My daughter is constantly pushing and pulling

amother

Thu, May 14 2009, 7:22 am

My daughter is turning three in two months. She was always an active and very bright child. She loves movement and can be a bit more impulsive than age appropriate. She is constantly grabbing stuff from my baby who is fifteen months, she also tries to 'take care' of her by compulsively picking her up. I don't have a free minute. If I am not policing she is grabbing, holding, laying on top of the baby as the poor little one hollers. She loves to dress and undress the baby and basically smothers her with her attention.

She is also obsessed with my double stroller and wants to constantly push it, the same goes for heavy shopping bags. I have tried cracking down on the constant grabbing of my baby by putting her in time out. I was very consistent about it and don't see any results. I truly think she can't stop herself. Not only that when she is holding the baby, she doesn't hear a word I say, She can't stop herself in middle. Even though she knows she will go into time out. I'm beginning to think she has some real sensory issues. She was born with low muscle tone and I am wondering if she is trying to get some sort of gravitational feedback from picking the baby up, and pushing heavy stuff. I'm also worried that she might be adhd. In any case I think she would really benefit from OT. Does anyone have experience trying to get OT for a child this age? I know that she is phasing out of EI as she turning three. So I"m assuming next step is board of ed. If anyone has info please post. Thanks!!!!!!!!

chavs

Thu, May 14 2009, 8:21 am

She sounds completely normal to me, difficult to manage perhaps but normal never the less. She hasnt developed self restraint yet, and she wants to be involved with the baby, so it manifests in you having to police 24/7 to make sure she doesnt hurt the baby from her attention. Not all children respond to time out and if it is given often the effect of it wears out anyways.
The best thing to do would be to physically move her from the baby, get eye contact and tell her that she must not pick up the baby. Tell her that you understand that she loves the baby and want to hold her/hug her/lift her or whatever, but she has to ask you to help her do it.
Perhaps make times during the day when you have time and patience when she can hold the baby and maybe sing to the little one.

When she takes toys away from your baby keep telling her that not to, and perhaps start introducing taking turns, using an egg timer.

It all sounds completely normal to me, 3 year olds are impulsive and everything they want is theirs, your dd is learning the concept of ownership and its not fun for you but its normal and a stage she will outgrow. You have to be on your toes constantly because a 3 year old or an almost 3 year old, will take what they think is theirs, pick up what they want to pick up etc.

She most likely want to push the stroller because thats what she sees you do and she is a big girl like mummy and wants to do it herself.

amother

Fri, May 15 2009, 12:00 pm

I agree that usually this behavior could be considered normal. But two aspects make me see it differently. It seems to be compulsive, meaning this behavior is happening probably every minute to two minutes. And the intensity of it. She can't hear me when she is in the process of doing a bear hug as tight as she possibly can. She seems driven to do it. That's what worries me.

chavs

Sat, May 16 2009, 4:30 pm

I hear what you are saying and I am telling you that in my experience with my own son and seeing other children it sounds completely normal. I cant tell you how many times my son is in his own world (not so much any more) he didnt hear me, zoned me out completely and anyone else for that matter, even the person he for example gave a hug and who didnt appreciate it. I have many times thought omg!! what is wrong with this child? maybe he has adhd? My ds doesnt/didnt stop moving, singing, talking, jumping and soemhow getting in to trouble. The thing is he is completely normal, how do I know this? I have asked a lot of people if his behaviour is normal and they all laugh and say yes, and that they have also thought that they at some point doubted their toddler was normal. I also know this by taking a step back and not getting biased, looking at him like I look at other kids his age and not only when they behave well but when they also dont listen and dont stop moving and run out of no where into the street or over to a lake.
Toddlers sometimes seem to be from a different planet then other people, they live in the moment! Really they are the embodiment of compulsivity and of excitement of I want, I do, of NO! of zoning you out!
You have said nothing that made me think that she isnt normal