Three times I almost died

newu

Sun, Sep 09 2012, 8:54 pm

There were three times in my life when I almost died. The first time, I was young, innocent and trusting. I didn't realize until years later how close I had come to dying. The second time in my life I was already living under the notion that my life was over when reality hit and opened my eyes to the fact that my initial belief was actually a misconception. By the third time I almost died I had resumed living; fallen back into a routine and disregard that just a while earlier I had promised myself that I would never, could never take for granted. I guess someone out there felt I needed a reminder.

I suppose many would say I should consider myself lucky. To have had so many “near misses” and come through alive and well. Yet looking back, I can't help but think back to those times and wonder, I'm still here but what why? What have I accomplished? I find it hard that at 37 years old I feel like I'm still trying to figure out who I am, who I want to be. As Rosh Hashana approaches I find myself searching for a way to make this year matter. After all, the third time I almost died was this past year and when- maybe because of where I am in life I felt it most acutely. And this time, I don't want to forget. I want to remember and keep remembering that this life that I am living is truly a gift that I've been given and am given again and again every single morning that I wake up.

I think back to the 17 year old me. Life was good and not too complicated, all things considered. I had good friends, parents who cared about me and took care of my needs and most of my wants at least as best as they were able to. I never truly felt that I was lacking. The world was a pretty trusting and safe place to be. Then one day I found out that a 16 year old friend of mine had been hit by a car. He was thrown a few feet into the air and died soon after. No matter how or when death touches someone close to us, we are forced to grow up just a tiny bit faster than expected. I can still remember, the funeral- packed with people of all ages; relatives, friends, classmates, neighbors. So many people whose lives were affected by this 16 year old boy.

A few months later, me being the trusting, naive and determined teenager that I was decided that I would make the trek to the cemetery for a private visit with my friend A. I managed to get hold of the bus schedule and told just 1 friend where I was headed. It was a school day and I was pretty confident that I had thought things through (at least as well as a sheltered 17 year old possibly could). I mentally tried to prepare myself for both the journey and the encounter. I don't think that I had ever been to a cemetery before. The ride there was easy enough. A little longer that I had expected but it was getting me to where I wanted to go. Once there, the bus let me off on what I can only describe as acres of green as far as the eye could see. And it was deserted. I hadn't really considered that. No biggy. There had to be an office somewhere, someone who could direct me to the plot of my friend A.

After wandering for quite some time, I did find one person after all. I surmised that he worked at the cemetery when I saw him digging nearby. He pleasantly directed me to where I had to go. Glad to finally have directions, I walked for what felt like miles until I finally reached my destination. Weary and exhausted for all of the unexpected walking that I had to do, I was glad to finally stop. Looking back I don't really remember exactly what I said or what I did, but A was surely watching over me that day. As I started my walk back to the bus stop the friendly (cute and young ) caretaker came over to chat with me. I'm sure that I had been warned numerous times about talking to strangers, but I wasn't a kid anymore and I could take care of myself. After talking (OK maybe flirting with him a bit-after all he was cute) he asked me where I was from. When I told him, imagine my surprise when he told me he lived right near me and was actually headed that way in a just a bit. OK, so there was a tiny part of me that found it hard to believe that this one person in the middle of nowhere just happened to live near me and would be going in that direction in just a few minutes. But when he mentioned the name of some streets nearby, it just confirmed for me that he was telling the truth. After all how could he possibly know the names of those streets if he really wasn't from the neighborhood. The very thought of the long, long walk back to the bus stop was daunting and a ride home in a car was quite appealing to me. I don't think my young brain registered a single reason not to get in the car. Once in the car with him, I noticed that he seemed to be headed back in a different direction than I expected. He told me that he had to stop off at his fathers office. (As I'm writing this and remembering...I think about how little I truly knew about the evils that people are capable of. I guess at that age I was still blissfully unaware of how horribly this story could have turned out). He stopped the car at one point and went into a small office building. I remember he came out cursing and apparently upset about whatever transpired between him and his father. At that point I realized maybe I should have been more careful and not gotten into this car with a stranger after all. He had started driving again and at this point and I had no plans of jumping out of the car. But by now I was a bit fearful and not so much in a flirting mood. The ride in the car was certainly shorter than the bus ride would have been, but I had enough time to at least consider my actions somewhat, and as we finally arrived in Brooklyn, I had enough sense to tell him to drop me off a few blocks away from my home. Instinct was telling me not to give him my home address. Miraculously, I made it home in one piece.

Looking back, I realize how very many things could have gone wrong that day. Only one person knew where I was going. The place was deserted for miles. The one person that I got into a car with actually worked in a cemetery burying people for a living. Like I said, so many things could have gone wrong that day. But instead they went right. I really truly believe that A was watching over me and that for some reason I was given this second chance at life. It wasn't until I awhile later that I was casually telling a close and older friend of mine about my day that I realized how truly lucky I was to be alive. I will never forget that look of disbelief of on her face and the questions that came after. It was only then that I was able to look back on my day with a new eye and understand how truly lucky I was.

To be continued...