:P How would you react to such a comment???????

amother

Mon, Mar 05 2012, 4:10 pm

My Mom shlepped me to a relatives Simcha yesterday. She had the time of her life introducing me to all long lost relatives... I had no problem until one relative I never met, (I did hear about her though) came over to my mom and wanted to know who I was. Mom said-That's my daughter! and then that Women was like- She's soo pretty Keh! Real Beautiful, she looks just like.... (Notice she didnt speak to me, just to my mom)

I was standing there blushing like I've never blushed before... what was I supposed to say? I'm trying to think what would've been the ideal way to respond. Anyone????

amother

Mon, Mar 05 2012, 4:24 pm

amother wrote:

I don't see the problem, just smile and say thank you. People overthink things....did this bother you or something?

OP Here.

Yes, I did feel somewhat offended. what did she think I am? A Five year old? I'm a mature adult married for a couple of years with a baby, I'm not an attention Hungry Teenager.. the way she made me feel.

and besides- My loooks are average, Believe me- I wouldn't take your breath away.....

HindaRochel

Mon, Mar 05 2012, 5:07 pm

amother wrote:

Thank you. It really doesn't seem like that big of a deal, she was complimenting your mother through you. No matter how old you are a mom still likes to hear her child has been complimented.

amother

Mon, Mar 05 2012, 5:09 pm

amother wrote:

Are you my mother??? She just told me this today, too!!!

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Mar 05 2012, 5:19 pm

Eh. In old fashioned circles, she did a normal thing. She treated you as your mother's fine production, not as an enfranchised, sovereign being in your own right. Well, that's the old-world take, and attitude. It's patriarchal. Authoritarian, or authoritative. She meant well. She was being polite. Relax; you are, in fact, your mother's fine production. Your blushing silence was entirely appropriate. In old world culture, you don't talk to people's children without very specific permission, an introduction. It's not considered a right to do that. It's not considered discreet. In fact, it isn't. She was absolutely right.

If you had been there alone, she would have treated you like a grown, sovereign woman. But you were with your mother, so she had to treat you like your mother's daughter. And, saying you were pretty is the only permissible thing to say. She had to say something, to acknowledge your existence. She couldn't say, how tall! how strong! how smart! Some are more deft at this than others. I would have said such a fine daughter, such a charming daughter, such a charming family. Quickly and softly, with a respectful brief smile in your direction, less hoo-ha. Maybe you really did resemble so and so. She's putting you into the family with this resemblance, it's a reach-out.

Your sovereignty was not damaged. It's stuck on far too tightly to be damaged by a tiny cultural misunderstanding like this.

She was a little bumptious and loud, but that's probably the effect of age: less hearing, less seeing, less social subtlety, and, she may not be operating in her first language or first country. No biggie.

I honor your good manners in saying nothing. Any annoyance would have entirely mystified her, and, would have pretty seriously humiliated your mother. Good for you. You didn't get it, but you didn't let on. Good for you.

You will have cookies in Shemayim for letting your mom shlep you to a simcha and show you off, when there wasn't much in it for you. That you know of. Yet. You got her up in the night when little, and she deserves some nachas. May your own kids bring you much nachas to reward you for this kibbud av.

Strawberry2

Tue, Mar 06 2012, 6:05 am

HindaRochel wrote:

amother wrote:

Thank you. It really doesn't seem like that big of a deal, she was complimenting your mother through you. No matter how old you are a mom still likes to hear her child has been complimented.

imaima

Thu, Mar 08 2012, 4:17 pm

amother wrote:

I don't see the problem, just smile and say thank you. People overthink things....did this bother you or something?

I agree, it feels weird when someone is talking about you when you are right there, as if you were an object or a baby. I don't know what I would have said, but I might say anything to make her realize I were a person too.