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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
ora_43
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 Wed, Apr 13 2011, 7:20 am
| Barbara wrote: | | amother wrote: | | I call my domestic help "[gentile woman]" and treat her with royalty. She always tells me how nice I am to her so whatever you call her totaly doesn't make a difference. |
So, if your daughter's teacher regularly refers to her as a Skank Ho, but is a good and fair teacher, that's fine by you.
Your son's teacher calls him Moron, but treats him fairly, you're ok with that.
Your boss refers to you as That Kike Bee-Yothch, but pays you well and doesn't harass you, that's fine.
Your husband's boss calls him Jew Boy Krist Killer, that's also fine. |
The difference is that all of those terms are obviously intended as insults, whereas there are people who honestly do not see the difference between "[gentile woman]" and "non-Jewish woman who provides professional household help." Except that the former term is much shorter, and in communities where a term is used frequently, people tend to go with the slang.
Not that it's OK to use whatever term you want just because it wasn't intended to be offensive - how it will be taken matters, regardless of intent. But a person who uses terms like "[gentile woman]" isn't necessarily a bad employer to cleaning help, just someone who isn't aware of the stigma of certain words.
It's kind of like how an 80-year-old who uses words that are considered racist and offensive in 2011, but were fine back in 1971, shouldn't be assumed to be more racist than a 20-year-old who only uses words that are currently PC.
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Barbara
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Wed, Apr 13 2011, 1:45 pm
| ora_43 wrote: | | Barbara wrote: | | amother wrote: | | I call my domestic help "[gentile woman]" and treat her with royalty. She always tells me how nice I am to her so whatever you call her totaly doesn't make a difference. |
So, if your daughter's teacher regularly refers to her as a Skank Ho, but is a good and fair teacher, that's fine by you.
Your son's teacher calls him Moron, but treats him fairly, you're ok with that.
Your boss refers to you as That Kike Bee-Yothch, but pays you well and doesn't harass you, that's fine.
Your husband's boss calls him Jew Boy Krist Killer, that's also fine. |
The difference is that all of those terms are obviously intended as insults, whereas there are people who honestly do not see the difference between "[gentile woman]" and "non-Jewish woman who provides professional household help." Except that the former term is much shorter, and in communities where a term is used frequently, people tend to go with the slang.
Not that it's OK to use whatever term you want just because it wasn't intended to be offensive - how it will be taken matters, regardless of intent. But a person who uses terms like "[gentile woman]" isn't necessarily a bad employer to cleaning help, just someone who isn't aware of the stigma of certain words.
It's kind of like how an 80-year-old who uses words that are considered racist and offensive in 2011, but were fine back in 1971, shouldn't be assumed to be more racist than a 20-year-old who only uses words that are currently PC. |
If a person genuinely didn't know that a term was offensive, then I would give the person a break. But I've had this argument here time and time again (although I don't recall if you were part of those discussions). Even when people are gently reminded that words are offensive to others, they say *well, I don't mean it that way, so I'll keep using it*
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