Ds 16 yo wakes up ds 13 to

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 2:03 am

Ds 16 yo goes to bed later and when he comes in the room he wakes up ds 13 or sometimes ds 13 yo trying to fall asleep and can't because ds 16 yo getting ready for bed or taking stuff from the room.
Wwyd

FranticFrummie

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 2:22 am

Time for separate bedrooms!

If that's not possible, make older Ds get his stuff ready in a basket outside the bedroom. He can change into his pajamas, get his toothbrush or whatever else he needs, and then quietly slip into bed when he's ready to actually sleep.

Make sure he knows that he must respect the younger Ds's need for rest, and that his brother has rights too.

amother

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 2:43 am

Op here
Ds is 16 yo is very chuspadik and won't agree to put his stuff outside the room.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 2:56 am

amother wrote:

Op here
Ds is 16 yo is very chuspadik and won't agree to put his stuff outside the room.

It sounds to me like you have a very different problem than the one you originally stated.

If he is chutzpadk, this didn't happen overnight. You need to get control over your child, or send him off to Yeshivah so someone else can straighten him out. How did he get so bad in the first place?

EmesOrNT

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 2:56 am

amother wrote:

Op here
Ds is 16 yo is very chuspadik and won't agree to put his stuff outside the room.

Then he can sleep on the couch.

amother

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 3:00 am

Op here
He is just angry about a lo of things. We had shalom bayis problems and financial crisis lately. He went through a lot of stuff. He is good on school just at home he doesn't listen. He doesn't want to go to a yeshiva with a dorm.

chani8

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 6:05 am

Put the 13 yo in a different room. Or get him headphones/mp3. If they were in a dorm, they'd get woken up by other kids. I wouldn't make such a big deal about it. Rather, work on the relationship with the 16yo.

It's so hard to give to teens when they are angry, but that's when they need love the most. And reassurance. A heart to heart talk. No secrets, no lies, no cover ups, and reassurances that everything is going to work out, get better, whatever good/hope you can share with them.

chani8

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 6:46 am

I can't believe I didn't mention:

The 5 Love Languages (for Teens)

mandksima

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 6:49 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

amother wrote:

Op here
Ds is 16 yo is very chuspadik and won't agree to put his stuff outside the room.

I am quite surprised at this! Especially after you talking about understanding a bit of ODD and the like. Angry, chutzpadik children do not mean the parents did not do adequate parenting. Do you really need to know their details? Chani8 is right, the child needs love and an extra measure of patience. I would bribe the 13 yo to work it out with his brother. It is very difficult to reason with a difficult child and maybe making more time together with the 16 yo would improve the relationship.

rising hero

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 8:16 am

chani8 wrote:

I can't believe I didn't mention:

The 5 Love Languages (for Teens)

Lol. Are you the author??

amother

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 8:54 am

Op here
I know I need a lot of patience and understanding but also I have to be firm about some issues....
I'm just wondering. If there are few or more dc sleeping in a room don't they wake up each other? What do other people do about it?

gila-rina

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 10:17 am

My oldest boy's bed is next to the door. He is last to bed and first to get up, so this way he is able to be careful about not waking others up, if he wants to be. My oldest daughter sleeps on the top bunk bed, she changes in the bathroom at night. I remind both of them to get their beds ready or whatever they need before going to bed. Night lights are also helpful. The headphones idea sounds good too.
Good luck.

chani8

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 10:27 am

Madam F. wrote:

chani8 wrote:

I can't believe I didn't mention:

The 5 Love Languages (for Teens)

Lol. Are you the author??

I think I should get a commission on sales, though, don't you think!!

amother

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 10:46 am

gila-rina wrote:

Op here
How do they use the headphones? Do they listen to music? ....
My oldest dd uses earplugs. Ds 13 yo doesn't want to use earplugs.
In the mornings they also wake up each other. What should I do about the mornings?

chani8

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 10:48 am

amother wrote:

I've got 5 girls in one room, ranging in ages from 3yo to 16yo. Sometimes the 16 year olds bother each other. But once a child is asleep, nothing seems to bother them. It's only when those two are going to sleep that they fight about the light and the noise. And just FTR, the 'good daughter' just 'can't fall asleep' because the 'rebellious child' is 'bothering'. IOW, it's a shtick for the 'good one' to complain against the 'rebel' to try to get her in trouble and wield power over her.

Just stay out of it except to insist that they both keep quiet .

If you are having serious trouble with this teen, then you need to read read read some good books, also give him some self-help books (Dr Burn's!) to read if he's open to it, and/or get him to therapy.

(When my boys were at their most angriest, with an anger that seemed out of proportion to what was happening in their lives, it was s-xual abuse related. Just have to put that out there. Make sure to deal with the reasons causing all your son's anger. Behavior management is basically a waste of time with a very hurt child.)

gila-rina

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 11:01 am

amother wrote:

gila-rina wrote:

Someone else suggested the headphones, but I assume its for music or stories.
The mornings are hard. If you don't want them to use alarms, because there are different wake up times, then you have to be the alarm. The clothes needs to be prepared from the night before, even if you have to do it for the kid. My kids only get dressed in the bedroom, all school related things are left in the dining room or at the door. Hope this helps.

amother

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 12:06 pm

Op here
Is it a good idea to use earplugs?

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 27 2013, 7:03 am

mandksima wrote:

FranticFrummie wrote:

amother wrote:

Op here
Ds is 16 yo is very chuspadik and won't agree to put his stuff outside the room.

Marina told me that I'm not allowed to diagnose people over the internet. That's why I assumed the OP's son was neurotypical. Oops! Was that another diagnosis? Darn, there I go again!

In the OP's original post, I didn't see that the son had anger management issues, I saw that he was being rude and inconsiderate. I answered according to the information I was given. I suggested a way to work it out, THEN I was told that he was refusing to cooperate.

So, what happens when the OP gives extra love (implying that she's not loving him enough already?), spends more quality time with him (again, she's not doing enough already?) and he STILL keeps waking up his younger brother?

Asking him to dress in the bathroom and not crash around at bedtime is not an unreasonable request. If he sees it as unreasonable, then there are more serious issues at hand. The 13 yo deserves to get a decent night's sleep, he has rights too! Why isn't anyone worrying about that?

werty

Tue, Aug 27 2013, 10:08 am

I understand the evenings are an issue, but I don't see the problem in the am.
my sister's alarm always woke me up and I smiled sympathetically under my pillow and turned over.
if he cant fall back asleep, is it so terrible to wake up an hour early and relax in bed or whatever??
mind you, my husband's alarm wakes me up too... its good to be flexible from an early age!

Page 1 of 1