Is this your Typical day too?

Tefila

Wed, Jul 19 2006, 7:57 pm

Quote:

A typical day… is pretty sad Exclamation

I once read an account of the typical conversations that occur between parent and child in the coarse of an average day.

If a recording were to be made of the interaction between a parent and their child, it would look something like this:

“Take your feet off the couch.”

“Food belongs in the kitchen.”

“Get your shoes on already.”

“Be careful with the milk.”

“Hurry up!”

“Don’t yell.”

“Let me pour the milk for you.”

“We’re late, hurry!”

“Food belongs in the kitchen.”

“Oh! Look at the mess you made!”

“Here’s a towel, clean it up.”

“What do you mean, you can’t find your shoes?”

“Did you brush your teeth?”

“Where was the other shoe?”

“Finish up, we’ve gotta go!”

“Talk to your sister nicely.”

“Get your coat on.”

“I SAID DON’T YELL!”

What can I say? Way too sad for any comments.

by Ellen C. Braun (visit her site raising small souls)

Sadly it sounds familiar Sad

so r we too rushed that we can't take the time to talk rather then order ?
Hmm I try but obviously not hard enough Confused

Tefila

Sun, Jul 30 2006, 2:31 am

Quote:

by Ellen c braun
Reflecting Versus Reacting (from raising small souls)

Imagine traveling in the mini-van with your daughter. “I’m hungry!” she wines during a long stretch of the highway.

“You are not hungry, darling,” You respond to your daughter, “you just ate dinner.”

Daughter has two choices right now:

Choice #1: Believe Parent; if my parent says that I’m not hungry, then that must be the fact. The rumbling in my belly must be my imagination. Unconsciously, the thought process will travel even further: My feelings may not be real. I’ve got to check with my parents to see if my feelings are truly accurate. I am not capable of trusting my own intuition and emotions.

Choice #2: Not believe Parent; if my parent says that I’m not hungry, that means he does not know what he is talking about! My own feelings will guide me to knowledge of the truth. Unconsciously, the thought process will travel down a road that looks like this: My parent does not understand me at all. He has no idea who I am or what I am feeling.

—–

I recall speaking with two different friends recently on a day that I was suffering from stomach problems.

Friend A said to me, “Why don’t you try this pill or that pill?”

Friend B empathized with, “Oh, Ellen, it’s so hard to get anything done when your stomach is out of sorts… it’s as though the whole you is out of sorts, but your mind is working fine and you want to do things, you just feel like you’re weighed down.”

Obviously, Friend A meant well. However, it was Friend B who reflected my feelings that made me feel comforted.

—–

Like learning a new language, switching gears from reacting to your children’s expressions to the new method of reflecting their inner feelings, will take a bit of time. In the beginning, you may feel awkward with this manner of conversation, yet over time, it will become a natural and habitual way of response.

—–

When a child hears his emotions reflected back to him, he is able to accept, trust, and respect his own feelings. That is the essence of confidence. When a child has the ability to base ideas and decisions upon his thoughts and feelings, he is self-aware and possesses a healthy level of self-esteem.

Here is an example of reactionary as well as reflective parental behavior:

—–

Scene I- Reacting: Susie came home from school with a watercolor painting. “Wow, this is beautiful,” Mom gushed, “really spectacular; you’re a wonderful artist.”

A quick peak into Susie’s mind will yield this train of thought: “Am I really an artist? What about all those times that my paintings didn’t come out so nice? How do I know that I can keep on painting so well? What will Mom say if my next painting is not this pretty?”

Scene II- Reflecting: Susie came home from school with a watercolor painting. “I like the colors you chose,” Mom said. “The bright red and green make me feel like getting a juicy fruit for a snack right now.”

A quick peak into Susie’s mind will yield the following: “Wow, Mom really thinks my fruits look real, she even got hungry looking at my painting. I can actually paint an object and make it look appealing. Next time I’m going to try painting cookies. Or bread with jam. Or perhaps flowers.”

MOM222

Sun, Jul 30 2006, 9:15 am

Tefila wrote:

Quote:

by Ellen c braun
Scene I- Reacting: Susie came home from school with a watercolor painting. “Wow, this is beautiful,” Mom gushed, “really spectacular; you’re a wonderful artist.”

A quick peak into Susie’s mind will yield this train of thought: “Am I really an artist? What about all those times that my paintings didn’t come out so nice? How do I know that I can keep on painting so well? What will Mom say if my next painting is not this pretty?”

Scene II- Reflecting: Susie came home from school with a watercolor painting. “I like the colors you chose,” Mom said. “The bright red and green make me feel like getting a juicy fruit for a snack right now.”

A quick peak into Susie’s mind will yield the following: “Wow, Mom really thinks my fruits look real, she even got hungry looking at my painting. I can actually paint an object and make it look appealing. Next time I’m going to try painting cookies. Or bread with jam. Or perhaps flowers.”

I thought this was great. This is a lot harder to train oneself then to sympathize with you childs emotions.
Are there more examples that she says?