"Because I said so" parenting- (gifted kids)

HindaRochel

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 2:01 pm

Isramom8 wrote:

There are kids who are not all that challenging because they are quieter and more compliant. Often it's kids who are brighter than average who present specific challenges when being told just to do stuff. Kids with thought out opinions can really exasperate parents because the kids have good points about how parents should run things. But the decisions are not theirs to make.

It's different from a teen who just rebels for the sake of acting out.

That's different. I have one fairly compliant child, but she is gifted. She also has always been an extraordinary person in many ways. I really wish I could explain it, but she is very unique.

But then we have never had that type of "you must do this and here's the rules no discussion" kind of relationship with our children. And we've always listened. And we've always heard them out.

amother

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 3:08 pm

I find my gifted son to be the easy kid to deal with .
His emotional maturity allows him to logically figure out the "why" of the situation and often "translate or mediate to other sibs , the oldest one promptly would call him a suck up or Tongue Out

" "he would shake his head and solemnly declare ...you are so inmature"

chatting him up after school ,is like talking to a grown up in a kid's body . The biggest struggle with him is to remind him that I do not need a assistant or translator and to MHOB LOL

I was the why this why that kid ...so I tend to talk and describe what I'm doing and why naturally , when he was a baby I often talked about why I'm changing this diaper or why I fed him carrots or whatever and is funny to see him repeat stuff that I have told him years ago to a sib or a friend.

NEVER lie to a kid like this or infront of him .... they remenber everything better than you!!
I'm the amother who posted the tips! HR I hate the label gifted too! often is misgiven and can be a handy excuse for "brat behavior" .

funny tale from the trenches.

DD had a "gifted" clasmate (mum said she was)...she would slap mum if she did not get 100% attention ,I asked mum "are you going to let her slap you?" mum answered I don't potch ...I'm Israeli (she said is against the law there) and my child NEEDS my full attention cause she is gifted (at being a brat is my guess) Rolling Eyes

never ever did we have playdates again ...she thought I was oppresive Rolling Eyes

amother

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 3:17 pm

Isramom8 wrote:

B"H I have 2 gifted kids.
my oldest- from day one we always explained everyting to her. we never told her "becasue I said so" not as a policy, but becasue it seemed that she was more willing to do what we said if she understood.
fast forward 11 years.this example will illustrate it.
I asked my 10 yr old (not gifted) DD to put the 3 yr old into pj's, she nods and goes to do it.
I asked my 11 yr old (gifted one) to put her 2 yr brother into PJ's and I see her opening her mouth to argue- so I quickly gave her an explanation as to why he needs to be put into pj's now and not later.
the 11 yr old never learned -instant obedience- she will reason argue or manipulate every situation until she is satisfied. she will not do anything unless she understands.

now I have a 8 yr old gifted child too.
with him (after I saw how difficult my 11 yr old is) I many times explain and make him understand, but many many times I tell him "because I said so" or "because those are my rules" ONLY to teach him instance obedience.
I started this pretty early- after seeing the disasterous results of constantly explaining myself to his older sister.
and you know what? it works.
he listens to what I say so much more without always needing an explanation.

now that the 11 yr old is maturing I can tell her, listen I will not give you an explanation, but please do it. she grumbles, but because of her maturity and generally non explosive personality she will listen.

so given my experience with 2 gifted kids- I would say explain yes, but also say I told you so.
wanna know why? -because I told you so. Wink

Fox

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 3:28 pm

I don't necessarily consider my kids "gifted," so I've avoided that whole end of this discussion. This was argued long and loud on another thread, but the concept of "giftedness" is so vague that it really covers a lot of ground.

That said, I have one child who definitely needs to be "meta-educated" more than the others. She does not score unusually well on IQ tests, but she is very verbal and perceptive, and thinks a great deal about things.

In a sense, I think the kind of questioning personality we're describing in this thread is a kind of giftedness, whether it comes in tandem with superior intelligence or whether it is simply a personality trait.