Is he crazy or am I?

amother

Sat, Dec 10 2011, 8:48 pm

I'm not sure who is right in this becuase by now I'm so confused. My six year old was playing with the baby and was kissing her. He kissed her on her diaper, which freaked me out a litlte bit because I don't think that's a normal place for a kid to kiss. I said that it's inappropriate, but was very concerned about it and later mentioned how I felt to dh. He siad that he also felt alarmed but that it's my fault becuase I give too many kisses to my son. We play this game at bedtime where he asks for a thousand kisses and I kiss him on his cheek a bunch of times. I also like to hug and kiss him before he leaves for school becaues I didn't get this when I was growing up. Sometimes at bedtime I will pat his back while telling him a story or telling him that he should always remember how much mommy loves him. Is this inappropriate and wrong? I feel like one of us must be crazy becaues I don't see the correlation between loving my six year old in this way to him doing what he did.

AlwaysGrateful

Sat, Dec 10 2011, 9:28 pm

amother wrote:

What you are describing sounds totally normal. Your child was probably just kissing away and didn't notice the difference between a belly and a diaper area. I really wouldn't freak out about it. Just telling him that it's not a tznius place is enough, in my opinion. Kids are still just kids.

I agree with this, except that I wouldn't comment on it at all. You're making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

I also think that it's very important to kiss your son. I actually recently heard from a yeshivish professional who works with off the derech kids that mothers should definitely kiss their sons, that it's important,e tc.

(FTR, please don't think I'm into being "open" with my kids about everything and that's where I'm coming from. My kids don't watch tv, I'm very into talking in a very tzanua way, and I believe that tznius is important. But I just think that making a big deal over this will backfire.)

amother

Sun, Dec 11 2011, 12:05 am

tikva18 wrote:

agreed - your six yr old ds was not doing anything inappropriate - he probably didn't realize. As for what your dh has told you, I disagree. I don't think you've done anything wrong and I don't think your ds learned anything inappropriate from it. Was your dh not kissed as a child? Sad

op here. I htink he did realize what he was doing because he sort of pulled her legs apart to kiss her there. But the idea of this thread was more regarding what my husbnad said than what my son did. He told me many times that it's wrong to kiss and hug my son so much.

tikva18

Sun, Dec 11 2011, 11:14 am

amother wrote:

tikva18 wrote:

Your ds still probably meant nothing by it. However, your dh - does he complain about you kissing your dd? I can tell you that I kiss all of my kids - as much and as often as I can get away with - lol. I think I've kissed my oldest ds maybe twice in the past year (he doesn't live at home and has no desire to be kissed by me, but will sometimes put up with it (turning 16, im yirtze Hashem in a little less than a month), my next ds also doesn't like being kissed Sad

, but the next two boys - well I kiss them as often as I can Very Happy

(the 10 yr old less than the 6 yr old). (I'm just talking about boys here)

I think kissing your children is something that naturally diminishes over time - and what you are doing is fine and normal.

My question again, is how was your dh raised? did they show affection in his household? what makes him think it isn't okay? My dh also kisses the kids - although less often than I. He also tickles them and lets them sit on his shoulders.

amother

Sun, Dec 11 2011, 3:13 pm

tikva18 wrote:

amother wrote:

tikva18 wrote:

, but the next two boys - well I kiss them as often as I can Very Happy

His parents are warm people but not very kissing. I'm so surprised by his view that I think he's crazy for thinking this way.