my teenage daughter feels different then her peers

amother

Wed, Jan 05 2011, 12:33 am

my daughter is 13 and sometimes wonders if she is normal. she likes hanging out with us her parents better then with friends. she also does not enjoy shopping like her friends do. I know this bothers her but im wondering myself why she is like that. trust me im not complaining because I have a very close relationship with her and enjoy her but what should I do to make her feel good about herself. I do encourage her to invite friends since she never wants to go to them

Ruchel

Wed, Jan 05 2011, 12:26 pm

Quote:

she likes hanging out with us her parents better then with friends.

Many mechanchim would say this is normal and even great! Kids should be more attached to their family than their peers.

Not all kids, teens, girls, women... enjoy shopping at all. Some even hate it.

It is normal to feel different or wonder if we are normal at teenage.

Ask her what she would like. Does she want to enjoy shopping or be social, or does she just want to be "like the others". If first, try to find a shop or an activity she enjoys. If second, tell her she is BH as Hashem made her, and perfect!

Wed, Jan 05 2011, 12:45 pm

amother wrote:

my daughter is 13 and sometimes wonders if she is normal.

I think every thirteen-year-old girl feels out of place sometimes. Even girls who seem to fit in perfectly have these feelings at that age.

At some point she will need to know how to interact with people with whom she has little in common. If she is socially awkward, help her develop social skills such as greeting peers, picking up on social cues, ending a conversation gracefully, etc. For a person whose interests are different from those of the majority, it is helpful to learn how to carry on small talk about topics that might not be her priority. Also, discuss with her how she can find out if her peers have other interests (besides shopping) which she might share.

What are your daughter's interests? If she would like to have more friends, she may need to look harder than just around the neighborhood. Perhaps joining a club, study group, youth group, etc, may help.

It is wonderful to hear that you have a good relationship with her. That is not to be taken for granted with an adolescent daughter!

Kayza

Wed, Jan 05 2011, 8:19 pm

amother wrote:

I know this bothers her but im wondering myself why she is like that. trust me im not complaining because I have a very close relationship with her and enjoy her but what should I do to make her feel good about herself. I do encourage her to invite friends since she never wants to go to them

Stop encouraging her to invite friends. And stop wondering "why she is like this". It comes through. The single most important thing you can do for her is to accept her as she is. Period. Full stop.

If she is socially awkward, pushing her to hang out with her peers etc. is not really going to make her less awkward. However, you might find it useful to encourage her to volunteer, especially with a program that connects to seniors (if you are NYC, I can give you a number of suggestions.) Don't push it. And don't encourage it to improve her social skills, but to encourage her to do something to help others. The potential improvement in social skills is only a nice side effect, and should not even be a unspoken reason.