should I request child be changed classes against her will

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

Should I request child be changed classes against her will

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amother

Fri, Aug 30 2013, 5:37 pm

My daughter is in a class and I feel that her friend/next door neighbor is not good for her to be around 24/7. she is very possessive over my daughter and doesn't let her make friends with others.
I want her to be changed classes so that they can still be friends at home but in school be separate. daughter wants to be with her because she feels secure and doesn't realize that its not good for her.
what would you do?

amother

Fri, Aug 30 2013, 5:52 pm

Is it so easy to change classes in your daughters school? Are the other teachers as good as the one whose class shes currently in?

Tablepoetry

Sat, Aug 31 2013, 1:17 pm

How old is she?
I would be very very reluctant to change and would only do it in emergency situations. Removing her by force can backfire; she can be miserable; she might not have the confidence to make any friends in the other class; she might rebel; the other teacher might be terrible; etc, etc.

Personally, I'd just leave her where she is and make major efforts to branch out her social life. Encourage her to invite other girls over, teach her how important it is to make new friends, etc.

groisamomma

Sat, Aug 31 2013, 9:11 pm

Leave her for this year but get her changed before the school year next year if things don't improve.

amother

Sat, Aug 31 2013, 10:13 pm

thank you all for the reply.
for some info, she is 9 , going into forth grade. school did not start so its not to late for this year. I don't know who the teachers will be so I have no idea which class will have better teachers. I have tried to get her to make friends with other girls but this specific girls threatens her and tells her she can only be her friend.

amother

Sat, Aug 31 2013, 10:16 pm

op here again,
principal is willing to change her as she is aware of the situation and is making a couple of changes to all 3 classes anyways.

Kugglegirl

Sat, Aug 31 2013, 10:36 pm

If school has not started yet & she can be switched to a different class roster, I'd say go ahead.

You don't have to tell your daughter why. You can just tell her that the principal makes the final decisions about classes, and she knows all the girls well, so you are sure that DD is going to have an awesome year. (Teen DD seems to be using 'awesome' as the current superlative) You can validate her too, that you know she and her bestie are going to be sad to not be together, but there will be lots of times at school & at home that they can spend time together.

I had this situation for many years, with my daughter, like yours, very attached to a girl with a strong personality. We only have one class in her school, so I was always meeting w. teachers & asking them to please set up seating charts and work groups so my DD would have to work with other girls instead of her "bestie."

I sent her to a different camp from "bestie" on purpose, too.

It worked some, but not as well as if she could have been in a different class, at least some years.

Hope you & DD have an 'awesome' year.

Kugglegirl

Sat, Aug 31 2013, 10:40 pm

PS- the threatening her & making her think that she can only be friends w. the one girl is intimidation & bullying. The girl kind of bullying, which is the WORST!

So don't be surprised if this girl does some mean things to your DD when classes change. Though it could just as easily happen when they are in classes together. So don't think that keeping things status quo will keep the boat from rocking.

5S5Sr7z3

Sat, Aug 31 2013, 10:47 pm

If school didn't start yet, and there are changes being made anyway, I would say to do it. Your daughter doesn't have to know it's your doing, you can tell her the principal was making some changes and decided to change her as well.

Tablepoetry

Sun, Sep 01 2013, 1:06 am

I agree with the others - if school has NOT yet started, and if the principal is making several other changes anyway, ask her to do it without telling your dd you initiated. That way she's not the only black sheep changing classes, and you're not pulling her out once school is in session, AND you are not the bad guy she can blame all year.

Bruria

Sun, Sep 01 2013, 3:23 am

I believe you are doing the right thing for your daughter, and she is young, so she might not even realize this about her friend!
Don't feel guilty, they will still be friends after school , it's not like you are taking them apart, just keeping a healthy distance Very Happy

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