Sheva Brachot - who to invite?

amother

Thu, Dec 15 2011, 6:30 am

I have a dilemma. We are 5 couples making sheva brachot for the daughter of a friend. Should the mother and/or the bride tell us who should be invited? The same group of friends has made sheva brachot several times in the past - for our various children - and we have never invited the parents of the other side and all the siblings. In fact, this particular mother of the bride has always been the most vocal about NOT inviting the other side or all the siblings.

Both bride and groom have many siblings - should I feel obliged to invite them all?

amother

Thu, Dec 15 2011, 7:34 am

OP here...

what about if the bride says that she wants all her siblings and her new parents in law and all the grandparents there????

Marion

Thu, Dec 15 2011, 7:42 am

No. First of all, that's way too many people. When we make 7 brachot (and when people were making for us) we make sure we have a minyan (plus 1) and at least 2 "panim chadashot". Covers all the bases, and with the chattan & kallah that's already 20-25 people!

In my circles lots of people make joint family 7 brachot on Shabbat. And consider the family...how many nights in a row do they already have to attend 7 brachot? Last time a sibling-in-law got married we had the night of the wedding (Sunday), Monday, Thursday, and all of Shabbat! It was too much...I can't believe how much we spent on babysitting that week (kids were not invited, except to the wedding and Shabbat).

If it's so important to the bride she'll ask each of her hostesses to do it; but it's OK to tell her you just can't.

amother

Sun, Apr 29 2012, 12:56 am

What happens when an aunt and uncle make sheva brochos - do you have to invite the other side parents and siblings?

OOTBubby

Sun, Apr 29 2012, 12:26 pm

I've married off 12 children and in all cases no matter who made the sheva brachos, both sets of parents were invited to all of them. Not necessarily the siblings, but certainly the parents (and even the grandparents).

sbs

Sun, Apr 29 2012, 1:17 pm

I've made many sheva brachos with others for siblings and siblings in laws,
we always invited the other side parents and grandparents depending on whether it was local, or whether they were mobile enough to get out and come...
we didn't always invite siblings of the other side, especially when it was a younger child and there were lots of married siblings, we simply didn't have room, and people understand that cuz it was in a house, not catered.

amother

Black

Sun, Apr 29 2012, 1:25 pm

Invite both sets of parents to the dinner. You dont need to invite all the siblings but you could invite them just for dessert.

Last edited by amother on Sat, Mar 19 2016, 11:56 pm; edited 2 times in total

nyer1

Sun, Apr 29 2012, 2:28 pm

I think the parents of both sides should definitely be invited, IMO. I just got married and I really appreciated that my chosson's side who did most of our sheva brachos was thoughtful to ask me which friends and which family members I wanted. explain to the chosson and kallah something like this... "I have room for X number of people for u to choose to invite.. please let me know who should be there." its nice that u are offering, but be sensitive to their needs to. someone above wrote, "its your party..."... NO, it's not. its for the chosson and kallah, actually.....

chocolate moose

Sun, Apr 29 2012, 2:47 pm

That was not someone, that was ME.

Actually, it IS the party of the host and hostess. It HONORS the chosson and kallah, but it is not THEIR party.

Remember that the most prized guest is the Panim Chadash. Not the parents or siblings or the cleaning lady.

Mommy3.5

Sun, Apr 29 2012, 8:02 pm

I think it is the height of rudeness not to invite the chatan/kallahs parents. I would skip siblings, but parents is just rude.

boysrus

Mon, Apr 30 2012, 12:20 am

I agree that you should invite both chosson and kallahs parents. siblings not necessarily, but if you have room then you probably should
oh no, Marion, I see that I have the same avatar as you, I just chose it last week adn did not realize that you had it first. is that too confusing, should I change it/? not sure I f I could figure out how to change it btw,it took me long enough to figure out how to make it mine in th first place, lol!

Isramom8

Mon, Apr 30 2012, 12:58 am

The hosts are definitely allowed to choose a few of their own guests. If couples are hosting, I think both sets of parents should be invited, but if the chosson or kallah's friends are hosting, it can be minus the parents. Siblings optional, but use seichel so as not to offend.

chocolate chips

Mon, Apr 30 2012, 2:23 pm

Both sets of parents for sure but not siblings. They could take up your entire party leaving no room for close friends.

chocolate chips

Sun, May 06 2012, 9:16 pm

amother wrote:

Would you still invite the parents if you don't like them?

Yes.
Its parents. They are officially the baalei simcha.