thank-you notes for kids

musclemom

Wed, May 04 2011, 10:22 am

how makpid are you to make your kids, small and large, write thank you notes? I have always been pretty heavy-handed about this because I was raised to do it and I feel it is the riht thing, even if others don't do it. this applies to birthdays, bar/bas mitzvahs, and weddings, equally. I want my kids to be menschen and also express themselves well in writing. have a hakaros hatov is basic to being a jew.

morah

Wed, May 04 2011, 1:26 pm

I'm not up to that stage yet (currently writing thank you notes for all the baby gifts my 1 month old is getting Very Happy

) but my parents were very strict about it. I dawdled around when it came to my bat mitzvah gifts and my mother made me miss an event I really wanted to go to so I could finish the notes in one day. I never forgot that and ever since (wedding, baby) I have written the notes as the gifts arrived. But yeah, this is part of being a mensch. I'm rather disturbed that some parents find teaching their kids to write thank yous optional.

zaq

Wed, May 04 2011, 1:29 pm

MiracleMama wrote:

How could anyone NOT teach their kids how important it is to thank someone properly?

Ha. From what I've read on this forum, such chinuch is as rare as a Donald Trump good-hair day. Check out some of the threads in which kallahs try to justify not sending thank-you notes for wedding gifts because they "can't be expected" to write several hundred notes or because they don't even know the person who gave the gift or because the gift-giver "knows it's appreciated" or--and this is the best one of all--because they didn't like the gift!

MiracleMama

Wed, May 04 2011, 10:26 pm

zaq wrote:

MiracleMama wrote:

How could anyone NOT teach their kids how important it is to thank someone properly?

Thank you for the good laugh! LOL

I know you're right. I've many times given gifts to people who can't be bothered with a note or a call of thanks. That doesn't change the fact that I find it crazy that someone could think it's okay to raise their child(ren) to think it's acceptable.

Raisin

Thu, May 05 2011, 4:58 am

I or my kids have never received a single thank you note for birthday gifts I have given to kids. I think at 5,7 or 9 a verbal thank you is adequate.

I would expect a bar or bas mitzva to sent thank you notes - at that age they are old enough to write it themselves. Although I never notice if people haven't sent notes.

(People who notice and take offence when they have not received a thank you note are generally people who are not very busy and have never been very busy, and cannot understand that other people might be busy.

I'm sure I insulted lots of people when I had a newborn with colic and my thank you notes went out when he was 4 months old. although newlyweds and bar/bas mitzvas usually do not have this excuse)

Marion

Thu, May 05 2011, 5:16 am

I wrote all my bat mitzvah thank you notes in one day...my parents threatened not letting me get on the camp bus if they weren't done. My bat mitzvah was 3 days before camp started...

I wrote wedding notes for my parents' and grandparents-in-law's friends. I asked my husband to at least sit with me to write the ones for his parents' friends as I didn't even know how most of them should be addressed (Dr and Mrs, Dr and Dr, Rabbi and Mrs...). He never did, and they never went out. Then we had our computer stolen and with it the list of who had given what... Our friends (our ages) got verbal thank yous.

When DS#1 was born I wrote with the same criteria...anyone who would be upset if I didn't bother. Mostly those were the ones from chutz la'aretz. When DS#2 was born the list of note receivers went down even further. I hoped people would understand that I had a 20 month old and a newborn and there were just not enough hours in the day. Again, I made sure to write the ones that would be offended (like the friends of my husband's grandparents).

I think at some point there's a cultural divide. In chutz la'aretz and in more charedi circles there is a certain formality that seems to be missing in Israeli secular circles.

That said, when my kids get old enough to write they will be writing notes to grandparents for gifts. And they'll definitely be buckling down after their bar mitzvahs!

(My parents' rule was you couldn't use it, play with it, cash it, or spend it until the note was written...)

Raisin

Thu, May 05 2011, 5:21 am

I think email thank yous are fine for most people under about 40. Older people might still want you to write by hand.

Pesonally we hardly ever send letters - bills are done online, or we email or text. Almost the only time I use the mail is for packages. it's not like 50 years ago when people kept a stock of paper, envelopes and stamps for daily correspondance so writing a few thank you notes was no big deal.