advice for a husbannd

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Forum -> Health & Wellness -> Healthy Lifestyle/ Weight Loss/ Exercise

Advice for a husbannd

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Mon, Nov 28 2011, 1:40 pm

My brother's wife put on 25 pounds since they got married ( 2 kids and 4 years).
She was a bit heavy when they got married.
It really bothers him and he asked me what he should do and say to his wife.
He is very skinny and in shape.
I feel he needs to push her in a positive way to loose the weight.

Any ideas or insight?

notshanarishona

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 1:47 pm

Personally, if my husband would talk to either of our siblings for advice, I would be offended that he was scared to talk to me directly. (not saying its your fault that he confided in you but I think weight is a very personal issue).

That being said , no one can force someone else to lose weight. Part of having babies is gaining weight and not e/o is motivated enough to work hard to get rid of it.
If I were him I think he should talk to her once about in in a gentle way and if she says she can't , doesn't have energy, etc... then he should deal with it .
If $ is not issue, they could discuss her joining a gym.

I

OOTBubby

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 2:14 pm

There was an article on exactly this subject in one this week's magazines -- maybe Binah or Ami Living?

tsiggelle

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 2:52 pm

why does he want her to lose weight, exactly? that can make a huge difference.

I can tell you what is not going to work. force. blackmail. putting down.

your brother knows that. yes, I know. I wanted to put it here for others wanting their loved ones to lose weight or circumference (sp?).

if she doesnt have or get the will, it probably wont work as well.

and regardless of his wishes for her to lose weight, he needs to make her feel that he really loves her even the way she is now. she will probably feel if he fakes it.

mizle10

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 2:54 pm

If she doesn;t want to lose weight it's not gonna happen.

Pamela

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 3:01 pm

Please do not say anything.

tsiggelle

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 3:19 pm

y wrote:

I went back to re read your op.

you get a few points for realising that negativity wont give anyone anything positive.

but why does he want her to lose weight? why didnt you tell him that gaining weight is normal, and not only after children?

what do you call by ' a bit heavy'? he didnt expect her to lose that after they married , did he? does he know that people's bodies work differently , that some can eat all they want without gaining, and others can gain from semingly nothing?

please do clarify these points.

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 6:52 pm

tsiggelle wrote:

y wrote:

He ignored the fact that she was slightly overweight when they got engaged, but he never expected her to put on so much weight after marriage.
He is a very sensitive about her looks and I can't just blow him off because that will just frustrate him.

Pinkerella

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 10:05 pm

For starters he'd needs to be ready to help *a lot* with the kids and household. He can't expect her to be up at night with a baby, deal with the kids and house and be able to focus on losing weight.

If she has made any comments of her own ("I gained so much weight since the kids...") He can piggy back on that and ask if there's anything she wants to do to lose weight and how can he help.

And most importantly I get the feeling that he's worried about what other people think. He has to get over it.

chocolate moose

Mon, Nov 28 2011, 10:34 pm

No one likes the Food Police or the Diet police. even if they have to lose weight.

Tue, Nov 29 2011, 5:58 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

No one likes the Food Police or the Diet police. even if they have to lose weight.

Thanks, I told him that clearly.

And yes he is sensitive to how she appears.
It might be a hangup but we don't "just get over " our hangups overnight!

SS6099

Tue, Nov 29 2011, 8:23 pm

As much as it may bother him, he has to show her unconditional love which is most important. As mentioned, negativity will NOT breed results.

Thu, Dec 01 2011, 6:16 pm

Thanks, I'll pass that all along.

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