I need a punishment for a 4 yr old

red sea

Wed, May 24 2006, 1:10 pm

I think your son may like the attention he gets from you when he is exploring/learning/mischevious.

I also agree that lightbulbs and blankets do not even remotely fall into the same category. Lightbulbs, running outside, are dangerous.

He needs to understand your motive is because you love him and do not want him to get hurt. He needs to understand that he really can get hurt. That would be the focus, not that he did not listen to you.

If electricity and plugs have such a pull for him, I might think taking him to visit a child about his age in the hospital with burns or glass cuts, or something like that to show him.

granolamom

Wed, May 24 2006, 1:23 pm

I know what its like to have a child find trouble. by the time my son was 9 mo he knew how to open the oven. by 12 months I found him with my vaccum cleaner and a screw driver - he was trying to take it apart. now my boys are 5 and 2 and together they could probably take apart the house. it is impossible to childproof adequately for these two.

realize that there is NO down time for you when you have a child like this. call it special needs if you want. He NEEDS you to constantly supervise and redirect if necessary. I know its hard work, but think about it, cleaning up broken lightbulbs is hard work too (I know, we've had our share).

I hate when my kids strip the beds and jump in the blankets and pillows. so I limit the activity...they can do it in ONE bedroom. still a mess but at least its not all over the house

when my 5 yo took apart his lamp breaking a bulb in the process I screamed 'oy...are you ok??? do we need hatzoloh??? oy oy oy... so dangerous! check - are you bleeding!!!!!!!!" I really poured it on. He got scared, and cried a bit and I doubt he'll ever do it again.
you have to get in your son's mind, find out what makes him tick.
If he's impervious to punishment, then punishment is not the answer.

really, read Positive Discipline for Preschoolers (forgot the author, can look it up if you want).

and get a babysitter once in a while so you can have some peace and quiet!

Younger Me

Wed, May 24 2006, 2:29 pm

Quote:

red sea Posted:
I think your son may like the attention he gets from you when he is exploring/learning/mischevious.

Quote:

micki Posted:
(this happened at 4:30)

Why would he expect attention at 4:30 in the morning??!

I don't think that's why he's doing what he's doing....like Micki said, he's just very curious.

micki

Wed, May 24 2006, 6:27 pm

bluesclues, any answer is welcome but don't answer a question that was not asked!

attention is not the answer here- that is not what he seeks. when he took the lamp in his mind he was doing something right- he did not want to wake up his brother by turning on the big light to read, he just wanted the small lamp...he was quite upset that it broke, and when he asked to have it replaced last night I said no- one week it will be broken so you remembr that we are not allowed to touch lamps or ANYTHING that plugs in.

and just to clarify, there is no "glee" its more of a smile with a shrug like "what makes you think I care what you think?"

the no computer had an effect because htis morning he scratched his head and asked me "I didn't break any lamps today and I didn't do anything wrong so I can play on the computer today!"

I am always looking to see what he is doing but at 4:30 AM I was fast asleep...

granolamom

Wed, May 24 2006, 9:20 pm

Quote:

Why would he expect attention at 4:30 in the morning??!

I, myself, at age 3, used to wake my baby sister so that my mother would come into the room in the middle of the night. I remember thinking it through. At the time it seemed like a good idea....and it worked too

chabadnick

Wed, May 31 2006, 12:00 am

micki...I know what you are talking about.,..my son is 5 and does the same things- he will disable my cell phone to see how it works, he got a tamagotchi and lost it in a huge store and didnt feel remorse and he asked for a new toy...sometimes I yell...I give a small potch or if I am in the room....I try to guide him where to go... I saw him doing something potentially dangerous...so I redirected him...however you cant always do that. I like to make a deal when he tries hard not to do something or really behaves himself. I hope you cope because sometimes...im also frustrated..and I understand-when u say u wish he would cry-its not about the tears- its the fealing of empathy and remorse u want him to have...which I feel too!

micki

Wed, May 31 2006, 8:40 am

yesterday I asked them to come inside, or get out of the drive way. they ignored me.
so I locked the door tot the house.
they came to the front found it was locked (I am watching thru the windows) and then they went to the back yard, onto our back porcha nd they found that locked too.
I told them since they did not listen when I said they are not coming in. I let them sweat for about 10 min. while they are calling and banging on the door I told them they can not come in and they were making all kinds of promises- bla bla bla.
I let them in.
an hour later I called them in and they ignored me again.
so much of an impact it had on them...

(don't go screaming safety- you don't know where I live you don't know how my house looks and yes they were safe all the time)

raizy

Mon, Jun 05 2006, 10:34 pm

granalamom u are describing my 4 oldest kids to a tee. that what I do. if they do something naughty. or hurt themselves . I really pour it on . like I think we need to call the hatzalah if u put your feet over the porch railing we live in a secound floor flat. and my 4 yr old loves to climb over the railing we tried everything. now my hubby just put in a 90 dollars fence on the gate to keep the kids in.

I tell them if they will fall they might die and do they really want to die. I make it sound really scary etc. otherwise they couldnt care less. and would put both feet over and climb down the post if I would let them.!!!

some kids will not cry for a punishment. u just have to repeat yourselve 500 times and pray that when they hit the teenages yrs that it sunk into them . like good manners etc. no fighting. etc.

my kids love to play with blankets they strip all the beds. I made a rule that they cant strip the parents room beds. and they cant take off the sheets from any beds. and they have to clean it up afterwards. so now they think twhise if they should take all the blankets and pillows out of their room.

I have locks and gadgets everywhere. when I moved I added a top lock to my front porch and to my front door. my carpenter asked me why do I need it so high up. I said not for the robbers to come in .but for the robbers not to go OUT !!!

and mikki maybe u are not stimilating them . are they constantly running and playing. I know with my children that they need to play constanly. and the more they are on the bikes. walks, parks. the better for me and everyone else. otherwise it is trouble.

happymom

Tue, Jun 06 2006, 9:42 am

I think its a good idea to speak to them at night before bed about middos and listening to parents.. about our yeitzer harah and yeitzer tov and how hashem is SOOOO proud when we listen to our parents EVEN THOUGHw edont want to! and that eveyrtime we win the batter our yeitzetr tov becomes stronger and stronger and when we dont our yeitzer harah is happy... do we want to make our yeitzer harah happy etc...... ]

you can also tell them that u are going to look out and see which kids are going to listen to thier yeitzer tov. when u see a kid doing that and listening u can praise them in front of everyone and the kids will see that thats a positive way to get attention.

micki

Tue, Jun 06 2006, 9:55 am

I can talk till I am blue in the head, but my 4 yr old has never ever thought things out!

raizy you are very lucky to have kids who will:

Quote:

now they think twice if they should take all the blankets and pillows out of their room.

they sound like they listen to you which perhaps we are not talking about the same type of kids.

my 4 yr old would never.

just today he wanted me to replace the batteries in his remote control car. I said we will make a chart. when you listen to me 10 times, then I will change the batteries.
he says 10 times! I can never listen to you so much!

B"H they are well stimulated- but thanks for hte thought- they have a swingset, sandbox rock box, bikes toys a big yard for them to safely play. but I DID find all the play cars suspended from the trees, and I did find his bathing suit on a high branch, he picked these huge leaves and scattered them like stepping stones all over the grass-
the fun is only beginning!

southernbubby

Tue, Jun 06 2006, 10:07 am

Whenever Rebbitzen Kazen encounters that type of high-energy boy, she tells the parents to buy the child wood, nails and a hammer and let the kid klop out all of his energy. You do need to start the nails in the wood. My neighbors have a trampoline. I hope the thing is safe but that is how they release all of that excess energy.

granolamom

Tue, Jun 06 2006, 9:03 pm

your son is only 4...you have to talk talk talk till you are blue in the face and then some. slowly slowly it will begin to sink in.

re: the batteries in the car, why not just do it for him? instead of viewing the whole thing through reward/punishment glasses, try to accept that it isn't working and you need a new approach. he's telling you he can't do it.

sounds like he needs LOTS of supervision, redirection and yes, talk talk talk about manners, responsibility for cleaning up, safety in the home, etc.

I hope you are able to get a break sometimes, these types of kids can really drain you, and quick.