the "perfect" girls

amother

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 9:38 pm

Why do I feel the need to be liked by those type of girls.( hot chanies )Why do I want to have those types of girls as my friends.. I am intimidated by the perfect girls who have everything. I feel like its an immature thing that I need to grow out of.. is it?

Cookies n Cream

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 9:39 pm

Are you allergic to them?

greenfire

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 9:41 pm

I'm thinking she is quite allergic ... yet she has no control since they keep coming back as 'friends'

amother

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 9:41 pm

perhaps. I reposted in the correct category. Did not realize I was in allergies somehow.

greenfire

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 9:41 pm

it's up to you whether or not you wish to be superficial or real ...

amother

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 9:42 pm

This wasnt supposed to be a mocking thread. I am seriously asking

mummiedearest

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 9:50 pm

you want to be accepted by them because you are jealous of them, I suspect. you use the word "perfect" in referring to them. I dont' know what you can do to combat the jealousy. maybe keep a journal of what you're grateful for and what you love about yourself? reread it every once in a while. I can't promise it'll work, but it can't hurt.

amother

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 9:58 pm

I feel the same way as u, I could have written this post. What bothers u about wanting to be friends with them?

amother

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 10:20 pm

what bothers me is that I feel like a snob that only wants to be friends with the girls that are perfect and I infact am intimidated of and not the ones that are plain down to earth and would actually be better friends...

amother

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 10:24 pm

What I tried to do was be more open to other types of girls and be as friendly to other types and it really opened my eyes . I can be friends with both types. I'm not limited

amother

Tue, Oct 01 2013, 10:36 pm

@amother 2 - do you know why u used to be the same as me?

notme

Wed, Oct 02 2013, 1:25 pm

The only reason they appear "perfect" is because you are not friends with them and therefor don't know them well enough to see their flaws and life challenges.

thePrimaIma

Wed, Oct 02 2013, 3:12 pm

Friends are a mirror image of yourself. With that said, perhaps this is an ego thing?

Lady Godiva

Wed, Oct 02 2013, 5:36 pm

Who says "hot chanis" can't be good friends?
Who says they're all superficial?
Confused

Maybe you like your friends to be stylish women. Nothing wrong with that, as long as they're good people who respect others.

gold21

Wed, Oct 02 2013, 5:44 pm

Yeah it's probably something you'll grow out of... At this point of my life (I'm 28) I don't really view anyone as "perfect"- I know everyone has got their issues. Also, im just not interested in competing or pretending to be perfect. I dunno, perfect is boring. And it's unachievable. Nobody is perfect.

Lady Godiva

Wed, Oct 02 2013, 5:51 pm

gold21 wrote:

I agree with this. I don't know why you think that people who dress a certain way (I think I understand what a hot chani is) are perfect? I don't even think they think they're perfect. Nobody is perfect. They may be perfectly dressed--for the look they are going for, but they are not perfect because of that.

amother

Wed, Oct 02 2013, 6:01 pm

As someone who has been described as dressing like a hot chani (yes its offensive) I can tell you that just because things might look perfect don't think for a second that they are. The more stressed and depressed I get the more I make sure that my appearance is flawless. When I'm happy I don't care if I look perfect when I leave the house. Just saying.

marshmellow

Wed, Oct 02 2013, 6:05 pm

Maybe you just need to be less concerned with the way people look. Be less judgemental and more accepting. Someone who dresses a bit weirdly or messily can be the nicest person. looking to be "friends" with stylish people doesn't actually do anything positive for you - unless they are nice people. It actually only says more about your own insecurities. You have no reason to feel that way. You are just letting the way you feel take over you, which is not good, because looks are not what we use to judge a person. What matters is a person's values, their heart and their conduct. Instead, you should look for someone with a kind heart and good values to be your friend. You should never use the way someone looks as a basis for deciding whether or not to be their friend. Try not to form opinions on people based on the way they look, the home they live in, or anything else material. If you do that you might be letting the opportunity of meeting the most special person pass you by. Someone who could be a TRUE friend.

amother

Wed, Oct 02 2013, 9:52 pm

so how do I change? how do I work on not lookng at externals and accepting myself as I am.

marshmellow

Wed, Oct 02 2013, 10:26 pm

amother wrote:

so how do I change? how do I work on not lookng at externals and accepting myself as I am.

I'm not saying you should be arrogant (you clearly are not), but it is important to have a good sense of self worth and self respect. First of all, G-d Almighty loves you and He put you on this earth for a reason. This should give you a huge sense of self worth, more than anything external ever could.
In the same way, when you look at other people, you should think of every person as being the son/daughter of a King.

The reason why you are here is not to develop externally. These are things we can't change really and even if we can, it's just not part of our mission. It's not what we're here to focus on.

At 120, our credits are counted and people don't score credits for their appearance or for anything physical or material in nature. They don't score credits for the job they had, for the car they drove, or the make up they wore.

A poor cleaning lady who acted decently all her life and did acts of kindness to others can reach the highest of heights in heaven and a doctor who acted badly can't use their "title" to score credits they haven't earned.

The world of the soul and the spirit and the heavens has absolutely nothing to do with the physical and the material.

We all have a soul which is overall far more important the body, but the body helps the soul along. The soul is the basis of our connection to G-d and it is where all of the most beautiful qualities that a human being can possess originate.

Look at people who inspire you and who you admire. They could be famous/family members, anyone. You will see in them some traits that make them the great person they are. Strength, courage, compassion, sensitivity, humility, gentleness, grace, generosity, anything.

Make a list of the good qualities you have. These are eternal.