DD REFUSES To Go To Daycamp

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 11:46 pm

Just wanna start off by saying that I know that summer is almost over but DD daycamp still has 2 weeks to go & I really cant keep her home.

She throws a fit every morning & screams & cries on the bus & in dayca,p (she does eventually clm down according to what her morahs say). She is a very happy-go-lucky child & I am worried what might be going on in daycamp tha is causing this extremem anxiety. She hasnt done this when she started nursery at the beginning of this year. She bursts into tears when I just say the word daycamp & wont let up until I promise that she wont go.

I already tried talking to her morah & director but they couldnt really help me much.

Should I be forcing her to continue to go? Am I being ruthless by forcing her to go day after day? Am I "giving in" by allowing her to stay home?

Any ideas?

Confused

groisamomma

Mon, Aug 16 2010, 3:01 am

No, you shouldn't force her to go. The morah and/or director may simply not know what's bothering her and she may not be able to verbalize. Something as silly as forcing every child to participate in sports, swimming, etc. can traumatize a child who just needs a break sometimes.

Your dd brings to mind my own dd when she was 4- she sat on the top step every day of DC for hours clutching her bag of food every single day until I came to pick her up. The morah and counselors tried everything; it was just not for her. I kept her home for the remaining 3 weeks and she appreciated every minute of being home alone with me.

It's not worth the fight. If she's also going back to school in September, it may leave her uncertain and start the year off on a hesitant note.

Just my thoughts.

Kayza

Mon, Aug 16 2010, 3:23 am

amother wrote:

Should I be forcing her to continue to go? <SNIP> Am I "giving in" by allowing her to stay home?

No and no!

How would you feel if someone forced to you to go somewhere you were petrified to go to or that you hated totally and viscerally? It's not ok to do that to an adult- why should it be ok to do that to a child?! Even if her fear is objectively unfounded, it's real and I can see no benefit to her to being forced to endure that. If you really can't keep her home (out of home job, etc.) find another alternative - even if it costs you more. You don't want your child to develop an aversion to school altogether, and you don't want your child to develop a feeling that you care for your convenience more than you care for her. I'm not saying that you do, but to a child in this kind of situation saying something "You have to go to camp so mommy can go to work" sounds like "you have to go to this horrible, terrible, tortuous place so I can go do what I want to do." And, trying to explain that that is NOT what you mean doesn't work.

By the way, what have the camp staff told you?

amother

Mon, Aug 16 2010, 9:01 am

Kayza wrote:

amother wrote:

Should I be forcing her to continue to go? <SNIP> Am I "giving in" by allowing her to stay home?

that they dont understand why she is so miserable. they tried offering ices & nosh & nothing works. She throws up from aggravation in the morning. Im wondering if she does this all just to come to my work? She loves to come to my work.

Simple1

Mon, Aug 16 2010, 9:35 am

I once had a daughter refuse to go and after many days of talking to her about it found out that another child was telling her things like "I'll poke a needle in your eye" or "I'll get the police to put you in Jail". After dealing with that she went happily.
Is your child old enough that you can ask her questions, or maybe a morah can keep a closer eye on her for a day to see if there is any bullying going on?

Barbara

Mon, Aug 16 2010, 9:35 am

amother wrote:

Kayza wrote:

amother wrote:

Should I be forcing her to continue to go? <SNIP> Am I "giving in" by allowing her to stay home?

It sounds like something is happening at camp. If she's too young to verbalize, and the camp has not been helpful, try some pseudo play-therapy. Get her dolls and play *going to camp* Maybe she'll give you a hint as to the problem. But I wouldn't force her to go.

de_goldy

Mon, Aug 16 2010, 3:46 pm

I definitely wouldn't force. Make it seem to her (even if you have to pretend) that either way is fine with you. Then, if she does stay with you, I would make it pretty boring for a couple of days. If after that, she still doesn't want to go, that seems like a clear sign that it's more about not wanting to be in camp, than wanting to be home.