bedtime advice please!

levial

Thu, Sep 03 2009, 7:01 am

Take a deep breath. It will take days/weeks to transition. It can be done.

I did this when DD was a baby, and had to repeat when she moved to a toddler bed (where she could get up). And again when we moved and stayed with my parents for a few weeks...until we set her up in her own room...and again when we moved to the new house. So each time, there was some flexibility, then we got sick of being sympathetic..

I started by moving her bedtime up by about 15 minutes. Why? So she was even more sleepy than usual, more accepting of the routine change (falls asleep out of self defense...then you praise praise in the morning - you did it! all by yourself. what a big girl/boy!)

We spend about 15 minutes on reading a book, talking about things that bother her, singing a specific bedtime song and saying shema. I kiss her good night. Ensure that if he/she is afraid of dark that the lighting is appropriate, etc.

Now in the beginning she wanted me to stay with her. I would stay by the bed without lying down and repeat "I'm still here. I know you can fall asleep all by yourself. You can do it. I'm still here." Yes, I got sick of standing, but I knew it would take a few days of this...and just to be comfortable. You can also geta chair and sit on the chair.

If she gets up, I simply would calmly, boringly return her to bed. Tuck her in, kiss her cheek again, and step away from the bed. I would have to firmly repeat....You can do it. You're safe...You're ok. In the case of extreme tantrum, getting up, I simply would return her to the bed, tuck in covers, kiss her again and then put the chair next to the bed, and put my hand on her back, repeating "You can do it, you can fall asleep by yourself" calmingly when/if she cries and gets upset.

When she stops fussing/trying to get up, move a step or two away. Again, she can see me, if she says "I need you" or "come lie down" just say "I'm still here. You can do it. You're ok." You're replacing lying down with being there, but not so closeby.

Over time, you can start standing/sitting further away (so rather than sitting on the bed/near the bed, you're halfway to the door. )

One major breakthru will be when you're able to close the door and stand behind the closed door saying "You're ok, you can do it. I'm still here."

It takes days or weeks, depending on the child and the phase...but it can be done, painlessly. Just the patience to carry this thru is hard, but it's better than a screaming child or just lying down again and losing your whole evening.

Hatzlacha..