Letter for a student who lost his mother

french mummy

Thu, Jan 24 2013, 8:44 am

One of my student lost is mother . I want to write him a letter. I dont really know where to start ???????????
Any ideas?
Thanks

the world's best mom

Thu, Jan 24 2013, 10:16 am

How old is the student? A letter to a high schooler would sound very different from a letter to a second grader.

justcallmeima

Thu, Jan 24 2013, 10:17 am

I would speak to someone who has been through it, ie an adult who lost their mother as a child. Ask them what would they have liked to have heard from their teacher or any caring adult. Other than that, I would say "dvarim hayotzim min halev nichnasim el halev". Ask Hashem for guidance and just write what comes from your heart.

AlwaysThinking

Thu, Jan 24 2013, 10:20 am

I would say keep it polite, kind and short. In fact, I would probably write to the family as a whole, not just to him. Maybe giving him a small edible gift with a short attached message.

You are always going to be his teacher and expressing your condolences should be done in a warm yet still formal way so as not to cross boundaries. You don't want to look like you're trying to step in and offer support in place of his mother.... he'll be very vulnerable.

Try to treat him like the other children, don't make him feel like a special case, but when his homework wasn't so good or something, just be more understanding and encouraging.

ElTam

Thu, Jan 24 2013, 9:54 pm

I can offer one don't. Please don't try to offer a "reason" or "explanation" for his mother's death.

You sound like a very caring teacher.

anon for this

Thu, Jan 24 2013, 10:22 pm

Another "don't": Don't write "I know how you feel". One of my dd's teachers told her this. Because this teacher's parents are both b"h alive and healthy, this attempt to express sympathy only convinced my daughter that her teacher was clueless.

mother of boyz

Thu, Jan 24 2013, 11:30 pm

justcallmeima wrote:

This. Exactly what comes from your heart. As a child that lost her mother under the age of a year and having gone through preschool, elementary school and high school with the teachers principals and staff all 'oblivious',,,, clueless as to the hell and pain their student went through silently all I can say is I wish I had had one teacher like you!

groisamomma

Thu, Jan 24 2013, 11:42 pm

octopus wrote:

is it really appropriate to write a letter?

Yes, it certainly is. I've unfortunately had students sit shiva while I taught them and I know they treasure things like this.

french mummy

Fri, Jan 25 2013, 4:56 am

He is 9 years old and whilst his mother was unwell , we spoke a lot together about his fears. I just want him to know that I went through the same thing ( I was 18) and want him to know that I am available to talk should he feel he needs to

Liba

Fri, Jan 25 2013, 6:51 am

I still have the letters I received when my father died, including the ones from my teachers and principal.

Just that fact that they sent cards/notes meant a lot to me.

anon for this

Fri, Jan 25 2013, 8:34 am

french mummy wrote:

That's very thoughtful of you. I do think he would appreciate a letter. But I would be careful of writing that you went through "the same thing", since a young child experiences a parent's death differently than a young adult. Also, in any case, every person experiences bereavement differently. It might be best to write something like, "I also lost a parent, so I understand a little bit of what you might be feeling".