Asking shailos | Imamother

sped

Wed, Jul 29 2009, 2:07 am

I think shailos in shidduchim are not neccesarily related to facilitating a shidduch. for example, I had a friend with serious emotional issues that are not obvious right away. She can hide them quite well. When she got engaged, I needed to know if I should say something. I ask a rabbi (of a Young Israel - MO) who thought it was major enough a questoin that he brought it up at a conference of rabbis before getting back to me with the answer(Yes, I should let the family know and they should deal with it).

bbmom

Wed, Jul 29 2009, 5:54 am

Asking Hashkafa questions actually made me think of something interesting - obvious to me and probably to all chabad posters on this board but not necessarily to others.

When I ask a rav a shaila it is always a halachic question with a halachic answer. I never call a rav with a hashkafic question. For that we have a mashpia. In very short a mashpia is an individual, whom I trust, respect and feel comfortable talking to and confiding in, who is my "spritual advisor" so to speak.

If I have a tznius question about something that if definitely within the geder of the halacha, but might be questionable hashkafically, I ask my mashpia.

When I became pregnant with my first child, I spoke to my mashpia about proper conduct and minhagim regarding pregnancy and childbirth.

If I am in a situation where the hashakfos or atmosphere around me is not in compliance with my hashkafos, I speak to my mashpia about how deal/what to do.

If there is a hashkafic question that is intertwined with a halachic one I'll ask both my mashpia and a Rav.

Actual halachic questions that I don't know or can't find an answer to just don't come up in my life very often.

Atali

Wed, Jul 29 2009, 8:06 am

bbmom wrote:

Some people may have their rav and mashpia as the same person. My DH's mashpia is also a rav who paskens, so he goes to him for both.

bbmom

Wed, Jul 29 2009, 10:02 am

Atali wrote:

bbmom wrote:

Some people may have their rav and mashpia as the same person. My DH's mashpia is also a rav who paskens, so he goes to him for both.

Notice the I - I wasn't generalizing.

My mashpia is a woman.

Most Lubavitch Rabbonim will tell you a hashkafic answer along with a halachic one.

Cassandra I know you weren't talking about hashkafa, but many examples of "you never have these questions? I can't believe you never asked...." were more hashkafic than halachic, so I gave my two cents.

I'm not arguing about how often people speak to rabbonim because frankly I could care less. (No it doesn't boil my blood to hear that someone did laundry during the 9 days without asking a rav. Since when is it even my business?) I'm just enjoying the conversation.

bbmom

Wed, Jul 29 2009, 10:06 am

GR wrote:

I know when I call a certain Rav, he will tell me what the Rebbe says on the matter. I don't think it's so clearcut that Rabbonim will only give a halachic answer.

That's not what I said at all!

I didn't say a Lubavitch rav won't give you a hashkafic answer! Read my post again, I said I do not go to a rav unless my question is a halachic one. I even said that if I have a hashkafa/halacha combo question I'll go to a rav. It's the purely hashkafic questions that I don't go to a rav for. Those come up in my life way more often than the other.

Atali

Wed, Jul 29 2009, 10:26 am

bbmom wrote:

Atali wrote:

bbmom wrote:

Some people may have their rav and mashpia as the same person. My DH's mashpia is also a rav who paskens, so he goes to him for both.

But you said it would be obvious to ALL Lubavitch posters on this board that it is the way thing are done.

bbmom

Wed, Jul 29 2009, 11:24 am

Atali wrote:

bbmom wrote:

Atali wrote:

bbmom wrote:

Some people may have their rav and mashpia as the same person. My DH's mashpia is also a rav who paskens, so he goes to him for both.

But you said it would be obvious to ALL Lubavitch posters on this board that it is the way thing are done.

Well yeah, having a mashpia is something obvious to all Lubavitch posters. If it isn't it should be.

freidasima

Wed, Jul 29 2009, 12:05 pm

The Shaylos issue is different in Lubavitch in particular as you have a mashpia to go to, and in chassidus in general it seems because of the very direct relationship between rebbe and follower. Maybe it's easier in a sense that way, because it's not just a derekh, its a dynasty and I say that in the positive sense. It's almost genetic and that gives one possibly a closer feeling like not just asking a rebbe but someone who is almost family but with tremendous knowledge.

That may be one the things that makes it more likely for someone in chassidus to ask more general and not just directly straight halochic questions of their rebbe, and in Lubavitch you have your mashpia for that.

Did I get that right?

gryp

Wed, Jul 29 2009, 1:25 pm

bbmom wrote:

GR wrote:

I know when I call a certain Rav, he will tell me what the Rebbe says on the matter. I don't think it's so clearcut that Rabbonim will only give a halachic answer.

Sorry! I thought you said the opposite. I thought you were saying something else because of a certain thread in the Lubavitch section and because of something that happened to me once.
I get what you're saying now.