WWYD? Trade gone bad!

amother

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 1:33 pm

A 7 year old kid with I guess a particularly cool "silly band" (or whatever those rubber shape bracelets are called) made a trade with my 6 year old DS, that he can have this bracelet if my son gives him 3 klafim (I guess soccer cards, being that we're in Israel).

So 2 problems with this:

1. We don't allow soccer cards or any type of sports cards, nor would we buy them for someone else
2. My son received a "pre-payment" of the bracelet, and now can't find it, so he can't return it to the boy.

The kid keeps bugging my son at school and even called our house... he wants his cards. My idea is to reimburse him for the cost of the bracelet... um, like half a shekel maybe? I'm not running around to find the exact bracelet, and I'm definitely not letting DS buy the cards. What would you do, and how much would you reimburse monetarily for a single bracelet? Rolling Eyes

shalhevet

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 1:43 pm

I really don't know what to advise you but you have several issues you need to address here:

You need to teach ds he can't trade for something he doesn't have.

You also need to teach ds he must keep to his word.

I think I would do as Yesha suggests but let him know firmly that he cannot make "deals" without asking you first. These deals are very sticky ground - kids can trade their wholewheat sandwich with cheese and tomatoes for a bag of candies, or their sweater for a junk toy.

amother

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 1:55 pm

YESHASettler wrote:

I don't understand why your son can't buy the cards (out of his allowance) and give the whole pack to the other boy.

If the trade was band for cards, then he should be held to it.

Because we don't buy the cards out of principle, and while I could call the boys' parents to find out if they allow the cards, it is against the school policy to buy such cards. So I don't want to start with buying cards and then if that boy brings it to school and they question him, it will come back to us.

amother

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 1:57 pm

shalhevet wrote:

Even if you were against buying such cards and your school was against it?

BeershevaBubby

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 2:01 pm

Well, you didn't write this in your original post, now did you.

If the trade was proposed at school and the school has a no card policy and the kids know about this policy, then I would have your son call this boy up and tell him that sine the school doesn't allow these cards, and since he lost the silly bands he got, he's going to give this kid a new package of silly bands instead.

If it had been simply YOU'RE against the cards, I would have bought them any way for the other kid since that's what the deal was.

amother

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 2:16 pm

YESHASettler wrote:

So you would give the silly bands instead of money? The thing is, it was just one single bracelet my son got, but I don't even know if you can buy them individually and I have no clue how many are in a bag or how much the pack is, or where to even buy them frankly. Not to mention, I don't have the luxury of time to go from store to store to find them. Furthermore, what's to say this kid will "accept" what we buy? They seemed to value this one because it was in the shape of a pirate or something. Again with the Rolling Eyes

shalhevet

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 2:33 pm

amother wrote:

YESHASettler wrote:

Yes, I would go to the trouble for the sake of MY son's chinuch.

He is not allowed (in the future, I presume this hadn't come up before) to make "deals" without parental permission. You can also never, never trade for something you haven't got.

Now we have to be mevatel the deal, but you lost the silly band. So now we will go from store to store tomorrow afternoon and we will ONLY buy (ie not buy you a treat) the silly bands out of YOUR money (if he doesn't have an allowance, I'd give every child in the family 5 shekels just stam so they'll have left and he won't) and you will return them to your friend.

The only trade I allow without express permission is exactly the same eg rabbonim cards for other rabbonim cards or marbles for marbles.

HindaRochel

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 2:57 pm

I would try and help my son find the silly band.
I would call the other mom up and find out where she got the bands and explain the situation to her, apologizing because my son shouldn't have traded without having the cards. I would also find out if that mom permitted her child to have soccer cards.
I would not go from store to store trying to find the right one but would have explained to the mom that I will try and get the same band for him but if not what is a good substitute?

Sorry. Neither child should have engaged in this sort of trade. Both are going to lose out because this was an ill conceived venture for them both. Your son should not have agreed to the trade without having the agreed upon item, the other child should not have given the band if there was no card to trade with, especially if such cards are forbidden by the school.

I also get the feeling or sense that this boy pressured your son in the first place to make that trade. I could be wrong,but for some reason that is my sense of the thing. Is that the case?

Regardless..both should learn.

Barbara

Sat, Dec 25 2010, 6:04 pm

amother wrote:

Its not a single bracelet -- its a rare and particulary sought-after bracelet. Reimbursing the child for the lost bracelet with the cost of a normal bracelet, or even the cost of a packet of bracelets, is rather like saying to an adult *I'm sorry that I lost your winning lottery ticket. Here, let me buy you another ticket.*

Your son made a deal. He needs to keep to the deal. That means giving the other child the cards that were promised him. He will need to pay for them out of his allowance or birtday money, or work it off by doing extra errancs. If you don't allow your child to have those cards, then you can discipline your child for making that kind of a trade. You don't have the right to deprive another child of the benefit of his bargain in order to discipline your child.

You could call the boy's parents, if you really believe that the cards are forbidden, to talk about the trade. But then you're faced with the risk that they tell you to return the bracelet, and you can't do that. You're also risking creating problems for your child at school, as a tattle-tale, or as someone who steals (takes the other child's valuable bracelet, and then not only refuses to complete the trade, but also tattles).