the mountain family

PinkFridge

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 7:56 am

It seems pretty easy to me to be dlkz: there's a lot that she won't/can't write due to constraints of shmiras halashon, halacha, and concern for others who are part of her story. We may never have the gaps filled in. That's one of the big differences between this kind of biography and secular biography. Meanwhile, looking at the doros she's produced, their contributions, known and unknown -to me it seems everyone who invested in the family is reaping the dividends of being a part of it.

octopus

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 9:40 am

I'm also not sure what other ppl's beef with the book is about. you think she is going into detail about her divorce? She barely writes about her first husband. she has her children and grandchildren to think about.

you also need to step outside of your little box. your mentality is not the same as the author's. the ppl in the appalachian mountains are POOR. they are probably the poorest (or one of the poorest) in the USA. Culturally, if someone gives you a handout (which btw was NOT money) you take it. No one was handing them cash. ppl helped them with clothes and a place to live. Who said it was sooooooo easy for them to take things? She didn'[t write too much about her feelings living in a tent etc. she just wrote what happened. I definitely felt therewas a lot NOT written. but, again, she has her children and grandchildren to think about, and everybody doesn't have to know everything.you also don't realize how overwhelming it was for her and her family to move to a real city from the mountains. her family was isolated from society. It took me a YEAR to acculturate living from OOT to living in the city. kal v'chomer for someone living outside of society moving into a real community and a new religion.

oliveoil

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 10:41 am

octopus wrote:

I guess I just feel like we should either get the real story, or no story.

If you're so busy trying to protect everyone, don't write the book.

PinkFridge

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 11:44 am

oliveoil wrote:

I guess I just feel like we should either get the real story, or no story.

If you're so busy trying to protect everyone, don't write the book.

And if you have a compelling story, and feel that telling it might offer closure, parnasa possibilities, chizuk to others,or fill in your own blank, and you want to do it in the most dignified way, yet with the most exposure, be prepared that if you go through Artscroll or a similar publishing company, there will be naysayers who will rip in to your for not doing a tell-all.

octopus

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 12:05 pm

oliveoil wrote:

Exactly.

um.. she did. right in the beginning.

meant to quote this line :It would have been nice though if an explanatory note would be included in the introduction stating that some details were left out to maintain privacy.

she writes in the beginning that she changed names and only wrote the truth. I took that to mean that while she only wrote the truth, she took the liberty to pick and choose which events in her life she wanted to write about and to what extent.

Last edited by octopus on Thu, Jan 09 2014, 12:12 pm; edited 1 time in total

deena19k

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 12:10 pm

It's one thing to criticize a book for the way it's written. We all agreed that if you write then you put yourself out there. But I think its really rude to criticize the subject of the book who is a real person, and you're basically criticizing their entire life. Really not nice Imo.

oliveoil

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 12:19 pm

octopus wrote:

She changed names but then put pictures of her adult kids. And there are pictures of her as an adult in online articles too, so no anonymity there.

To me saying you're writing only the truth does NOT imply that you're leaving out huge chunks of the story, sorry.

oliveoil

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 12:19 pm

deena19k wrote:

I disagree. If you write an auto-biography, you're putting yourself out there for discussion.

octopus

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 12:22 pm

oliveoil wrote:

I disagree. If you write an auto-biography, you're putting yourself out there for discussion.

but what discussion? you say, according to you, that she always put herself before her kids! where are you getting that? I don'[t see that. I see a woman who listened to her dh and her dh'[s family and always put herself LAST. maybe she is finally doing something for herself. like write an autobiography.

octopus

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 12:26 pm

also, oliveoil, I would really like to know, and not at all sarcastic here, how much in contact are you with the real outside world, in terms of non-Jewish people? how about outside the tri-state area? their story is extremely unusual. extremely. now, you may not like it. and you are entitled to not liking a book. but how can you argue that it was NOT an interesting read?

with a smile :)

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 1:19 pm

oliveoil wrote:

I disagree. If you write an auto-biography, you're putting yourself out there for discussion.

You may be putting yourself out there for discussion, but not for lashon hara. This woman is a real person, and many many people know who she is. There is no heter to speak lashon hara about someone just because their story was published, either by themselves or someone else.

To answer some of your comments about Tzirel Rus - she wrote this book taking her children's interests very much into consideration. She felt that her story should be published for many important reasons, and many of her children also felt it should be published. Some of her children did not. Daas Torah (meaning a gadol, not her LOR) was consulted at every step, and measures were taken to not only protect the privacy of the children who wanted it, but also to ensure that the book was published in a manner that everyone involved was happy with. And that means that certain things had to be left out.

Also, you have no idea who this woman is. Even after reading the book - you have an understanding of certain sides of her, but you would have to meet her in person to see who she is and what she does. She is a tremendous force in her community - does HUGE amounts of chessed, and barely even considers her own needs, as she is so focused on the needs of those around her.

sarahd

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 1:53 pm

Maya wrote:

Haven't we discussed something about being published and expecting criticism?

We have. IIRC, the conclusion was that it's not so clear that it's okay to criticize even something that's published. Am I wrong? (Not only referring to lashon hara but also to onoas devorim.)

PinkFridge

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 4:57 pm

octopus wrote:

Thanks! I wanted to say this but I lent my copy out. I was pretty sure I remembered some such disclaimer.

PinkFridge

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 4:59 pm

oliveoil wrote:

Listen, I don't know this lady, I'm sharing my impressions and issues after reading the book.

If the book is so not representative of her life and who she really is, maybe she needed a better writer.

OTOH, it's very possible the writer did the best possible job given the somewhat restrictive parameters.

myself

Thu, Jan 09 2014, 5:54 pm

Just to clarify, I wrote above that it would be nice for there to have been this disclaimer simply because others seem to be bothered by it. Not because it actually bothered me.

I also read the part where she said she changed some names, but by stating that she's only writing the truth it didn't give the impression that some things were omitted.

Of course everyone is entitled to privacy and I respect that. I for one loved the book and am truly amazed by this family. No criticism here. I've actually recommended the book to many people!

If anyone from the Mountain Family is following this thread - Thank you for allowing us a glimpse into your life. You are an inspiration!