Help from Shluchim and others whose guests do not RSVP

yaelinIN

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 12:50 pm

Hi, my family is involved in kiruv in a college town in the midwest. We have b"H become very popular this year as a place to go to for Shabbos/YT meals. Of course very few people RSVP without a lot of prompting and personal emails and it is not usually a big deal. Well, the first couple of times we went from 10 to 20 guests, it was a bit nerve wracking since I had not made tons and tons of food and was caught a bit short by the time SSeudos came for my family (usually no guests then). I learned my lesson Smile

At Pesach last year, I had to pull rabbits out of my sheital/snood since we had lots of unexpected guests and was left with an empty fridge and I am very afraid I will be in the same situation come this Sukkos. Any advice for menu planning? I really only have frozen whole turkeys and some ground meat in the freezer (but will try to get more fresh meat while in Chicago today). I will probably roast a whole turkey (two??) and make some meatballs but I don't think it will be enough since I don't know how many are coming!!!! I have multiple food allergies (egg, peanut, and wheat) to deal with and vegans and vegetarians too and no one else to borrow/buy food from in this community....

Inspired

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 12:56 pm

I find a lot of side dishes in smaller amounts works well. If its leftover you can add it to another meal or eat it yourselves post chag. Have tuna, salad veggies, boiled eggs, and matza or frozen challah on hand in case there are many more than you planned for. tizku limitzvos!

yaelinIN

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:00 pm

Yeah, that's how I usually cook and will do so some more (and maybe even use the Shabbos mode on my oven for the first time), but we are going to a chasunah overnight tonight and we have a dessert and learning program (that I have to cook for) tomorrow night and then it's YT!!!!

shock

I am crazy.

bubby

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:03 pm

My DD has the opposite problem. She's a campus Shlucha & people say they're coming & don't show up. So she's left with a lot of left overs & everything is very expensive, not to mention all the hard work in preparing. That's just as rude & inconsiderate.

OP, it all comes down to thoughtlessness & bad manners. But knowing the cause doesn't help solve the problem, does it? Confused

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:09 pm

bubby wrote:

This is OT but I wanted to comment on the bolded part. I think people who are not frum just really have no idea what goes into preparing a shabbos/yom tov - all the planning and cooking etc They also are clueless about the ettuquete of shabbos/yom tov meals. I live in an OOT outreach community and I noticed that a lot - people cancelling last minute or just not showing up, people coming over without warning etc. I used to also get annoyed at thoughtlessness but I've come to realize that people who are not frum are just clueless about how these things work - they are not being rude.

Not sure if that makes sense...I'm tired Smile

yaelinIN

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:18 pm

I agree it is very frustrating when this (people rsvping then not showing up) happens, but really most people don't know how much work it takes to put such an endeavor together. I don't feel too bad most of the time since this is a self-funded thing -- we are not paid kiruv professionals, we do this because we see a need to be filled. We can eat the leftovers.

I feel bad when organizations who have to fundraise for food and salaries put out serious money for events and this happens.

poelmamosh

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:21 pm

I think if you have the freezer space and can cook/bake side dishes like simple kugels also prepare veg bases and appetizers that can be quickly added to rice, couscous etc to have in reserve, you'll feel a lot better. It's easier (and less expensive) than preparing an extra turkey or two that may be left over! Also, have canned veggies and beans (chickpeas, baby corn, eggplant, hearts of palm, olives) on hand that you can add to salads to stretch them; they also serve as good fillers!

pinktichel

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:25 pm

I always make sure to have lots of cooked foods in the freezer that I can take out. For example, breaded and fried gefilte fish slices. If unexpected people show up, I take a few out and add to the platter. They defrost fairly quickly.

I also keep things like pickles, canned corn, chickpeas, etc on hand so I can throw together some more salads. I buy plenty of extra veggies so I can add to salads and worst case, we eat them throughout the week!

Things like extra challahs, ice cream, cookies, cakes, etc are also great to have in the freezer as back up.

If I'm making, for example, a spaghetti salad, I boil more than I know I'll need... how much does it cost already? This way, I always have enough.

frumamn

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:37 pm

For YT I always start way in advance- especially if there are other programs in between- and make double of the main dish and freeze half of it. The morning of the meal, I'll take it from the freezer into the fridge so that if I do have more than the prepped food will feed, I can pop it in the oven to have it ready for the main course. I rely heavily on the Sabbath mode on the ovens. My trick that works all the time is to have a lot of challah and dips. People tend to fill up on challah and then eat less of the main dish. A variety of drinks and big salads (I don't make alot of salads, just alot of whichever two are on the menu for that meal) also help the food stretch and leftover drinks and veggies don't go to waste.
By the way, you're not crazy! Shluchos and women in kiruv all over the world are doing it and are doing amazing things like you are.
People who are already used to how full our Chabad House gets in a moments notice, tend to think it's okay to just show up and be number 33 at an already huge table, because what's one more mouth, right? The ones newer to the system are usually better at rsvping and letting us know when they're not coming because to them it's like a real dinner invitation and it's plain old rude to skip an invite like that....

Inspired

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:39 pm

SV wrote:

bubby wrote:

This is OT but I wanted to comment on the bolded part. I think people who are not frum just really have no idea what goes into preparing a shabbos/yom tov - all the planning and cooking etc

Frum people who don't make shabbos on their own can be just as clueless.

Quote:

They also are clueless about the ettuquete of shabbos/yom tov meals. I live in an OOT outreach community and I noticed that a lot - people cancelling last minute or just not showing up, people coming over without warning etc. I used to also get annoyed at thoughtlessness but I've come to realize that people who are not frum are just clueless about how these things work - they are not being rude.

Not sure if that makes sense...I'm tired Smile

On another thread I tried to reason that not understanding a culture and being clueles is not a rude behavior. That was shot down by many posters. The counter argument to that is that if one is involved in a foreign culture they should educate themselves on proper etiquette in that culture.

bubby

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:43 pm

SV wrote:

bubby wrote:

Even "non-frum people" understand about RSVPing....just at look at how particular they are on wedding invitations, turning up to things on time etc. If anything, my experience has been that frum people are often lazy about these things. Sorry, it's bad manners from both perspectives.

(This should be another thread, shouldn't it?? embarrassed

)

Take a nap, I'm sure you deserve it! Wink

shirafruma

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:43 pm

I think the main thing to realize when dealing with either singles or non yet frum people is this: They just don't realize.

BUT: 1) If you know thats the type of guests that you get, unannounced ones, be prepared with an extra roast or chicken or turkey, etc. It can always be frozen for another shabbos or kept for weekday meals.

2) Realize what a mitzvah you are doing!!! People respect you and feel so comfortable with you that they feel at home in your house! Thats so great! Students feeling welcome in a kiruv place!!! Even for free food, thats wonderful and you never can know how you can affect someone in a postive way!

yaelinIN

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 1:46 pm

Actually to continue the OT part of my OP Very Happy

The absolute worst thing is when you set up people at SOMEONE else's home for staying over/meals and then they don't show up and don't give any excuse and the hosts get cranky at me and don't want to host again!

I can live with flaky people but for my good name (worth its weight in gold since we live an hour away fro the nearest frum community and two from a larger one) to be messed up drives me crazy.

Raisin

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 3:31 pm

the people who do not respond/don't turn up are usually younger singles. Although it has happened with couples too, but thats more unusual. I don't really have a lot of frum guests, so I can't compare.

I keep a stock of things in the freezer eg smoked salmon, cold cuts that you can pull out.

Also, friday night I make the same amount of food usually, except meat or chicken, and freeze the excess, if there is any. I have a huge soup pot and always make a full pot. if you have lots of guests friday night and finish all the challa and fish you can take out extras from the freezer.

try not to plan too many hot dishes that need to be reheated on yt in a small space, it can be difficult trying to heat up all the food for so many people.

punktfarkert

Wed, Sep 30 2009, 3:47 pm

pinktichel wrote:

I also keep things like pickles, canned corn, chickpeas, etc on hand so I can throw together some more salads.

Wow, you have lots of great suggestions already... but this is what I do... a pantry full of canned things that can become an extra salad or dish in a pinch. Some of my favorites include canned grape leaves - serve them by themselves. Canned carrots can easily become a Moroccan carrot salad with lemon juice, paprika and cumin... Canned beets... Canned corn can be combined with a little mayo (tiny bit) and some chopped red pepper for color... Frozen corn I mix with cucumber and dill in a pinch, and it defrosts quickly since the corn kernels are so small... And this list goes on. Brainstorm non perishable raw materials and be creative!!