New here to this forum, need chizuk please!!!

amother

Sat, Sep 10 2011, 10:23 pm

Hi ladies, I've been scrolling through these posts and I see I am not alone with challenging children. I have a large family. All my kids have been very challenging and intense, and we've managed somehow with each one. But my 5 yr old son is more of a challenge than the others. he's basically been kicked out of kindergarten. I haven't gotten him officially assessed yet, but I'm looking into it. It SEEMS that he has sensory stuff coupled with ADHD. He is too much for the teachers, they need someone to be on top of him all the time. His sensory issues make him constantly touch and "mutcher" the other kids, sometimes inappropriately (last week he took a child next to him in circle time, grabbed his face, and kissed him on the mouth). His behavior at home is intense too, I loathe shabbos because I can't take all the kids out on a field trip or turn on a video to calm them down. If he is frustrated he will melt down to the point of being totally disruptive (and sometimes unsafe/violent) to siblings. I have SO much on my plate with my large family. We have enough issues as it is, but unfortunately right now we're also going through a crisis and having to deal with this one child's extra drama along with everything/everyone else is wearing me thin. I am seriously considering medication, but that makes me feel like a failure, or like I'm not doing right by him. Words of chizuk, advice, suggestions, comfort, etc. all welcome and very NEEDED. Thanks for letting me vent.

the world's best mom

Sat, Sep 10 2011, 11:19 pm

Is your son getting OT? Ot is a must for sensory kids. There's also a lot you can do for him at home, which an OT can tell you about. A weighted vest or a pressure vest may be a good idea, as well as brushing, getting a swing at home, deep pressure massage and stuff like that.

Hang in there. I have sensory kids too, and they have calmed down a ton after getting therapy for a while. My daily life used to be a roller coaster, and now it's much more under control.

If a child is so out of control from ADHD, giving him meds could be doing him the biggest favor by enabling him to be normal, but you should check out all options before rushing into it. There are many kids who are medicated who don't really have ADHD.

Good luck! May you have much Nachas from all of your children.

amother

Sat, Sep 10 2011, 11:37 pm

I put off getting my son who has ADHD medicated. He also has sensory issues; but not the same kind as your son. I regret putting off medicating him. Once I medicated him, he rose to the top of his class academically. It is very bad for a child's self esteem for adults to be mad at him and frustrated with him so often.

I would advice you to get your son treated and followed by a phychiatrist rather than his peditrician.

My son's sensory issues faded in time; but I have learned to alter his environment especially in the a.m. Another thing that works with him is strong boundaries and predictable routines. When his routine is altered, give him plenty of advance warning.

Hotzloucha

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2011, 2:03 am

I am the amother with the son with ADHD and sensory issues. I would have started my son sooner if I knew the benefits he receives. I also felt that as a good mother, I should be able to "fix" this problem without medication. I waited too long. I also did not get him on a strong dose. My son is now considered a "good boy" as well as academically gifted. My other children paid the price for my son's outrageous conduct. They now have better relationships. My son is also quite popular which is not something I could gave foreseen. Remember that you are not medicating him to make your life easier but his better.

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2011, 2:03 am

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2011, 2:04 am

momigor

Sun, Sep 11 2011, 3:45 am

5 is not too young for meds, and if your son needs it, it will make a BIG improvement!!!! I've been there and done that. It's actually very good for the child, from my experience, because when they're acting in a more socially acceptable way they're not getting on everyone's nerves and they get better feedback. I'm sure that behavioral therapies would also be helpful at some point.

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2011, 5:38 am

amother wrote:

I am a different amother and I have a dd with ADHD. I can only agree. If your child has ADHD, please put them on meds. You are not a failure any more than a mother whose child needs glasses and buys them for him. I was so against meds - I felt exactly like the OP. Giving your child the opportunity to be "normal", to not always be shouted at and rejected and punished, is the biggest gift you can give them. My dd used to spend her days outside the principal's office waiting for the next punishment and reprimand. Now she gets high grades, has friends (up to a point, she still has social issues but they are more under control) and the teachers love her.

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2011, 9:03 am

Hi everyone, thanks for your thoughtful responses. Firstly, we eat pretty naturally and have been aware of the food-mood connection for awhile. We don't do food colorings, etc. I can't say we're PERFECT about it, but we're good about it. Secondly, I do want to get him evaluated but I'm not sure where. Psychiatrist? Neurologist? I feel so "in the dark" about what to do next. Reading your posts lets me know I am not alone. Thank you ladies.

Seraph

Sun, Sep 11 2011, 9:16 am

If you want to look for a more natural option, no experience with this myself, I've heard of people who have had success calming ADHD type kids, etc... with high doses of Omega 3.
Another option is cutting out gluten and dairy, which often does wonders for behavioral issues.

gryp

Sun, Sep 11 2011, 9:33 am

How about a shadow in the classroom?

I agree about having him evaluated (developmental pediatrician) and getting occupational therapy.

Before meds, I would try some of the different vitamin complexes out there that are made to cut out inappropriate behaviors, extending focus and concentration, and help the child with impulsiveness. Behavior Balance is one of them, but ask your Rav about the kashrus (I never got around to asking mine but I think I need to now.) I haven't tried it (yet) but the reviews from parents are incredible.