Leaving baby home with a (nanny?) while at work...

amother

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 9:36 am

merelyme wrote:

Quote:

The perception of non Jews as never to be trusted with Jewish children is bogus.

No, it has a basis in halachah. A גוי has no נאמנות.

We discussed the implications with a well known chasisidishe dayan before we made the decision to take a non jewish babysitter. I would have liked a jewish one if I found everything else we needed in her, but we had no such luck. I find that in our neighborhood, you won't really find 'normal' jewish women that want to babysit in your home. Either they are doing it in their home, or they are working in another field where they earn a better income. It is the most common for people to have elderly russian women babysit. Seems like they are the most available & many of them aren't frum either. After interveiwing a couple of them I realized this isn't what I want for my child. Now we have a young energetic non jewish nanny who does light housework & plays with the kids. She doesn't have a problem bending down for something, or the kids because she is young & fit. It's not a big deal for her to take the kids to the park & run after them either. To me it was important to have someone who can handle my kids & enjoy them while I was away. My previous nanny was a jewish middle aged lady. Happens to be she was overweight & used to always complain that it was too much for her. At least she was honest with me, but still it wasn't ideal. Forget about the housework, the kids need someone who can keep up with them. We ended up letting her go, and looking for someone new.

chaimsmom

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 9:43 am

amother wrote:

I had to let my new jewish babysitter go because the second week she was working for me she had the chutzpah to ask me to leave work early so she could go to a chanukah party. I told her that I can't leave work early for her so she'll either have to miss the party or not work for me anymore. She chose to quit.

I had a similar experience. My jewish babysitter told me on more than one occassion that she couldn't babysit or needed me to leave early because of something she wanted to do. I kept explaining to her that my job didn't work that way. I finally had to let her go. The non-jewish babysitter I replaced her with was reliable, worked hard, and took excellent care of my son.

amother

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 9:53 am

amother wrote:

merelyme wrote:

Quote:

The perception of non Jews as never to be trusted with Jewish children is bogus.

No, it has a basis in halachah. A גוי has no נאמנות.

I have a niece that is post-seminary that would love to be your nanny. Right now she has a little part-time job and she has plenty of friends who are having a hard time finding a well paying job and they are all frum!

Ruchel

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 10:00 am

Jewish nannies are rare, frum ones VERY rare, and frum ones with experience... oy. That's why they either are very expensive, or want it "their way". A few times a month my dd's caregiver just tells me, "oh on Tuesday I won't be home". And that's it. And I'm lucky because apart from that she's reliable, and shomer mitsvos, and she teaches discipline, and she lives very close, etc.

But yeah, she's also old and it's really not ideal to run after kids. She certainly won't go to the park and run after them. Still better than being home alone with no kid to play with, but I'm in a hurry for her to go to pre gan already...

Of the other frum ladies I interviewed... one asked for almost 3 times the price I pay now, for a kindergarten degree she "would have soon". One yr later she still doesn't have it. She's young but medically obese, has asthma, and tells me she catches everything kids have. She worked in several Jewish and non Jewish daycares and always had to stop for health reasons. When I knock at her door I find her in bed/sleeping at day regularly.

Another one was in a neighbour town, with a bus change to go there, and I later discovered she's a nut. A very nice until she goes crazy nut, the worst type. I was warned against her, didn't want to believe, and BH my friend gave me doubts because it took almost a year to see her true fanatic face. She would have poisoned my child's mind c'v.

amother

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 11:02 am

amother wrote:

merelyme wrote:

Quote:

The perception of non Jews as never to be trusted with Jewish children is bogus.

No, it has a basis in halachah. A גוי has no נאמנות.

'

I find this surprising. Does she have experience? How much is she looking to get an hour? I need someone reliable for full time hours who isn't lazy. How do you even know which neighborhood I'm refering to? I find your post really really strange.

amother

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 11:07 am

amother wrote:

merelyme wrote:

Quote:

The perception of non Jews as never to be trusted with Jewish children is bogus.

No, it has a basis in halachah. A גוי has no נאמנות.

She lives in Passaic. I don't know how much she want an hour. She comes from a huge family (the oldest girl) and is definitely not lazy.

amother

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 11:11 am

amother wrote:

merelyme wrote:

Quote:

The perception of non Jews as never to be trusted with Jewish children is bogus.

No, it has a basis in halachah. A גוי has no נאמנות.

She lives in Passaic. I don't know how much she want an hour. She comes from a huge family (the oldest girl) and is definitely not lazy.

Right now I am happy with my nanny, and I'm not looking to confuse my kids. I pay her $9 an hour which I doubt would satisfy a jewish girl for a long term pay. My nanny isn't expecting a raise since this is the going rate here, and we aren't in passaic.

shalhevet

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 11:36 am

amother wrote:

Quote:

She lives in Passaic. I don't know how much she want an hour. She comes from a huge family (the oldest girl) and is definitely not lazy.

I have a feeling this is the answer to this whole thread.

Not that there aren't reliable, warm, honest, responsible frum Jewish women willing to be nannies in the USA.

But that if you want someone reliable, warm, honest and responsible who is a frum Jewish women and not a non-Jew, you will have to pay her more.

Ruchel

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 11:41 am

shalhevet wrote:

amother wrote:

Quote:

She lives in Passaic. I don't know how much she want an hour. She comes from a huge family (the oldest girl) and is definitely not lazy.

Why would we pay a good frum more than a good [gentile]? It is, per se, not honest.

Frum life is already kosher meat, hechsherim at least on some things, Jewish school more and more often... if just because someone is frum s/he asks more, it's just not possible.

shalhevet

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 11:43 am

Ruchel wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

amother wrote:

Quote:

She lives in Passaic. I don't know how much she want an hour. She comes from a huge family (the oldest girl) and is definitely not lazy.

We'd pay her more because we care about our children's neshomos.

(Why isn't it honest? Anyone can demand any price they like for anything - it's up to you if you want to pay it.)

Ruchel

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 11:44 am

shalhevet wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

amother wrote:

Quote:

She lives in Passaic. I don't know how much she want an hour. She comes from a huge family (the oldest girl) and is definitely not lazy.

We'd pay her more because we care about our children's neshomos.

(Why isn't it honest? Anyone can demand any price they like for anything - it's up to you if you want to pay it.)

For a supposed frum person, caring for Jewish children is not a job like milkman or postman. So yes making it "my way or the highway" is dishonest.

PinkFridge

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 12:10 pm

Merrymom wrote:

Your mind is set so I wouldn't even try to convince you otherwise. Know just one thing, the way you had bad experiences with supposedly frum people (what did she steal btw?), there are plenty more women who had bad experiences with non-Jewish nannies who'll never hire a non-Jew again after they felt the trust was broken. So at this point I'll just be quiet and wait for those women to tell their stories.

It's already another page and a half. Don't hold your breath.

amother

Mon, Dec 21 2009, 1:28 pm

shalhevet wrote:

amother wrote:

Quote:

She lives in Passaic. I don't know how much she want an hour. She comes from a huge family (the oldest girl) and is definitely not lazy.

I am the amother who wrote that. I am willing to pay more for a frum jewish woman who is reliable, warm & honest. Yet, I doubt it would make a difference to a frum woman if I paid her $1-$2 dollars more per hour. In general someone who is qualified & has a good english can be earning more than that for less strenueous work than this. I simply cannot afford to work if I'd be paying my babysitter any more than that, so I cannot offer much more.

farm

Wed, Dec 30 2009, 3:54 pm

All of you bashing those who hire a non jewish nanny- do any of you have a nanny? If you don't, why are you responding and arguing? You have no clue. Those of us who do have nannies have discovered through trial and error that when you hire a Jewish nanny, it doesn't work out. Either she doesn't do a good job, is not reliable, refuses to follow instructions, etc. Some of the women here have shared their personal experiences and others were unable to find someone frum for the job required in the first place. It's not about saving money, it's not about trust, it's just the way it is. I think the biggest hurdle is that is almost impossible to find a frum woman who is willing to work the days and hours required (erev yom tov, fast days, chol hamoed, purim- we don't necessarily get off those days and can't give her off either!). In addition, as others have already pointed out, for some reason a frum woman is much more likely to ignore instructions and do things her way while the goya will go out of her way to accomidate you and make you happy. I really can't imagine that any of us with non jewish nannies think it's wonderful and the best arrangement but we have faced the reality if we don't want to lose our jobs, we'll have to settle on the best non jewish nanny we can find. Please, if you know of a frum person who is willing to work at least a 10 hr day from Monday-Thursday and until an hour before shabbos on Friday or erev yom tov, AND will not expect to be off on the previously mentioned days AND is reliable in that she will not get engaged and tell you she's off to Lakewood next month (as the post-seminary girls who teach in Bais Yaakov tend to do) or promise you she is on birth control at the interview and then tell you she's due in 8 months and will be leaving you and also needs time off to go to the doctor every four weeks, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL GRAB HER. If not, stay out of this discussion!