sending to schools that contradict with your beliefs

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Sending to schools that contradict with your beliefs

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Ruchel

Sun, Sep 29 2013, 3:07 pm

When moving to another country we must realize the group we belong to may not exist.

My dh's cousins who made alia are still looking for a school with no Gmara for girls, no need for full haircovering or tights, and no religious acknowledgement of Yom Hatzmaut. We had warned them it's hard.

Lady Godiva

Sun, Sep 29 2013, 5:51 pm

OP, don't focus on this woman's looks and skirt so much. Maybe the school she wants to send her son to is what she feels is best for her child? Maybe that's the one she chose because the other options would not work for whatever reasons? Maybe her husband wants their child there and she is not really doing it with her whole heart?

I send my children to schools that are a little more to the right than I am for a few different reasons. One is that the alternatives are a lot more to the left. Two is that my husband really wants them in those specific schools. Three is that the schools have excellent education programs.
I do go out of my way to wear my longer skirts when I go to the school. Good thing the other mothers don't measure my skirt with a ruler when they see me out of the school building.

Barbara

Sun, Sep 29 2013, 10:36 pm

Because attire is only the tiniest part of Judaism, and only the tiniest part of what I believe.

To bastardize the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, "I have a dream that my ... children will one day experience a Judaism where they will not be judged by the color of their shirts or length of their sheitls, but by the content of their character."

Volunteer

Mon, Sep 30 2013, 12:07 am

There are LOADS of considerations when choosing a school, and hashkafa/lifestyle is one of them. Is the school closer to the family's home? Do they like the teachers/principals better? Do they like the other kids better? And... drumroll please... Is it cheaper?

I worked at a fairly right-wing school for several years. Lots of parents had stuff at home that contradicted school policy. The school had rules against internet access at home, but it was an open secret that nearly everyone had access and used it regularly. Don't even get me started on TV. It was totally ridiculous. What the teens really rolled their eyes to was the obvious inconsistency and abject denial. The adults in their world were just not being honest with themselves. This can't be good for their development.

catonmylap

Mon, Sep 30 2013, 10:58 am

I think the US is different than Israel though, and not all the olim have grasped that difference yet. In the US, you can send your kid to a school that is more right-wing than you, so that they'll come out frummer... In Israel, when you choose your first grade or even gan, you are choosing a certain path for life... it's quite scary actually..

I have signed my 6 year old up for army and a college degree, while his second cousin has signed on to be a lifelong yeshiva student.

Ruchel

Mon, Sep 30 2013, 12:19 pm

It is true, unless they do a drastic lifechange...

I agree dress is outwards... but I wouldn't want to make alia, or move to wherever, and find myself in a situation where the school fitted more back here, or it fits but my dd ends up in the10% most or least tznius when she was just normal, or her beloved hobby had become non jewish, etc.

We considered once upon a time a move to Antwerpen and the same problem (including language and parnassa, actually!) stopped it.

greenfire

Mon, Sep 30 2013, 3:54 pm

there's no perfect fit & no perfect school

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