bad language | Imamother

amother

Tue, Oct 25 2011, 5:21 pm

my husband and I have both noticed that our 18 year old son uses bad language in posts to his friends on facebook and on his wall etc (not as in rude TO them, he is not a nasty person at all he has a kind heart), but as in he uses swear words and just ugly words as a matter of course lightheartedly in the manner he writes. (we do NOT spy on him, both of us have facebook as well and are "friends" with him. it upsets both of us but as he is not a child anymore we feel that there is nothing we can do about it, and it would be too awkward to tell him that we have been looking at all his all facebook posts and are really not happy about his language. you know what 18 year old boys are like. he's very much a free spirit and I guess it's that stage where these behavioural things are out of of our control as parents. my husband once in a jokey way commented to him about it but it wasn't successful. I guess I am not really asking anything but am I overeacting or would others feel as upset about this as me?

amother

Tue, Oct 25 2011, 5:24 pm

no I hear you. I also feel disturbed when I see bad language and I don't like to see, hear it at all. unfortunately many young people do use it SO flippantly these days. it makes me sick too

shoeboxgirly

Wed, Oct 26 2011, 9:17 am

Perhaps inform him that future employers and educational institutions look up potential staff members / pupils before offering a place. It might not bother him right now, or whilst he's at college (if that is his next destination), but the last thing he wants is that something he inadvertantly said years ago come and haunt him and prevent him from achieving what he wants.

We must all try and remember someone is always watching...Hashem is!...but also are human beings who form opinions.

Fox

Wed, Oct 26 2011, 1:20 pm

Given the fact that your son doesn't use inappropriate language IRL, this is the equivalent of a child tottering around in her mommy's high heels; it's a form of "dress-up."

I think ShoeBoxGirly is on the right track. Rather than making it a middos issue, make it a public relations issue. Remind your son that nothing on the Internet is ever truly private and that nothing is guaranteed to disappear over time. Potential employers, potential schools, potential kallahs . . . they will all potentially have access to his posts, and they may judge him without knowing the "true" person inside.

BTW, we had a similar issue with our teenage son a couple of years ago. The language wasn't awful, but it was far, far from ideal. We used ShoeBoxGirly's approach with one important addition: We enlisted DS's teenage sisters to reinforce how turned off they would be by a bochur using such un-classy language. They reminded him that all of his friends have sisters -- sisters whom he might conceivably want to date at some future point. That stopped the problem in its tracks!