My 11 year old DD can't sleep in same room as others

amother

Wed, Jun 06 2012, 6:29 am

My very well adjusted, mature 11 year old DD cannot sleep in the same room as other people (the exception being me). Every time she tries she ends up coming out of the room in tears and only calms down when she gets her own room, where she will then go to sleep without a problem. She can't really tell me what the problem is except that she complains that everybody breathes too loudly (ear plugs don't help either). She almost has an anxiety attack at the mere thought of having to share a room. As you can imagine this is quite limiting for us and also discouraging to her, she would love to be able to share a room.
Sleepwise she has had some issues falling asleep but takes a very small dose of Melatonin now and it has worked like a charm.
She's only had one sleepover (which wasn't the start of these problems, but she was so exhausted that she just conked out that time) and I don't think that anything happened there.
Any ideas?
Thank you

mummiedearest

Wed, Jun 06 2012, 6:37 am

well, anxiety attacks are not standard in well-adjusted kids. she is too old to be sleeping in the same room as you. I suppose it's ok if she has her own room at home, but this is something that should be dealt with. snoring shouldn't bother her if she has earplugs. I suggest you take her to someone who can teach her relaxation techniques or meditation so she can be comfortable sharing a room AND fall asleep sans melatonin. I'm not one to suggest therapy for everything, but I do think therapy may be in order. she probably won't need to go long term. you may not want to do this, but think of it this way: what will happen if you work around this anxiety as long as she's home? how will she handle sleeping in the same room as her husband? the sooner you deal with this, the better.

harriet

Wed, Jun 06 2012, 6:38 am

Love to hear replies! My eleven year old dd has the same issue, she claims it's because everyone "snores" and she even has difficulty with people just breathing heavily (not snoring) but definitely more issues when it's a real snorer (ie her younger brother).

She also has major issues being around someone snoring when she is awake (she goes nuts on a car trip when someone falls asleep and snores/breathes loudly, even if she is not trying to sleep). Does your daughter have this issue too? I assume it's a sensory thing and hope she'll outgrow it/find a way of dealing with it somehow. Ear plugs have not helped although other noise (ie music) helps a bit.

If she's bombed out of her brains (sleepover, camp), she falls asleep just fine, otherwise, she falls apart!

She has requested that I buy her an ipod with ear buds or something like that to listen to when she has to sleep with someone else (she has her own room so it doesn't come up much) and I think it's a great idea and will try it soon. Would you consider that?

amother

Wed, Jun 06 2012, 6:40 am

she could just be a very sensitive sleeper. There could also be some anxiety issues at play. I have both of these things. Even when anxiety etc. is under control, I have a very hard time falling asleep with other people around. At sleepovers, I was always one of the first to get tired, but was almost always the last one to fall asleep.

Can you get a sense from her if this is purely a noise thing, or if there may be some anxiety as well?

amother

Wed, Jun 06 2012, 6:50 am

OP here
Thank you so much for your replies. She doesn't normally sleep with me ,only under under special circumstances, hotelroom etc.
I definitely think you're right with the anxiety thing, this also seems to be the problem with her original sleeping problem (gets nervous about not being able to fall asleep).
My husband also had some of these issues as a child, went to a psychologist who taught him relaxation techniques, probably this is also the way to go with her.
I'm not sure if it's a sensory thing otherwise noise doesn't seem to bother her.
Thanks again, you just recomfirmed what I was considering in the first place.

mummiedearest

Wed, Jun 06 2012, 7:53 pm

amother wrote:

btw, I had insomnia for a few years, and someone tried to teach me relaxation techniques. I thought they were ridiculous and refused to take them seriously. if your husband could try what he learned with your daughter, she may be more willing to try. the one I was taught was the following:

lie in bed in a dark, silent room. close your eyes and concentrate on each part of your body. start with your toes. tell yourself your toes are falling asleep. repeat this a few times, then move on to your legs, knees, etc. spend a few moments on each body part, moving from your toes to the top of your head.

I don't know if this helps, but it's worth a shot. what helped me eventually was ambien. I was put on it for a week to get my body used to sleeping again. I definitely experienced anxiety about not sleeping, and it took its toll. does your daughter sleep well in her own room, or just better than when sharing? also, if she's lying in bed awake for too long, she should actually get up and do something and try again later. this prevents the anxiety from getting too strong. if she chooses to read a book to take a break, tell her not to do it in bed.