PSA- you want to send to a certain school? Follow the rules

amother

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 11:49 am

I just got bashed on another thread for having an attitude regarding the chosing of a school for a child. Instead of hijacking that thread, I am posting here the following as it bothers me tremendously.
When you apply to a Bais Yakkov, Yeshiva or elsewhere, each school may have their own set of rules. As far as I know, rules are meant to be followed. No one is forcing you to follow them, but if you chose a school and agree to follow by the rules, then do yourself, your child and all of us in those schools who have chosen and want the rules adhered to for a reason- please follow them
.
No one is saying you have have to cover you hair, you can wear flip flops, short skirts and slits from here to wazoo- you can wear black tights, white tights, long shaitels, drive cars etc. but if a school says otherwise and by sending your kid to the school, your sending there implies you will follow the rules- please do so.

There. I feel better.

And, BTW, I dont have an attitude (based on another thread.) I have just been burnt from this. Badly.

louche

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 12:16 pm

How's this for really bad: a certain non-religious jewish-affiliated preschool has an excellent reputation. A nonjewish client of mine bragged to me that she told the school she was jewish so that her son could get in. She wears a cross, for goodness' sake, and no, her family were not crypto-Jews.

Inspired

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 12:25 pm

I agree. But what is there to do when your kid goes to play at his friends house whose father is a rebbe in the school and comes home to tell you he watched a video on the computer by them, which is against he school rules. Worse imo then individual parents not following the rules is a hanhala who knows the rules are not being followed by the majority of the parent body and keeps those rules "on the books" anyway, just turning a blind eye. THAT is ridiulous.

amother

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 12:37 pm

and even if your family is big in a particular school, or that is considered the "elite" school where you are, please don't send there and openly flaunt the rules. It makes it hard on the other parents, and makes it hard on the adminsitration who "cant say anything" to people with certain last names.

If people could just be responsible, and admit where they are and send kids to schools that are like that with a similar parent body, it'd be easier for everyone.

Why do I have to explain to my daughter why she has to follow the rules, when so and so clearly doesn't and clearly there are no consequences for her.

For example, if there is a rule that on rosh chodesh the girls can wear non-uniform shirts as long as they are white and have a collar, then don't let your daughter go to school in a white t-shirt with a sweatshirt over it saying it's a rosh chodesh outfit b/c the t-shirt is white.

Lady Godiva

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:09 pm

Yes, follow the rules while in the school building.
OP, what if one parent of the child is more religious than the other and pushes the other to send to a stricter school? Should the parent who is less strict change because of that?
Also, like Chocolate Moose said, sometimes a parent does not have many schools to choose from. Should this parent choose a school that is less or more strict than they are?

chaylizi

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:13 pm

I very proudly follow every rule the school has & my dd knows it too. but in my city there are 3 frum schools. the school where you can't own a tv, the school where you can own it but you can't watch it (BY) & the coed B'nei Akiva school. There is no more modern but separate school option. It is a big problem IMHO. The community school has to make all the parents happy- the yeshivish ones & the parents who feel caught because there are no better options & all the parents caught in between.

amother

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:16 pm

OK- so you are saying that mothers can show up at school with a sheitel, long skirt, stockings etc. AND ONCE THEY LEAVE THE SCHOOL THEY CAN WEAR SHORT SKIRTS, COVER 1/2 THEIR HAI,R WEAR TIGHT SHIRTS, SLITS UP TO THIE "TUCHIS", AND LOOK LIKE SLUTS?
I DONT THINK SO!
HOW CAN THAT BE OK?

Lady Godiva

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:17 pm

amother wrote:

Who are you to call a woman who doesn't dress like you, a slut?

chaylizi

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:18 pm

Inspired wrote:

chay- what does one do with a tv if not watch it??

I think the differentiation is that the parents can watch tv. also if I'm not mistaken, the kids can watch on the weekends. not precisely sure because the boys start school on sunday in 1st grade. I don't own a tv, so I'm safe.

amother

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:19 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

I understand your points. I just wonder if some of the parents hve no options of many schools to choose from.

this is what I was wondering as well.
I do agree with you, when you are talking about an area where there are choices. (even if the choices are just between one and two, not dozens).
But take my cousins. They live in a medium sized OOT community (meaning, not NY/LA/Miami, but a large city with numerous shuls a few restaurants, not a city with one chabad, one other shul, and a brand new mikvah) where there is ONE girls school. ONE bais Yaakov. thats it. no other option, other than a community high school that is geared toward more conservative and reform Jews (ie, maybe 5% of the student body is shomer shabbos). What if the school makes rules for the parents such as what they can wear outside school, and forbidding them from having a television in the home? What are my cousins supposed to do? send their kid to a basically non jewish private school instead? because that IS the only other option. So of course, they "say" they dont have a TV, when they do, and their daughters watch and keep their mouths shut.
So it is not so black and white. in NY, I agree with you, emphatically. In other big cities as well. but when there really is only one community school, its not so clear cut.

louche

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:22 pm

Inspired wrote:

chay- what does one do with a tv if not watch it??

use it as a paperweight?
some people don't watch broadcast Tv but use their TV only to watch videos. Probably not too many youngish ppl, as it's now possible to watch DVDs on your computer.

amother

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:23 pm

Lady Godiva wrote:

amother wrote:

Who are you to call a woman who doesn't dress like you, a slut?

This has nothing to do with me.

If a woman is wearing a tight short skirt with a slit all the way up her behind with a super tight shirt and 6 inch heels with painted toe nails- what should I call her?

Ok- I take that back- I'll call her someone who does not know better.

I apologize.

amother

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:24 pm

amother wrote:

Lady Godiva wrote:

amother wrote:

Who are you to call a woman who doesn't dress like you, a slut?

no, call her someone that has different standards than you.

call a spade a spade

you were out of line.

suck it up and apologize.

amother

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:26 pm

amother wrote:

Lady Godiva wrote:

amother wrote:

Who are you to call a woman who doesn't dress like you, a slut?

no, call her someone that has different standards than you.

call a spade a spade

you were out of line.

suck it up and apologize.

I did before you told me to.
Please look above.

Lady Godiva

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:30 pm

I'm waiting for the day that school rules will include ahavat yisrael. I hope that schools will enforce that rule too. I hope that it will bring less criticism and hatred among us Jews. I'm sure that God will be a lot happier with all of us then.

amother

Thu, Nov 05 2009, 1:30 pm

sarahd wrote:

Standards that are against halacha, aren't they?

I am not judging whether she is right or wrong.

I believe every inch of my hair must be covered. that is "MY" "HALACHA."

There are women who wear falls. they are not sluts to me.

and heck, there are modern orthodox women on here who dont cover their hair altogether! while I dont know where the heck they are justifying those actions based on, I am assuming it is based on something, but just not my "form" of orthodox judaism. I dont call them sluts either. the language usage was very out of line.

and going the other way with the hair covering thing-
I believe in covering my hair every inch, thats my halacha.

I have many relatives who not only cover every inch of their hair, but do so with TWO coverings.

and I have many relatives who take that one step further, who not only wear double covering, but who also SHAVE their ENTIRE head. that is THEIR HALACHA.

My halachic standards and minhagim are much "lower" than theirs. that doesnt make me a slut.

again, her language usage was out of line.