Thank-you notes | Imamother

Crayon210

Thu, Feb 23 2006, 9:03 pm

When I get a thank you note, it says the same thing as the last one, the one before it, and the next one I'll get.

There are plenty of people who didn't write me thank you notes because people ARE busy after weddings (at least I was), and don't have the time to sit down and thank everyone 500 times. I didn't think twice about it. I don't feel any less appreciated by them than by the people who dashed off a stupid note that sounds just like the ones I sent, no toichen, nothing.

I believe it's a waste of time. So someone disagrees. Okay. That's fine. I don't think you're any of the things you called me in earlier posts.

chen

Thu, Feb 23 2006, 10:39 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

don't have the time to sit down and thank everyone 500 times. .

no, they only have to thank each person once, not 500 times. if it's too much trouble to thank 500 people for their gifts, may I respectfully suggest you send the word out that in lieu of gifts to you, people who wish to express their joy in your simcha in a material way should send contributions to Hatzolah, Shaarei Zedek Hospital, Zaka, Meir Panim soup kitchens, Ohel Children's Home, Magen david Adom, Jewish heritage for the Blind, Keren Or, General Israel orphan Home for Girls, Boys Town jerusalem, GET, Lemaan bnos yisroel, the puah institute, Diskin Orphan Home, United Charities of jerusalem, Kupat hair, Keren Zichron Boaz, Metropolitan Council on Jewish Poverty, HASC, HIDEC, Chai Lifeline, Noam Shabbos, Ezer Mizion, Oorah, Yad batya L'Kallah, Jewish Braille Institute* or any of thousands of other gmachs and tzedakas all over the world.

The tzedakas will not find it too much of a bother to write thank-you notes.

*legal disclaimer: nothing here is to be taken as an endorsement or recommendation of any organization

Marion

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 2:04 am

My parents had a rule that applied for everything: you couldn't spend it, use it, or cash it until the note was written and in the mail. I've become a bit lax with that here in Israel, because it seems that no one else writes notes either. However I still try to do the ones for gifts that come from chu"l. I'm behind on the baby ones, although slowly they're getting done. (Before you bash me, not all the gifts arrived when he was born; we got most of the chu"l ones when we visited in the summer, and I'm almost done.)

TzenaRena

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 2:24 am

Marion wrote:

That's a great rule! I'll try to remember it for all future events.!

jewgal84

Thu, Nov 23 2006, 10:26 pm

After our wedding I was a bit pressured with writting the Thank-You notes, both dh and I were working full time and didn't have the extra time to sit and write over 200 thank-you notes.

Especially being that my in-laws have a Chabad House and we were sent nice gifts from their people it was almost rude not to thank the individuals.

So we...

Pre-printed them Twisted Evil

!!

Worked out really nice, we did it in a handwritting font with black ink, so all was left was to personalize the Dear ________ line!!!

I'm not saying it's something I'll practice in the futur, it was just called for at the time.

* * * * *

Don't know if this is the right place to bring it up, but what do ppl, as teachers, think of the thank-you notes that come at the end of a year with just a signed thank-you?

I know I have a handful of saved handwritten thank-you cards by parents who sincerely took the time to write them.

The others are long thrown away...

I'd prefer a handwritten note than an expensive gift with a careless thank-you!

happy2beme

Fri, Nov 24 2006, 9:53 am

Has no one ever heard of the thank u cards that u write it & the stationery store copies it on how ever many cards u want?

I did it for my wedding for the people who I didn't know- great great cousins, parents' shul friends....

It's your handwriting & it's really really hard to tell u didnt write it- all u do is match up the pen to fill in Mr & Mrs.

I think it's a chutzpah & lack of hakaras hatov when ppl dont send cards.

Everyone's lives are busy, they made time for u, u make time for them! & theirs took a lot longer to do.

by the way, when I get a card, I get a nice feeling inside. wow- they really enjoyed my gift, I think. & it's a good reminder of the baby's name.

amother

Fri, Nov 24 2006, 10:40 am

Preprinted cards are better than none. But I have to say ditto to the ones who say its a waste of time and energy and it gets thrown out anyway. Like by my wedding , most pple handed me and my dh envelopes and they were promptly thanked sincerely, I wrote thank you cards but whats the point? When I had my first most gifts were hand delivered and promptly opened , gushed over and thanks were given sincerely, why oh why do these pple need a note of copied thanx that they will promptly discard? For gifts not received personally, if it were up to me and not the way it were done I would make a 5 min phone call or email, I think it would be way more appreciated. But then again, I dont get gifts from hoards of strangers.

mimsy7420

Fri, Nov 24 2006, 10:53 am

Preprinted cards are a horrible idea.

The fact that someone took 5 minutes to thank someone for giving a gift is the whole point of a thank you card. It is not so the person who receives the thank you card can ooh and aah over it and display it for all eternity. They are most likely going to throw it out after reading it anyways. But that's not the point. It's that you took the effort to write the card that shows that you are thankful for the gift. The fact is someone went out of their way to buy you a gift. They went out of their way to take their hard earned money and write you a cheque - even if they can't really afford it.
And being a busy Kallah because you just got married is just not an excuse. You happily cashed all those cheques, or unwrapped the gifts as a Kallah. Not writing a thank you card is just plain rude. It's like a child saying Gimme Gimme Gimme with no please or thank you.

Motek

Sat, Nov 25 2006, 6:30 pm

only1 wrote:

I'd rather get a pre-printed thank you card than no card because the point is not only the effort in writing it but that they sent it altogether. This lets me know they actually received the gift if I didn't give it in person. And even if I know they received it, even a preprinted card takes some effort.

I would say though, if a bar mitzva boy is having preprinted cards made up for him, that he should do SOMETHING, address the envelopes, sign the cards.

Marion

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 3:20 am

If I'd thought of pre-printed ones, I wouldn't still be working on them 3 months after the most recent round of gifts! I would hope that people who receive pre-printed cards for baby gifts realize that even that takes effort, and that it's better than not having received one at all. Right now I FEEL rude that it's taken so long, but there's not much I can do about it.

ceo

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 8:39 pm

well, I think that this is the first time I've ever disagreed with Crayon Very Happy

. I think thank-you notes are important. I guess a call is sufficient, but who wants to call people you barely know? Even if the person only spent $7 on a stretchie at Costco for the new baby, the fact is, they took the time to pick something out, wrap it up, drop it off, etc.

I think pre-printed cards are awful. About a year ago, a relative got married. I spent a lot of time picking out TWO gifts (one for a shower, one for the actual wedding) that I thought she would appreciate. Aside from the time and $$$ I spent at bed, bath, and beyond, I also spent time at the shower, getting and paying for a sitter, then mailing the wedding present to her, etc, etc.

Then I recieved a pre-printed card:

Dear cousins,
Thank you so much for the gifts. We really appreciate them. Love, cousin and husband.

Honestly- made me feel lousy! I regretted that I put all that time and energy into picking out a gift I thought she would appreciate.

Even though crayon thinks that what she writes is stupid, it does make the giver feel good to think that you will dress your kid in that ugly outfit at some point.

We recieved a number of checks from my mom's co-workers for our wedding. I wrote things like, "Thank you so much for your generous gift, we used it towards the purchase of dishes." or something like that.

Once I gave a friend a decorative tissue box for her wedding (it was on the registry!) She wrote: "thanks so much for the tissue box, it will look great in our guest bathroom." Or, once, I contributed towards the purchase of shabbos silverware, and my friend wrote: Thanks so much for the silverware. I hope that you will join us for shabbos soon to use it with us" (or something like that).

Recently, I gave a gift to a friend who had a new baby. I told her, "You don't have to send me a thank-you note. I am sure you are overwhelmed enough as it is, so you can skip it." She looked horrified, and a few weeks later, I got a note from her!