When to ask a name shailah?

amother

Fri, May 14 2010, 6:17 pm

I am bH expecting and am in my 7th month... We don't know the relations of the baby at this time but the names I have in mind for either both may require a shailah. If we have a girl I want to name her after my mother, its a double name, the first of which is my MIL's first name. I am not sure if this is an issue, but it is extremely important to name after her. Also If it is a boy, I want to name after my brother who passed away very young (11 years old) and I know that this requires a Rabbi's advice as well. My question is whether or not it is appropriate to approach a rav at this point or if we are supposed to wait until after I give birth? The only reason I am worried about waiting is that if these names will not be good I will have to think of a different name on the spot... what do you guys think?

ra_mom

Fri, May 14 2010, 6:50 pm

It's ok to ask now.
If the Rav asks you why you are asking now, just let him know that you would like to have the name ready so that you can put your child's name on his/her birth certificate in the hospital.
(If you write down the name right away, they will send you a social security card/number automatically in the mail. If not, you will have to have the bc modified, and then schlep down the the ss office to apply for a card/number. Many Rabbanim actually advise having a name ready for this reason, and say it's ok as long as nobody calls the baby by name until the Bris/Kiddush.)

Tamiri

Sat, May 15 2010, 4:23 pm

If you want to ask a Rav now, then whatever everyone wrote. Don't worry about finding a name once the baby is born. We never had a name for a baby after #1 (my grandmother put in a request and we agreed then). When the baby arrives, you look at it and get a "feel" what the name should be. It's not an issue.
Just saying, since it's your first.

Raisin

Sat, May 15 2010, 6:13 pm

added to that, if you give birth to a girl friday night, you are going to need to have the name ready for her to be named the next morning and you won't be able to call a Rav to ask. (our minhag is to name a soon as possible, don't know about yours)

if it's a boy you have eight days to think about it, so you can leave that question till later if you want.

realeez

Sat, May 15 2010, 10:50 pm

When I was in my 9th month and called my Rav for shailos to do with going into the labour on Yom Tov, I asked him then when would be a good time to ask the name shailah and he told me to ask him right then. I did end up speaking to him 3 more times after with other questions lol but it was good I had the question answered before her birth since dd was born on Motzei Yom Tov and she was able to be named a few hours later (it was a Monday morning and we would have had to wait until Thursday).

life'sgreat

Sat, May 15 2010, 11:00 pm

There shouldn't be any issues in asking a rav now. Depending on the type of community you come from, do you have any idea how your mother in law would feel about it? I know that in the real chasidish communities it is a no no, regardless of who you are named after. If there's a living mother and grandmother with that name, it will not work. The rav might ask you to ask your mother in law how she'd feel about it.

Good luck

May you find nechama in whichever name you end up giving.

amother

Sun, May 16 2010, 12:31 am

Tamiri wrote:

If you want to ask a Rav now, then whatever everyone wrote. Don't worry about finding a name once the baby is born.....When the baby arrives, you look at it and get a "feel" what the name should be. It's not an issue.

I gotta disagree with Tamiri. We did not have anyone to name after bh. And by my ds we had the attitude of "I'll feel what the name should be after he is born". worst mistake we ever made. we couldnt agree on anything; I was the typical hormonal pp mother, and to say we were still arguing about it on the way to the bris would NOT be an exaggeration.

OP, figure it all out beforehand. Of course things can change the last second, and keep in mind to be open about it, but have something picked out that you've okayed with the rav and both agree on before.

PinkFridge

Sun, May 16 2010, 10:29 am

Is that first name something that could go in another language, e.g. Raizel becomes Shoshana?
If you can't do that, maybe you can find a name that has a lot of the original letters or similar meaning. Sara becomes Sarit, Miriam becomes Shifra (Puah? can't remember), Chaya becomes Chava, etc.

This is complicated. I know how I would have felt had I not been able to use my mother's exact name but OTOH, this was the family Hashem knew you had to be with.
And B'shaa tova!

P.S. About your brother. Do ask a rav. I think I read somewhere that Rabbi Heinemann said that if one names a child after someone who died younger than 50 one should add a name; you can still call the baby by the favored name. So CYLOR as there are different opinions.

P.P.S. Remembering how whacky I was hormonally, now especially may be the time to ask, so you can ask before you get even more emotional than you may be now. It's a double edged sword thing this naming business. It's a bracha to have good people to name your kids after, and it's a bracha to know the names; not everyone does. But it's painful when you knew the people so well...BTDT.

Last edited by PinkFridge on Sun, May 16 2010, 3:37 pm; edited 1 time in total

Tamiri

Sun, May 16 2010, 10:59 am

amother wrote:

Tamiri wrote:

Okay, that wasn't my experience. I can't imagine we would argue over a name. 4 kids were named based on whatever was going on/how they looked after they were born. We didn't really discuss it until after the birth. We had to see what parsha, etc. One was born unexpectedly right before Shavuot. One was being mila'd by my father and he had some great suggestions. No arguments and no way to decide before the birth because we didn't have all the parameters.

amother

Sun, May 16 2010, 11:43 am

PinkFridge wrote:

P.P.S. Remembering how whacky I was hormonally, now especially may be the time to ask, so you can ask before you get even more emotional than you may be now. It's a double edged sword thing this naming business. It's a bracha to have good people to name your kids after, and it's a bracha to know the names; not everyone does. But it's painful when you knew the people so well...BTDT.

OP here. Do you mean that it was painful hearing & using that name all over again because it was such a close relative? I hadn't really thought of that...

chaylizi

Sun, May 16 2010, 11:52 am

amother wrote:

PinkFridge wrote:

OP here. Do you mean that it was painful hearing & using that name all over again because it was such a close relative? I hadn't really thought of that...

my son is named after my father. I feel a special glow every time I call him by his name (he's almost 19 months already). he was the first name for my father after many years. I'm guessing that the way you feel after naming for a close relative varies by person.

PinkFridge

Sun, May 16 2010, 12:01 pm

chaylizi wrote:

amother wrote:

PinkFridge wrote:

OP here. Do you mean that it was painful hearing & using that name all over again because it was such a close relative? I hadn't really thought of that...

Sorry about that. Glad I logged on as it's going to be hectic here and I shouldn't let this go.
Chaylizi got it.
No, it's a wonderful thing, and it will be very beautiful. Your father, or any other close relative will be thrilled - which will make you feel good - it's just that it is painful to have that name available. Even close to 30 years later, when I'm pretty matter of fact about it, there are moments. That's all I meant.
Imagine that you had a grandparent who you were very close to - it wouldn't be painful at all but very comforting. Even under sadder circumstances that's how it is. Trust me ;-)

PinkFridge

Sun, May 16 2010, 3:38 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

PinkFridge wrote:

Is that first name something that could go in another language, e.g. Raizel becomes Zehava?

Where does Raizel get to Zahava? Zavaha is Golda and Raizel is Shoshana.

Thanks. I edited it. I was thinking of just that, Raizel to Shoshana, Golda to Zehava and missed out on that.