Children's birthday party during 3weeks/9days

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 2:13 pm

What do you do when your child's birthday falls within 3 weeks? DC who will be 10 will be the only one in the class if we can't do a birthday party. Waiting till after 3 weeks is not really an option as the school breaks by then and most families go away for holidays. Would you accept if your child gets an invitation for a classmate's birthday party during 3 weeks? Of course no music, no swimming, just some activities and nosh with birthday cake, maybe happy birthday song.

The actual birthday falls during 9 days. We usually do small get together just with families. Would you do that? DH asked Rav but the answer wasn't conclusive, he was told it isn't ossur but recommended to postpone. Grandparents going away right after 9 Av so we wanted to do something before that.

chocolate moose

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 7:20 am

what about someting on shabbos, to avoid shaylas ?

shalhevet

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 7:35 am

For a 10 year old, I think they are old enough to understand and I wouldn't let them go. I would let a little child go.

So do it before the 3 weeks, or chocolate mousse's good suggestion for a Shabbat other than Tisha B'Av itself (which comes out this year).

Shuly

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 7:45 am

We do the party before the 3 weeks or after the 9 days. In your situation, I would do it before. You can explain to your DC that because their birthday is during the 3 weeks, you are making their party beforehand. I've never seen any child upset about having their birthday party earlier!

RachelEve14

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 8:43 am

I agree it's not even Rosh Chodesh yet, I would plan the party for before.

lech lecha08

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 9:14 am

My daughter is only 4 but last year we did a small party on Shabbos afternoon

Rubber Ducky

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 9:20 am

Dear foster son has a Tisha b'Av birthday. This year we're planning a birthday party before the 3 weeks, just before his day camp begins.

morah

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 9:39 am

3 weeks would be ok for me as long as there is no music, 9 days definitely not. I got married on 15 Tammuz, so most of the sheva brachos were during the 3 weeks (one of which was a break-fast event). We couldn't have any music, and they were somewhat subdued as sb's go, but we still had them. AYLOR, but the only 3 weeks restriction that would affect things is the music. Maybe hold it earlier so that the dads are not too scruffy yet. But 9 days, there is so much more, and even if you found a way around it, it would not be in the spirit of things.

RachelEve14

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 10:17 am

Thinking about it, I think if the child's actual birthday was before Rosh Chodesh Av I might do a small party (no music, etc) on the birthday (would check what my rav thought). If the birthday was during the 9 days, I would do it after. If the birthday was actually 17 Tammuz I would do it before. Just thinking about it, not relavant in our family at this moment.

shalhevet

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 10:22 am

morah wrote:

A SB is a seudas mitzva. A birthday party is not, so I don't think you can learn from one to the other.

RachelEve14

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 10:26 am

Oooh, good point back to Shal. I think the safest is just to do it before. I know a lot of people are makpid to do something on the exact day. I think it also depends if he wants to invite a few friends over for some nash and cake or do a whole blown out even with presents, games, etc. I think I would do the first but not the second, and only on the actual birthday.

morah

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 10:29 am

shalhevet wrote:

morah wrote:

A SB is a seudas mitzva. A birthday party is not, so I don't think you can learn from one to the other.

You're right that they don't really match up, but the point is, it's possible to make a celebration in keeping with the three weeks, whereas you really can't with the 9 days. Obviously ask the Rav. Look, you can do it during the 9 days if you make a siyum (though the whole planning a siyum for during the 9 days thing rather contrived). Even 9 days is not so pashut, because for sefardim, it doesn't exist, it's just shavua shechal bo (granted, the way it works this year, that is effectively the whole 9 days). She can avoid the controversy altogether by making it before the 3 weeks, but if that's not possible, there is MUCH more wiggle room to make it work.

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