Starting to Cover at Work

Geotherm

Wed, Jan 22 2014, 11:03 am

B"H our daughter became engaged a few months ago. It's been exciting preparing her for the wedding, including getting her sheitlach to wear.

After we finally picked out a weekday sheitel that she liked, she told me that she was nervous about starting to wear it. She works a a prestigious, non-Jewish company, and was not sure how to explain the change to her coworkers.

I have been lucky to always work within the Community and never had to deal with this.

Has anyone here had to do that? How did you handle it?

Rutabaga

Wed, Jan 22 2014, 11:11 am

Is it very different from her own hair?

If not, most people will just assume that she got a new hairstyle if they even notice the difference. Non-Jewish people don't automatically assume people are wearing wigs unless they are very familiar with Orthodox customs. If she wants to explain about hair-covering, then that's her prerogative. She should either have a simple explanation ready just in case someone is curious or a comment to deflect such curiosity.

Brownies

Wed, Jan 22 2014, 11:12 am

I had this when I was university. Most people could tell my hair was different - some thought I had had hair extensions put in - but it never even crossed their minds that it was a wig until I told them. Mazal tov!

pesek zman

Wed, Jan 22 2014, 11:17 am

No one noticed when I got married and came back to work with a wig. The wig is excellent and looks just like my hair (which was my goal) 2 and 1/2 years later, no one knows

momX4

Wed, Jan 22 2014, 11:17 am

Unless she is going from short hair to a long sheitel they wont even notice. Even if she is changing her color they will think she did it for the wedding. This is from my own experience.

Frumdoc

Wed, Jan 22 2014, 12:11 pm

I only cover with a tichel or beret, and so it is obvious.

I just say " I'm jewish and religious, we cover our hair after we get married"

If they want to ask further, I explain more. No negative comments, no whispers, I've never had a problem. I think the secular world is too pc to be judgemental about a simple head covering, it is really not as big a deal for others as it is for us, and professionals tend to be too polite to comment.

There are plenty of people who wear a wig or head wrap for other reasons, hair loss, fashion (many african origin women wear wigs or wraps), religion (Muslims or some religious Xtians cover their head). We don't stand out in the slightest.

Hakol Letovah

Wed, Jan 22 2014, 1:11 pm

saying "its a religous requirement" sounds fine. I would not go into details of married, unmarried, or halachos. stay away from it. we dont teach a non jew halachos. not needed.

from my experience, many non jews do not know or understand the difference, and I would prefer not to discuss.

When I walked in after sheva brachos with a wig, only ONE lady I work with noticed/ commented. She said "you have a new hair style", and I said "yes".

She asked when did I do it, I said "last weekend". It would not be professional for her to ask more.

That was it. I never felt I needed to educate her or anyone about a wig. its really personal and noones biz.

Geotherm

Mon, Jan 27 2014, 8:31 pm

She has curly hair, so it will be pretty obvious. And she is in a formal corporate environment (lawyer) so head wraps and scarves are not an option.

celesteno

Mon, Jan 27 2014, 8:39 pm

I was also a lawyer at a large corporate firm when I got married. I wore a sheital, because I didn't think tichels or berets would fly. It was longer than my hair and had very different bangs (and a smoother texture than my natural hair). I was super paranoid everyone would comment. In reality, no one really noticed and if they did just thought I did something new with my hair. Less people notice than you think...and no one assumes its a wig unless they are very familiar with Orthodox Jews.

tryinghard

Mon, Jan 27 2014, 8:53 pm

Hakol Letovah wrote:

saying "its a religous requirement" sounds fine. I would not go into details of married, unmarried, or halachos. stay away from it. we dont teach a non jew halachos. not needed.
.

The problem with this, as I see it, is that you have potential for chillul Hashem, if they then assume that it's an across the board religious obligation - ie, a single girl, or for that matter, someone who does not cover (do we worry about chillul Hashem in that case btw?). Personally, my line is, "Orthodox Jewish married women cover their hair" - I dont mention it as a religious obligation, though that is implied - because it COULD be a cultural thing...

chocolate moose

Mon, Jan 27 2014, 9:05 pm

Geotherm wrote:

She has curly hair, so it will be pretty obvious.

It won't be obvous. People will think she just had a blow out. My sheital macher used to work in a salon and she sometimes wore curly and sometime straight. Even women who knew hair, couldn't tell she wore a wig.

Hakol Letovah

Mon, Jan 27 2014, 9:33 pm

That was for those who do want to explain.

I think its better just to say nothing.

Its really not great topic as you think. you got a new hair style, and it looks great.

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Jan 28 2014, 10:47 am

What's the worst that can happen?

I had no problem explaining the change to people. The biggest issue I came up against is that people sometimes thought they had offended me. For example:

"Wow, nice haircut. You just got it?"

"Actually it's a wig. Thanks, I like it too!"

"Oh! Um, I'm so sorry!"

"Completely no reason to be sorry! It's a religious thing, like kosher. Please, you never need to feel sorry about something like that. I'm really pretty laidback about this..."

I guess I didn't ever feel that my sheitel was "private." Didn't see any reason to hide it. In fact, I would have felt weird if people were thinking about it but felt uncomfortable asking, which is why I brought it up if they commented on the hair at all. Looks like I'm not the norm, based on this thread...

Chickpea

Tue, Jan 28 2014, 1:14 pm

Hi! I also have no problem with my coworkers knowing I wear a wig. The non jews understand as well as the non frum Jews. If anything, I feel honored and privileged that Hashem has given me reason to cover my hair. If my coworkers have a problem with my wearing a wig, that's their problem.