dd says her uncle pulled up her skirt and rubbed her- locked

Shana_H

Sat, Dec 07 2013, 7:49 pm

amother wrote:

Nope 13 is still young. A kid in a sheltered environment does not really know whats going on in him with all the s-xual urges and tension. I remember coming across the word pleasuring and being totally and royally shocked that this thing I did had an actual name to it and many othersdid it too.

Hence the need for "s*x ed" all across the board! We are doing our children a disservice by ignoring the obvious need for age appropriate education!

amother

Sat, Dec 07 2013, 8:14 pm

OP here. Thank you to everyone who has been here to support me and not to curse me. I spoke to the person I was told to tonight. He is not so sure how to handle this particular situation because as FS said, it is very complicated. Together we will look into all our options so we can get him the help he needs ASAP. We will also call SOVRI for input. Dd is safe and unphased by the whole thing. With therapy, she will be fine. For now all that's left for you to do is pray that we can get bil the help he needs and that he can recover. He is a 13 year old baby who has been getting therapy since he was 1 year old. He has major issues, immaturity and ADHD are only some of them. Hopefully now we will manage to get him the proper help without my in laws getting in the way. Thanks again. Shavua Tov. I don't see a need to post updates here now that we got the wheels rolling.

m in Israel

Sun, Dec 08 2013, 1:20 am

amother wrote:

OP here.

To the poster who is worrying that dd confided in her friend and not in her parents, I was thinking about this. My understanding is that she did not see it as a horrible thing. She was laughing to her friend about it. The friend's mother heard them giggling together and asked why. So I think she just didn't feel a need to tell us. But I told all my kids now that if anyone ever touches them in a way that's not tzniusdig, they must tell the person to stop, scream for help, and tell us.

The fact that she is laughing doesn't mean she didn't think it was bad -- laughter is a common response when one feels very uncomfortable or awkward as well. When telling something like this to her friend, laughing was probably a way to make it feel less strange.

In your first post you mentioned something much more significant -- that she told her friend it was a big secret. Those are the key words that show that she felt it was something wrong -- and likely he told her to keep it a secret, too, which means he knew full well that it was wrong as well. In fact one of the ideas that is recommended to teach kids when determining if something is OK or not is that if the person tells you it must be kept secret, that is a warning sign. And if she just decided on her own that it is "a deep dark secret" (your words in the OP), that shows she is internalizing the "shame" involved in this incident, which is super important for you to address with a therapist.

I'm glad you seem to be on the path to do just that. Our tefilos are with you and you daughter at this difficult time.

amother

Sun, Dec 08 2013, 2:23 am

QuellingandQvetching wrote:

It is very straightforward, a child was violated s-xually. The only way to deal with this properly is to call law enforcement b/c they are the only ones with the resources to deal with the situation and figure out what happened. They are the only ones with even the remote possibility of having the power to stop the perpetrator from victimizing more children.

ALso, if protecting your child against rape causes a divorce and you let your child be abused to save a marriage you have failed as a parent. Is this Judaism? Is this the Judaism of loving kindness and the Judaism that is child centered? This perverse form of Judaism where we let our children become victims to preserve our lifestyle is not the Judaism I recall learning about. Where does it say that children can be victimized and we shall turn a deaf ear to the abuse? Where does it say that a 13 y.o. boy who molests a little girl has more significance than the little girl? Where in Judaism does it say that we should throw our children to the wolves simply b/c it is an inconvenience to protect them?

The orgs listed are support groups for abuse survivors. They don't have the power or resources to do anything. I guarantee that they will tell the OP to call the police and she won't. She will worry more about the proper roasting time for her shabbos chicken than she will about the mental and physical health of her daughter.

Are u totally nuts??? I am glad you are only trying to conceive and not an actual mother because you sound completely psychotic. You don't have kids so you know nothing of any of this. Keep your trap shut.
Oh and all you pathetic Judaism questions, you know what Judaism does not allow?? Going to the non jews to report on a fellow Jew.
The OP can go to the frum organizations and handle it that way. Police don't need to get involved with a 13 year old boy! They would love to only to have it blazing on the front page of the NY Post.
I pity the kids you may have because you are ao nasty and judgmental and lack common sense.

ROFL

Sun, Dec 08 2013, 2:41 am

To tha Amother at 2:23.
I don't agree with Q andQ. BUT YOUR RESPONSE IS TOTALLY WRONG
I am happy OP is thinking about all aspects and is calm. That us what she should be doing. Your words about letting the jewish community handle it is so very wrong. My guess is the 13 year old was also abused and there is allot if things that will come out now about negative family dynamics and possibly more situations of abuse.
To the OP you say the 13 year was in therapy from one years old-- would you like to clarify that? Most one year olds can't communicate for therapy to happen, maybe he was in an Early Intervention program and had PT or OT. But surely not psychological therapy.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Dec 08 2013, 3:04 am

amother wrote:

QuellingandQvetching wrote:

This is simply not true. If it is needed to go to the police then you go to the police. your view, of not being allowed to go to a non jew to report such a thing is what holds people back and has the abuse continue and continue.