At what age is correct to tell dd bout periods and how?

ElTam

Mon, Jun 03 2013, 12:14 pm

OP, thanks for asking this question. It is something I am thinking about also with my oldest. And thanks for the mothers who recommended the Wonder of Becoming You book. It sounds really helpful.

pesek zman

Mon, Jun 03 2013, 12:17 pm

ElTam wrote:

Quote:

No wonder your dd is sensitive and makes a big deal of everything. You are making a big deal of it. A kalla teacher to teach about periods?
Tell her nonchalantly, don't make a big deal of it, and neither will she.

Dear cowardly amother. Maybe you should make a bigger deal out of ona'as devarim, that and being a Sneaky Sneakerstein. If you had stuck with your last sentence, it might have been a helpful post, although overly broad, since you don't know the OP's daughter and you haven't the first clue of how she reacts to anything. But whatevs. You got nine likes already for being snarky and unhelpful. Gosh, that must feel good.

Huge DISAGREE! In think this response was spot on AND helpful! I think her 'likes' (including mine) were genuine since she gave great advice.

Isramom8

Mon, Jun 03 2013, 12:19 pm

With each of my daughters, some time before their bat mitzvah I read The Wonder of Becoming You with her. We took turns reading out loud and discussing anything that wasn't clear. Then each girl kept her own copy of the book.

If your daughter is developing and might reach puberty soon, you should do this now.

My kids' school brought a kallah teacher to speak to 6th, 7th and 8th graders about puberty. Her lesson followed The Wonder of Becoming You.

You should also buy your daughter deodorant, bras and pads to keep in her closet for when the time comes.

sequoia

Mon, Jun 03 2013, 12:25 pm

amother wrote:

I'm so nervous to tell her. Not sure how to do it, not sure she's mature enough to understand. She'll bombard me with tons of questions. Are there licensed ladies who do this (like Kalla teachers)?

Of course she will ask you questions! That's what children do -- they ask their parents questions. You make it sound like a bad thing.

It doesn't matter if she's "mature" enough to understand or not. Her body won't wait. You must tell her before she gets her period, obviously. These days, because of hormones in milk or whatever, girls are reaching puberty earlier and earlier. So you have to tell her all about it.

My mother told me when I was ten, when we were on vacation, in a calm environment. It was not a big deal. I got my period two years later, no drama. But a school friend got hers at age nine, and I remember being horrified and thinking, if I had gotten mine at that age and not known about it! I would have thought something was very wrong.

amother

Mon, Jun 03 2013, 1:05 pm

my mother got her period at 9 without any warning and was terrified. her mother never gave her a good explanation and she ended learning "on the streets" (from friends) and was no longer able to trust her mother.

With us as soon as she saw the first signs of changes she gave us the wonder of becoming you to read and discuss together. With one sister she told at 8 (this sister developed young). Otherwise she for sure told before bas mitzva. I was told at 10 and got my period within the year.

my school brought in a nurse in 6th grade to explain things. but for me (and probably others) that would have been to late.

tell her within the next year (sooner if you notice any signs of change mentioned). read the books first and go from there. make it something that is private, but not embarrassing.

amother

Mon, Jun 03 2013, 1:44 pm

Hi, I'm the OP. Thank you all for your kind and helpful responses. It's a great help.

to the poster who writes that my daughter over reacts cuz I'm that way as I wrote a Kalla teacher to teach. By Kalla teacher I meant just as Kalla teachers teach Kallas so too I heard of licensed mothers who teach pre puberty girls by simple explaining to them, as some mothers have it hard talking to their kids about it. Read and listen to what your reading and not what you want to read.

mandr

Mon, Jun 03 2013, 2:24 pm

amother wrote:

as some mothers have it hard talking to their kids about it. Read and listen to what your reading and not what you want to read.

I think that's the problem. If you give birth to a daughter, you want the best for her, don't you? And part of that is a good relationship with her, not a surrogate "mom" who's taking over mom's responsibility.