Would this be considered chutzpadik?

amother

Thu, Feb 11 2010, 8:03 pm

kah dh has many younger single siblings. I, as the only sister in law and the only married one in town am expected to show up at every play, party, celebration, graduation...god knows what, no ifs ands or buts. Over the last 4 months, I have expressed hesitation towards attending 1 play that sil was in charge of, and 1 bridal shower that was made for another sil (I would have been the only married sibling there), and sheva brochos of same sil (we were invited to about 4/7). The hesitation was because I was newly pregnant, feeling like ****, and didnt want to commit myself to attend if I wasnt feeling up to it. Being the sucker that I am, I showed up at every single one of these events despite feeling yucky, but got alot of flack for not agreeing to go right away.

My mil doesnt seem to understand that sometimes married women have a good excuse for not being able to attend every single function. One would think with the amount of kids she has (in the double digits) she'd be aware of this concept, but apparently not. I mean I could have needed the mikva that night for goodness sakes.

So anyway, dh plans to tell her about our pregnancy over the next few days and of course mil will get me on the phone and want to know how I'm feeling. do you think it would be chutzpadik to say something like "now that you see that I had a valid reason for not wanting to attend all those functions, just accept it if I cant always attend in the future."

mominlkwd

Thu, Feb 11 2010, 8:12 pm

hmmm, I don't know if I would say it THAT way. You seem to have a good relationship with your in-laws so I wouldn't do anything that she may take harsher than you mean it. However, if this is an ongoing issue maybe you should have your husband say something on your behalf - your mil may take it better coming from him. He can say something like " now that amother is expecting we are going to try to take it easy and we may cut back a bit on family functions." If he says it as a "we" not just about you they may take it better as well.
Good luck and B'shaah Tova

manhattanmom

Thu, Feb 18 2010, 9:47 pm

I wouldn't blame pregnancy as an excuse because what will happen when you're not pregnant and don't want to/can't go to an event?
I'd just stay firm and stick with--I get the impression that you really want me to be at every single event. Doing that is a tremendous stress on me and my family. I can't come to everything and I want you to understand that I cannot come all the time and I don't need to give you an excuse each time."

Obviously, say it nicer than that--but make sure your points are heard.

imasinger

Thu, Feb 18 2010, 9:51 pm

I wouldn't say anything at all. Just let it go. Chances are, she'll be putting less pressure on you just because you are expecting -- and then because you have a baby. Believe me, you'll have plenty of other things to think about as time goes on, and this will fade quickly into memory.