tired of shouting + not getting through!Need incentive ideas

amother

Fri, Feb 03 2012, 2:29 am

I have 4 kids and on the whole they are pretty good but they have been fighting with each other like crazy and I don't know what to do!!!! I have tried star charts where they earn money, I have shouted embarrassed

and even lost my temper this morning and gave them a good hiding shock

which I don't think helped the situation Confused

Anyone have good incentive or punishments that may help, the main culprits are aged 9.5 and 7.5 and are both boys. Also any tips on how to get them to listen without shouting?

I hate myself when I shout but I land up shouting almost daily - Between my work (which financially I have to do) the kids, housework, homework and liftschemes I find myself continuosly on edge! I do try talk nicely but by the 3rd time of asking nicely and them not listening I just can't!

BeershevaBubby

Fri, Feb 03 2012, 2:56 am

I think if you treat them as active participants, rather than 'captive labor', it might help.

Your issues are not unique. I think ALL of us have gone through this at some point or other and some of us still are.

One of the things I found help was calling family meetings and discussing things. Instead of laying down the law, give them options. Everyone has responsibilities but if you let them choose, it may go easier.

Make a list of chores. The older one gets to pick ONE thing first because he's the oldest and that's his privilege. Then the younger gets to pick the next TWO, so it evens out, by having the older one pick his second chore second. Don't overload them. I think assigning them each three things is a good start.

Another thing I found helped was not giving my older girls chores that would put them in the same room at the same time, or first have one clean her side of the room and then the other would clean her side of the room once the first was done. Having them together just made everything worse.

amother

Fri, Feb 03 2012, 4:06 am

OP here

Thanks Smile

I like the idea of a family meeting and giving them options if they choose when the consequence they chose is given they can't really com[plain as they chose it Smile

Think I may implement the chores as well Smile

Really appreciate the advice Very Happy