Lending/Borrowing kids clothing items

amother

Wed, Dec 28 2011, 7:26 am

I have a number of children, both genders, and I always keep their clothing items to pass down to the next one so I don't have to buy new. However, I have no problem lending out things when people ask for them, on the (perhaps faulty) assumption that they won't be misused and I will get it back in as close to the same condition as possible, although of course I expect a little extra wear. I have lent out numerous minimal use children items, such as snow boots, slips, fancy dresses, hats, ties, etc. and never had much of an issue.

Two years ago, someone asked to borrow a pair of snow boots for their child and I gladly lent them, and then just now, the mother drops of the boots without a word. The condition of the boots are now unwearable. They are falling apart and are completely worn out and shoddy looking. Apparently, the child wore them every day of the winter (not just snow days, it doesn't snow more than a few times a year here) for two years!

I was irritated enough that I didn't want to just let it go, so I casually mentioned to the person that she didn't really need to give me the boots back since I'm just going to chuck them in the clothing bin, and she answered very defensively, "What, they're so bad your kids can't just wear them for snow boots?" I felt like answering back, "If only your kid had just worn them for snow boots, then we wouldn't be having this conversation." but instead I just answered, "No, they're really falling apart." So she said "Well, I had no idea what condition they were in, I just gave them back to you because they're yours." She was being so defensive that I just let it go and said "Well, I don't have to worry about it for a few years anyway." (since my next child of that gender won't be that size for a few years). Then she said, again in an irritated, defensive tone, "So, I'll pay for new ones!" and I just told her that we'll worry about it later. She's obviously very annoyed at me now.

I feel bad that I said something to her (I don't want to seem petty), but I cannot understand that attitude! Is it normal to "borrow" an item, use it in that way, and then return them in that condition, with no acknowledgment at all? What's the normal etiquette?

In the kitchen

Wed, Dec 28 2011, 8:22 am

NO it is not normal. Since you had an agreement that you want the item to be returned to you the borrower should take better care of it. If they are going to wear something down to pieces they really should have bought their own either new or second hand or found one that someone is giving away not just lending.

I don't think you can do anything about it now though.

Ima'la

Wed, Dec 28 2011, 8:49 am

Sometimes people go on the offensive when they feel defensive because they know they did something wrong. If you want, you can ask her to pay for it when the time comes, or you could choose to just drop it.

33055

Wed, Dec 28 2011, 9:33 am

Since you told her you would worry about it later, when the time comes I would have her buy new boots for your child. She did not respect you. She is making you feel bad even for lending them in the first place.

Obviously, I would never lend again. I am very easy about things I lend except in cases like this woman here. I don't like her attitude.

invisiblecircus

Wed, Dec 28 2011, 9:41 am

I agree with Ima'la, it sounds as if she was getting defensive because she realised the boots were not in good condition.

Like in The Kitchen said, the boots should not have been used every day if she knew she would be returning them again but I would not be surprised if she didn't realise until the last moment how bad they were since wear and tear happens gradually.

Personally, I would not ask her to pay for the boots but I wouldn't lend to her again either. I would also be reluctant to lend out shoes to anyone unless it was a pair of shoes that went with an outfit that was being lent out for one simcha only.

Marion

Wed, Dec 28 2011, 11:07 am

I lend out and yeah, if I got something back in the condition you describe I'd be pretty turned off. Occasionally I get back the wrong item, but I've never had to do more than mention it and the borrower figures out where she made the switch and corrects it. And always with an apology.

Simple1

Wed, Dec 28 2011, 11:31 am

Clothing is a very bad thing to lend/borrow unless it's needed for one time (ex borrowing a specific color top for performance, or something for a simcha) Clothing - especially shoes - just goes through a lot of wear and tear.

On the other hand, it's nice to give things that will otherwise take up space in the closet for a few years, if it might be helpful to a family who can't afford a full wardrobe. But that would be without the expectation to get it back.

amother

Wed, Dec 28 2011, 11:59 am

I do not lend out anything I would care about if it ended up being destroyed.
A one time use maybe (outfit for wedding or purim costume that I know will only be worn once and returned right away).
I don't care if this makes me mean but clothing are expensive and I'm worried enough about the fact my ds wore through all his pants of the size he is in now and now I will have to buy a new pants wardrobe for my younger one so I don't need to worry about anyone else's kids messing up my stuff.
Op, you just can't expect others to take care of your stuff like you do. Some people are nice and will, but you are taking a risk.

chocolate moose

Wed, Dec 28 2011, 6:53 pm

Only lend out stuff that you don't mind never getting back, including money.

ElTam

Thu, Dec 29 2011, 9:35 am

On kids clothing, I don't lend, I give. If I think I will need it again, I hold onto it. Kids are just too rough on clothing.

I do lend baby equipment because it's sturdier and is used for a short time (swing, bouncy seat, Snap N Go, etc.)

Pickle Lady

Thu, Dec 29 2011, 10:37 am

I have a policy of not borrowing items for my children. I have 6 kids and 5 of them are boys. They are rough on their stuff which is normal. Don't lend anything out especially an item that will be used by children that you don't mind not getting back in perfect condition. Remember a kid is using it. Food can spill on clothing and toys break and shoes can get beat up even in one day by a kid.