was this facebook status rude of my friend?

amother

Sun, Jan 08 2012, 12:35 pm

I am only asking because when I saw this, I thought it was very rude, and I am wondering whether it was only me who would have had this reaction.

my friend is having a birthday party for her son who is turning one. she knows I cannot go as we live too far away and we cannot make this date anyway. we only just reconnected as friends after years of being at different schools/universities etc.

she is the "highly - strung" type, trying to express politely. She put a status up saying "just a reminder that the RSVP's for Jacob's birthday are due by Friday - and I still haven't heard back from most of you - can you please get organised and let me know?!"

I thought this was quite rude. The guests still had four days until the deadline - I believe she should have waited until the deadline, then started phoning people who had not responded. I wouldn't put up a status like this unless it was after the cut off date and I wanted to send a polite 'bulk reminder'.....what do you think?

amother

Sun, Jan 08 2012, 1:14 pm

I think the part "please get organised" is rude. who is she a teacher?
I think she's just very absorbed in the planning of the party for her son, which is understandable, but she has to have some perspective that to others, it is really not as important as it is to her, and others have jobs, families, errands and all kinds of other things going on in their lives.

but I don't think she meant it intentionally however, she was just not thinking. let it go

black sheep

Sun, Jan 08 2012, 1:23 pm

that post made me laugh, because she could very well be a friend of mine. yes, it was rude, you don't tell adults to "get organized" and RSVP. I am very bad in dealing with my similar friend, and I would respond, I'd love to come but I'm just way too disorganized. but I am not advising you to do this, even though it would feel great, because it is just being rude back. (a part of me wants you to do it anyway.) she does sound high-strung. remind yourself it is not you, it's her, and ignore the rude part of the statement. just politely click on "no" by "will you attend." if she pushes it, resist the urge again to say "I'm just not organized enough" and tell her you had another thing already scheduled that day.

amother

Sun, Jan 08 2012, 2:41 pm

Maybe the wording comes off a bit rude, but I dont see what the issue is. She is planning a party/event, when doing something like this its important to keep in mind how many people will show up in advance rather than a day before the deadline, so that she can run like crazy buying extra food. I think its more rude of people to not reply to her invite, if your not coming let her know, if you are coming let her know also. This way she can plan accordingly. Just because the event is not important to others, they can take into consideration that it might be important to her and be nice enough to reply because they care about how she feels and what it means to her. It doesnt take much time to reply to an invite. So no I dont think it was rude, sounds more like it was a frustrated status more than anything.

persephonefalls

Thu, Feb 02 2012, 9:55 am

Why do you think the status update was aimed at you personally? There are probably plenty of people she invited who have not yet responded, many of whom probably will be attending the party.

I don't think the status update was the nicest way of saying things, but I totally get the annoyance of sending out invites, and then not hearing back from anyone. Especially because most of the time, people don't need many days to figure out if they can come, they just need to sit down for five minutes and think about their schedule.

I think you're taking offense unnecessarily.

ChossidMom

Thu, Feb 02 2012, 10:09 am

persephonefalls wrote:

So do I.

And, frankly, how can anyone take anyone's Facebook status to heart (for crying out loud)? Maybe it's just me. I cannot relate. Scratching Head

amother

Thu, Feb 02 2012, 11:33 am

amother wrote:

(1) It very clearly was not aimed at you. Unless you are the only one invited (in which case her status would be rude), you are not "most of you."

(2) The fact that there are 4 days left in which to respond doesn't mean that everyone should wait. She wants to start planning. I assume that you had a wedding. Can you imagine if MOST of the guests still hadn't responded 4 days before the deadline?

(3) Its silly to suggest she should just call after the deadline instead of using Facebook to remind of the deadline. She has a one year-old to take care of; she's probably quite busy. And in any case, the deadline is the deadline. Adults respect that. And should be appreciative of the reminder of the deadline.

(4) I took the "get your act together" as casual, irreverent humor, not rudeness. It could be misinterpreted.

All in all, and with all due respect, if you're going to take offense at things like this, life is likely to be filled with offense. Lighten up.

eatingbagels

Thu, Feb 02 2012, 11:48 am

ChossidMom wrote:

persephonefalls wrote:

So do I.

And, frankly, how can anyone take anyone's Facebook status to heart (for crying out loud)? Maybe it's just me. I cannot relate. Scratching Head

Agree. And it's really really simple to click Not Attending on a facebook invite. If you already knew you weren't going, there's no reason not to click that. You can add a brief message on the event saying, sorry, you'd love to come, but won't be able to make it. It's probably more inconvenient for her to find out at the last second, than it is for an invitee to click attending/not attending.