Teen girl getting married off early

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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Motek

Thu, Apr 27 2006, 8:42 pm

amother wrote:

What exactly is a "Bummy" girl? It sounds like a horribly derrogative term - is it supposed to be? Or is it some new Yeshivish lingo that I don't know about?!

new? at least 25 years old!

mommyluv wrote:

and hey-is a girl (or a guy) has a past that included promiscuity, and they then shaped up, at least you know about it when they are ready for dating!! its public knowledge-you know what ur getting if u marry someone who has been around... unlike so many other things that are all hush-hush in the frum communitym

Oh my, apparently you don't know that guys don't exactly advertise what they've done while abroad etc. They are far more likely to successfully hide their misdeeds than girls.

ektsm

Thu, Apr 27 2006, 8:44 pm

I agree MOtek

amother

Thu, Apr 27 2006, 8:50 pm

Quote:

Oh my, apparently you don't know that guys don't exactly advertise what they've done while abroad etc. They are far more likely to successfully hide their misdeeds than girls.

I agree about the guys but I think girls can hide it too unless theyve gone really far and are left with permenant 'damage'

ShiraMiri

Thu, Apr 27 2006, 8:51 pm

SaraG wrote:

First of all, as far as my own situation, yes I'm not that thrilled with the way my son is turning out, but he's not hanging with girls and even so, the rules are different for boy than for girls; if he was s-xually active, perhaps we would encourage him to marry.

But boys are not girls!!!!!

And anyway, yes, I fear for both of their futures, and for any kids they'd have.........

Man, I k"h have 4 sons - yet I STILL cringe at double standards. No, the rules are most certainly NOT different for boys than girls. That's only in your own head. Yep - boys are not girls, and I'd bet my horse any day on a girl who has gone off the derech to get back on the right track over a boy in the same situation.

This leniency in toleration of bad behavior - this "boys will be boys" mentality is someything to look more closely at if your son is ever to be held accountable for his actions and get back on track.

Feh!

Mad

ektsm

Thu, Apr 27 2006, 8:53 pm

You said it Marney.

southernbubby

Thu, Apr 27 2006, 8:53 pm

Teenagers are not great secret-keepers. Now that they have email and cell phones, it is even easier to spread the word of who has been with who.

ektsm

Thu, Apr 27 2006, 8:55 pm

Southernbubby you definetly have knowledge way beyond your years.

southernbubby

Thu, Apr 27 2006, 8:58 pm

Thanks for the compliment ektsm but I have to have something to show for 51 years on this planet Very Happy

chen

Thu, Apr 27 2006, 9:00 pm

MommyLuv wrote:

if she has other big issues besides for the sleeping around,

I am appalled, disgusted and downright sickened by what I am reading here. sarag said this girl goes out to clubs with boys. ok, so she goes to clubs with boys. why are you jumping to the conclusion that she is sleeping around? maybe she is. or maybe she's "only" smoking. or drinking. or doing drugs. OR MAYBE SHE'S DOING NOTHING AT ALL EXCEPT TALKING AND LISTENING TO MUSIC. ever consider that possibility?

pardon me while I go brush my teeth and remove the utterly revolting taste this thread has left in my mouth.

amother

Thu, Apr 27 2006, 11:43 pm

[/quote]
webster's new world dictionary: Bum: 1. a shabby, often drunken derelict 2. any shiftless or irresponsible person, loafer, idler, etc.

IOW, a low-life no-goodnik of whom one disapproves. by extension, then, we come to definition 4. [I]an incompetent person, esp. an athlete.[/quote]

Thanks Chen!

Rolling Laughter

southernbubby

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 9:47 am

While everyone is rushing to defend the girl, (who has been expelled from 2 schools) and get angry with SaraG, (who presented us with a scenario to give our opinions on), try to see what can be learned from this all too common problem.
In the frum world, reputation is EVERYTHING! We should try to judge everyone kindly but, because marriages are not random meetings but unions carefully chosen by families, a girl must do everything possible to have a sterling reputation. That is the reality and that is what we must teach our daughters.
The other question is as to whether marriage is the cure for wild or irresponsible behavior. Sometimes a frum and responsible young person wants to study for a career or work in "the world". He or she is currently frum but might in the future be influenced by the "outside". The rabbis will usually tell the parents to do everything possible to get the child married before damage occurs.
The girl in this thread has already shown poor behavior in many ways. It is a big gamble to put her in a responsible position and hope that she will rise to the occasion.

chen

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 9:51 am

amother wrote:

Thanks Chen!

Rolling Laughter

don't thank me, thank Webster and Google. Wink

chocolate moose

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 9:54 am

Just b/c we are good friends with the paretns - and it's from THEM that I've gotten the info BTW - doesn't mean my head is stuck in the sand.

I hate when paretns have the attitue that their kids are gold and can't do any wrong.

Please.

Call a spade a spade.

No, I doubt she's sleeping around. I doubt my son is either.

And yes, kids/teens make misdtakes.

But some of them do cause irreparable damage.

And it's that, that concerns me!

Man, I don't get any respect here....my point was not to jduge, but to discuss..and just vent my sadness.

Ruchel

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 10:50 am

ektsm wrote:

You said it Marney.

I can't stand the double standard either.

chocolate moose

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 11:06 am

I consider myself a feminist but I realize that there has to be a double standard for certain things in life.

Ruchel

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 11:56 am

SaraG wrote:

I consider myself a feminist but I realize that there has to be a double standard for certain things in life.

A promiscuous boy takes less risk than a promiscuous girl. But I still don't see how one is less forbidden/disgusting/immoral/anything than the other...

southernbubby

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 11:59 am

A woman is considered to have a more refined spiritual nature than a man which is why we are exempt from certain mitzvahs. When women fail to do the job of protecting morality, society goes down the drain.

chocolate moose

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 12:01 pm

all right, I'll grant you that.

chen

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 12:19 pm

SaraG wrote:

....my point was not to jduge, but to discuss..and just vent my sadness.

then perhaps you should reread your posts before sending to consider both how they may sound to others and whether you are accurately conveying what's on your mind.

chen

Fri, Apr 28 2006, 12:21 pm

SaraG wrote:

I consider myself a feminist but I realize that there has to be a double standard for certain things in life.

has to be? why?

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