My fault but what to do now?

amother

Mon, Mar 30 2009, 8:08 pm

When my oldest was a baby, I played with him ALL time time, gave him a lot of attention, typical first born stuff I guess. But now, down the road with a few more kids I obviously don't have as much time to play with him and give him tons of attention.
I started to concentrate more on the quality of the attention more than the quantity, but he is still so demanding when it comes to wanting attention, wanting someone to play with him and wanting something right then and there.

Any suggestions?

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Mar 30 2009, 8:20 pm

play date? mothers' helper?

Since he's the eldest, he has probably the most mature social needs, and those less mature can't satisfy it even if they have the time.

And I don't think it's your fault. I was not that type of mommy, even though I was home with him, and he still wants my attn, to talk, etc. a lot now. his younger sister can't satisfy his social needs now. It's of course better when he has school, lots of stimulation outside.

amother

Mon, Mar 30 2009, 8:35 pm

wow. I could have written that post myself. my oldest is also the most demanding of my att. he is now 4 1/2 and my 2 yr old is better than he is at occupying himself! of course his personality contributes but I also feel that it is bec I always gave him so much attention. he also like for me to do everything for him, even things he knows how to do by himself. I am trying to "wean" him by expecting him to be by himself for bits at a time and praising him when he does play nicely by himself... etc. id also appreciate any suggestions.

chocolate moose

Mon, Mar 30 2009, 9:07 pm

There are none. Make the best of it.

My needy newborn is now a strapping 21 year old who still likes attention !!!

greenfire

Mon, Mar 30 2009, 9:17 pm

what's wrong with giving kids attention ... it helps them feel nurtured and loved ... you never know what they'll need later on in life - but they'll remember you were there for them ...

and there is a difference between attention and doing everything for them ... helping them learn to do it for themselves with your encouragement is best ...

anonymom

Tue, Mar 31 2009, 6:50 am

I think it's more his persnality than your actions. My almost six year old was the only one home when he was a baby and you can be sure he got as much attention as he wanted. But he preferred to play by himself with his cars for hours.

OTOH, my two year old cannot play unless I watch every move he makes, (though he is improving in his regard.)

amother

Tue, Mar 31 2009, 8:19 pm

Op here. Amother, glad I'm not the only one and that really is a great suggestion. I'll have to really make it a point to praise him every time he does things on his own. It really is getting harder and harder to keep up with the demands.

amother

Tue, Mar 31 2009, 8:21 pm

NotInNJMommy wrote:

Good point. He is in school, but I keep telling myself that's enough of a social life during the week, but that is probably true. I'll have to arrange more playdates Smile

Thanks!

NotInNJMommy

Wed, Apr 01 2009, 7:29 am

greenfire wrote:

I don't think anyone doesn't want to give their kids attention, but there are other kids, matters that need attn so not every request to pay attn to a particular child can be accomodated.

I also don't agree giving attn necessarily means the child will feel dependent on it. One can give attn and at the same time encourage autonomy, independence. (ie. sitting with dc while he/she plays with ball. don't always fetch it, encourage them to do so)