Kids who like to hang out with adults

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Sat, Aug 06 2011, 5:13 pm

Growing up, I always liked to socialize with older people. I felt people my age were shallow, obsessed with stupidity, and unconcerned about the things that really counted. I usually socialized with people 2-3 years older than I was, but I enjoyed the company of adults better than kids my age.
My husband was the same way. He thought the kids his age were stupid, boring, petty, and immature, and he didn't enjoy socializing with them. He just stuck to himself and hung out with his older brothers and their friends.

Now I'm on the other end of the coin. There are kids who will come up to me while I'm working, reading, or socializing with a friend in public. Who want my attention. Who would rather hang out with me and my other adult friends than to spend time with their same aged peers.
And it drives me BONKERS! I want to tell the kids "Go hang out with someone who actually wants to spend time with you. I don't feel like hanging out with a 9 year old who isn't my relative. Go away please!"

So I can probably get how other adults feel. Its not fun to hang out with a 5 or 7 or 11 year old kid, for the most part. We want to socialize with other adults, not with little kids.

So what do we do if we end up having kids who prefer the company of adults because he/she finds kids his/her age boring and shallow, something we identify with because we felt the same way as kids, but we also understand how adults don't want little kids tagging along?
What do we suggest to our children? How do we properly be mechanech them?

(Does anyone not mind little kid tag alongs (usually strangers), especially when you're trying to get something else done? Or would the vast majority of adults find it annoying, as I do, especially if it continues for more than 2 or 3 minutes?)

amother

Sat, Aug 06 2011, 10:36 pm

I have one adorable little neighbor girly that always enlightens me with little tidbits about her life. I've noticed that she does the same to other mothers. Nobody really minds, except her own mother I think. She's always shooing her off to play with kids instead of hanging around us listening.

grin

Sat, Aug 06 2011, 11:20 pm

ds used to do that a lot - he needed someone more mentally attuned to him to chat with (he's a little philosopher); he found a single guy who didn't mind and ds did small errands for him in exchange for the attention.

he's still ahead of his peers somewhat, but it's evening out now BH (he's 15 now) - sometimes he chats with his teachers, though.

Rubber Ducky

Sat, Aug 06 2011, 11:57 pm

DS#1 used to do that. He was (and is) highly gifted, and was interested in topics that weren't on the radar of other kids his age. The adults never complained to me about it, and in general they seemed to enjoy his company -- many of them were his teachers.

Since it bothers you, I guess you can say that you need to do XYZ now and excuse yourself. If you're chatting with friends and the topic becomes unsuitable for children, you can ask the child to leave -- I certainly have done that. But in general, having one of the neighborhood kids hanging around doesn't bother me at all.

sushilover

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 12:55 am

My friend's 12 year old daughter is always sitting with the adults. She doesn't usually say anything, just sits there looking and listening and filing away every word we say. It gets SO annoying. I love my friend but whenever she comes over to join conversations, I groan inwardly cause there goes any interesting chatter! We obviously can't talk normally with her daughter around.

amother

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 1:39 am

Rubber Ducky wrote:

Since it bothers you, I guess you can say that you need to do XYZ now and excuse yourself. If you're chatting with friends and the topic becomes unsuitable for children, you can ask the child to leave -- I certainly have done that. But in general, having one of the neighborhood kids hanging around doesn't bother me at all.

This kid doesn't just hang around us and "join our conversation". He stops us from talking because he wants to talk to us, about stupid things. Like we were giving our kids chalk to play with, and he starts lecturing us on how cigarettes are bad, and we shouldn't give them to our kids to play with. We said "This is chalk, not cigarettes. If they were cigarettes, we wouldn't be giving them to our 2 year olds to play with." So then he says "Are you sure? If you smoked, would you let your 2 year old smoke?" and stupid things like that.

We can't continue talking normally when he's around, and that's what is even more annoying than if he just wanted to hang out around us.

The main question I had was less what to do when he hangs around us, but rather, now that I see it bothers other adults, what do you do when your kid tends to show these tendencies and wants to hang out with adults?

And regarding finding a single adult of the same gender to hang out with that doesn't mind, with all this talk nowadays about zxual predators, you wouldn't worry about a man who doesn't mind "hanging out" with your 5 or 7 year old kid?

groisamomma

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 2:17 am

[quote="amother"]

Rubber Ducky wrote:

And regarding finding a single adult of the same gender to hang out with that doesn't mind, with all this talk nowadays about zxual predators, you wouldn't worry about a man who doesn't mind "hanging out" with your 5 or 7 year old kid?

Same thought went through my head.

Monsey Mama

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 2:45 am

I have a friend whose daughter always joins our conversations also. She is 9. Besides, instantly freezing the conversations, she whines and won't go away when her mother directs her too. It reached the point where I avoid my very good friend.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 3:15 am

Ugh, I hear you!

With little kids, it's one thing. When it's older kids, it's annoying as all heck. My best friend's oldest girl just turned 13, and for the past year she has been ALL up in everybody's business every time an adult comes over. She's rude, obnoxious, and thinks she knows everything - typical teenager. She never listens to her mom, and actually fights with her dad in front of company, super disrespectful! We try to talk about parenting, nursing, our husbands, typical "mom talk" that goes on when the men leave the table, and she won't go away. She has to hover of us and dominate the conversation at all costs. When her own friends come over to visit, she'll ignore them completely if she can hang around the women.

I kinda feel bad for the parents, but on the other hand, they're the ones who don't follow through when they tell her to leave. They just get tired and give in, or else it turns into a huge screaming match.

Thank G-d, my kid prefers to play with kids who are younger than she is. She's an only child, and likes to pretend that other people's kids are her little brothers and sisters, and she likes to "take care of them".

Merrymom

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 12:36 pm

My nieces are like this too. For that matter so are my children but mine will leave when I tell them to. My sisters are so worried for their kids's self-esteem that they're afraid to tell them to go. Yes, I know Rolling Eyes

Depressed

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 1:15 pm

op I think you are and self-centered what should I say.

HindaRochel

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 1:27 pm

I think it is actually normal and healthy for kids to have non-parent adults in their lives. Kids need someone to vent to, to test their ideas out on, to learn about life, and sometimes it is important to have someone NOT the mama (or papa) who listens and cares.

Jewishmofm

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 9:59 pm

I'm with HR on this one. I'm also open to kids coming over to talk as long as they are interesting! have one neighbor who will send her kids over specifically to shmooze with me.

alpidarkomama

Mon, Aug 08 2011, 12:52 am

Generally, I love visiting with children that aren't my own. Or teenagers. Or babies. I just like kids. I love borrowing other people's children too, even when my children are off somewhere else. I've always enjoyed this. And as a kid, I too preferred older or adult company to friends my own age. I think it really just depends on your personality!

amother

Mon, Aug 08 2011, 3:12 am

Depressed wrote:

op I think you are and self-centered what should I say.

Wow, you always have something nice to say to everyone, dont you. Rolling Eyes

ValleyMom

Mon, Aug 08 2011, 3:16 am

I'm cracking up because I thought calling people names like "self centered" isn't very kind...
Then you posted...
Good call!
:-)

amother

Mon, Aug 08 2011, 3:34 am

OP here. I actually love kids, have worked as a babysitter and enjoy "hanging out" with kids of all ages. But theres a time and a place for everything. If there is a kid who you barely know who is hanging on to your sleeve when you're trying to have a conversation with a friend, thats a much different situation than a kid who asks to come over to your house to shmooze. The second I don't mind, the first I do. Theres a time and a place for everyone, and kids who don't respect adult's boundaries are annoying as heck.

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