar and playing with the paroches. We sent in a man to try to get him but he ran away from him (my DH is out of town). We tried our best to stop him and immediately took him home once we apprehended him.

Needless to say he got punished.

What was I supposed to do? Run into the mens section? Yell from the balcony?

So please be dan lkaf zchus on the mothers of the wild children. There is sometimes nothing that can be done.

Twizzlers

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 11:15 pm

Atali wrote:

So please be dan lkaf zchus on the mothers of the wild children. There is sometimes nothing that can be done.

I dont think anyone blames the mothers who have to bring young children to shul so they can hear shofar. I believe the shuls are to blame for not having a second blowing for women at a later time in the afternoon.
I grew up in a shul that always had a shofar blowing in the afternoon so the ladies could come without bringing children. when I went to my inlaws shul, I was shocked that shofar there is "bring enough cookies to shtup into your kids mouth because if you dont hear shofar now, there's nowhere else to go".
bh the shul we daven in now has a decent option for the women, as described in my previous post.

Atali

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 11:20 pm

Twizzlers wrote:

Atali wrote:

So please be dan lkaf zchus on the mothers of the wild children. There is sometimes nothing that can be done.

We didn't have a later shofar-blowing.

I actually would anyway want my kids to hear shofar and did not expect my son to act like that (he is usually at least somewhat better behaved). But after my experience this year I don't know what to do. Next year he will be six and therefore at the age of chinuch for shofar so he will have to hear it. Hopefully he will be better behaved next year.

octopus

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 11:24 pm

Atali wrote:

I bet you hakhel was the noisiest time of the year in shul. LOL

I really do think that sometimes ppl are not understanding of children making noise. Ppl get so uppity about a child making some noise (and believe me I try to be very considerate of others) but they will idol chatter in the beis haknesses. I feel bad that my dd wandered into the shul hallway (not shul proper- but some women were davening there) and she kept on saying "I want daddy" during the last kolos of the shofar. I took her out, hoping that no one was going to resent me. But truth is- what a beautiful thing to say during shofar blowing! Don't we all want our Father in Heaven to listen to us!

Atali

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 11:28 pm

Oh and I forgot to mention that my three-year-old started saying "Mommy, I want to go home" over and over again while I was saying shacharis shmoneh esrei (which I said very quickly, by myself, right after the tekios). I kept trying to get him to be quiet but that just made him talk louder.

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 11:43 pm

Atali wrote:

Oy, that must have been hard to watch. I know I am often in shul without my DH (or unable to catch his attention) and I wish we were able to enter the men's section to get our kids. Sometimes I see my 10 yo just lost and I wish I could go and point out the page or give him a hand.... And truely my comment was not about the kids being wild as much as how no mother chose that option:P BTW Atali, a one time thing is not running wild, thats just a kid getting away from us. I am also less judgmental on days when a shul does not have groups, or in shuls with no child care (we walk a long way to go to the shul with good groups for kids)
I really have to say that this year our shul REALLY had it together, and put together great programing for the children. It was a shame to see some children who just didnt want to go so they were just sitting around the halls looking bored, but the volunteers who were 'patrolling' did a great job at reminding then that they were in shul so even the ones who were not in groups were quiet for the most part.
Somehow there must have been some miscommunications about the timing and the groups ended about 20min before shul was over and I walked out into the hall to find my son playing wall ball in the hall--- I was not amused, and quickly took it away. So its not that my kids are perfect, but when I realized that the groups were out I quickly went to get my kids- just as you did your best to get your son when you realized that he had gotten away from you mom.
Its never the parents who worry that they were the ones with the occasional outburst that are the problem in shuls, its the parents who DONT realize that their child is the wild one and think its just normal, who take the 4yo kid out to the hall and tell them to behave, and then leave them there and walk back into shul to continue ignoring the child, that are the problem.

At least in our community we dont have a problem with the children actually in the shul, those are usually momentary outburst and cries that are quickly dealt with or ushered out. Its the ones in the halls who refuse to go to groups (ie they dont want to be supervised) that get into the most trouble.

Atali

Sun, Sep 20 2009, 11:52 pm

JC wrote:

Atali wrote:

BTW, my shul did have a babysitting program, but my kids refused to go. For some reason they never like shul babysitting program.

Thanks for the sympathy.

Mama Bear

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 12:16 am

My dh watched my kids during the break in his shul so I could go to shofar blowing. I was pretty annoyd when the many kids drowned out the voice of the shofar. there are 2 womens only shofar blowings here in willy!!! I would not go with kids who are busy crunching super snacks or jumpig off their older sib's laps while everyone else tries to be yotzei!

Rodent

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 12:32 am

Home with the kids. My husband does shofar at home. Last year we weren't together and I didn't hear the shofar, I was nowhere near a Jewish community to hear it elsewhere.

sped

Mon, Sep 21 2009, 12:36 am

[quote="octopus"]

Atali wrote:

I bet you hakhel was the noisiest time of the year in shul. LOL

You know, that is really nice and all, but there is no chiyuv for a woman to daven in shul at all! Yes, I do resent those who bring kids and disturb those who daven. I try to be dan l'kaf zechus because I can't imagine a R"H - Y"K without davening in shul.... I have been davening for years for that privilege.
OTOH, I have full respect for those who daven by the door and leave AS SOON as the first kid makes a "peep". I even heard a psak that a mother who tries to daven shemonah esrei with kids in shul needs to woalk out - even in the middle of her tefillah - if a child is disturbing others.

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