is this an insulting present?

amother

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 10:20 pm

I am considering buying my dh a year's subscription to a gym. he really needs to lose weight, and he knows I really want him to. it is something he is interested in , as he once mentioned that he would like to subscribe. do you think this is an offensive gift?

mamommommy

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 10:24 pm

Whether or not this is offensive is totally dependent on your dh's personality and how he would take it. Generally, giving someone something that they really want is considered a nice gift. Just be sure that it is something that he really wants and not just something that you really want for him.

Raizle

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 10:26 pm

hmmmm it really depends and is hard to answer
if he's been saying a lot that he wants to go to the gym, he wishes he had a membership and that sort of stuff then maybe you can get away with it.
If on the whole, it's coming mainly from you then it may come across not so nice

manyhats

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 10:28 pm

Would you like that as a gift?

amother

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 10:32 pm

manyhats wrote:

Would you like that as a gift?

you're saying if I was overweight? im not, btw. its tricky. he hasn't been wishing aloud for a subscription, but it is something he would prob enjoy. it does come along with a message that you need to lose weight, though, which is why I'm nervous about it. he would never sign up on his own, and he never exercises. but if he had motivation to go, he wld enjoy it.

Raizle

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 11:38 pm

what if you asked him what he'd like as a gift?

chatouli

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 11:50 pm

What about a gift certificate to a class he might enjoy that would also help him get in shape, e.g. krav maga? That's more like a hobby and may be better received.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Dec 08 2011, 12:09 am

Of course you love him and only mean well but , err, careful.

If you only knew the big-fat-belly bulky-shouldered male relatives I saw live to their nineties! Being fat doesn't have to kill people. Or make them un-beautiful to those who love them.

Drop it, girl. Just my opinion. Think about something else, and never say a word. It is very hurtful to people to have another say they think they need to lose weight. The person himself can think that, nobody else.

If working out is in order, better to hire a personal trainer, briefly, to teach safe technique, and buy free weights for use at home, such as a bar and some small plates to start, or maybe a Bowflex. The technique must be absolutely correct, or there will be injuries. This is better than a gym - more convenient, cheaper, and he is around the house, not out somewhere, getting all fascinated by the mirrors they always have in gyms, to make the customer feel bad and keep coming back. He should be thinking about his studies, his work, and his family, not his reflection in a mirror.

But don't suggest any of that - unless he brings it up first. You say he mentioned this once. Well, wait for the next mention. You may have a long wait. It doesn't sound like he is all that interested. Probably has a lot of other things to think about, these days.

You are cooking leanly, of course. You are not the one here asking for a good cake recipe.

Shalom Bais is so important that it is concerning to see you risk it over essentially nothing. One assumes he doesn't look completely different from before he was married, just older. You knew what you were getting, one assumes. Please count your blessings and be careful. This post doesn't sound very supportive but I mean well.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Dec 08 2011, 12:12 am

chatouli wrote:

What about a gift certificate to a class he might enjoy that would also help him get in shape, e.g. krav maga? That's more like a hobby and may be better received.

Unless he sees through it. But it's a good idea.

chocolate moose

Thu, Dec 08 2011, 7:31 am

If it's from both your money, I'd say no. A gym membership is really expensive IMO and is something to discuss together. FTR I'd looove a premium gym membership as a gift - after spending a few years at Lucille, which is "just good enough"; I'd love to have a benefactor pay for my NYSC membership - or if someone would pay for the Equinox, even better !!

If you get him a month's trial, no obligation, I think that's very nice.

shoemaker

Thu, Dec 08 2011, 9:33 am

I would find a better gift, LOL

amother

Thu, Dec 08 2011, 10:31 am

If you're asking, it means you have doubts. Generally, in SB issues, it's better to err on the side of caution. So my advice is don't do it.

ElTam

Thu, Dec 08 2011, 12:22 pm

I would be insulted.

lovemywig

Thu, Dec 08 2011, 4:03 pm

I would love to get such a gift.

MiracleMama

Thu, Dec 08 2011, 4:24 pm

I gotta say, as much as I could certainly use a gym membership and would actually enjoy a gym membership, if my dh gave it to me as a gift (vs. simply telling me, hey, if you're interested in joining a gym I think you should go ahead and splurge and do it) it would sting a little.
I say get him something different, but on a separate note, go ahead and encourage him to join if you think he will both enjoy and benefit.