Boss's daughter's wedding

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Forum -> Working Women

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amother

Mon, May 19 2014, 8:12 pm

I'm invited to my boss's daughter's wedding and feel like I cannot not go but really don't know anyone there, besides some of her other married daughters. I will feel really out of place but how can I not go?
What do I do?? They are Chassidish- I am Litvish.....I will feel so self consciously out of place!

smiledr

Mon, May 19 2014, 8:15 pm

Btdt- I didn't go. My rule is if I won't enjoy myself and just be miserable I won't go. I get invited to my boss' kids chassidish weddings and receptionists weddings and I've never been to one - they aren't my friend and I don't feel obligated to go.

sunshine6

Mon, May 19 2014, 8:18 pm

Why not go and say mazel tov and then leave Smile

oliveoil

Mon, May 19 2014, 8:47 pm

Go just for kabbalas panim, say mazel tov and leave. When ppl see you there at the beginning of the wedding, they notice and feel like you were there for longer, even if you leave right away.

joyful mom

Mon, May 19 2014, 9:16 pm

I've gone to the weddings of my boss's children in the past. I went during the dancing, told his wife mazel tov and left. My husband sometimes goes in as well to give my boss mazel tov. I don't see what the difference is if it's chassidesh or not but if you feel uncomfortable I would suggest to go during the beginning of the dancing when there are usually more people and mostly busy dancing...

amother

Mon, May 19 2014, 10:25 pm

Personally, I would suck up my discomfort and go. This is about good relations with your boss and being m'sameach the chosson and kallah. So they aren't the exact kind of Jew you are, so what? You're a frum Jew; they are frum Jews. It's not like you got invited to an Irish Catholic marrying a Hindu where you wouldn't know what was happening. Sometimes you have to do things that are outside your comfort zone.

ElTam

Mon, May 19 2014, 10:26 pm

Sorry. That was me above. Didn't mean to be amother.

Wanted to add if you are only going to the chuppah and dancing, don't RSVP for dinner. It won't be nice if they notice, and it's wasting their money.

DrMom

Mon, May 19 2014, 10:30 pm

amother wrote:

1. Will there be other people from work in attendance? Maybe you can sit with them.

2. What does being Chassidish vs Litvish have to do with it? You can't celebrate a simcha with people of a different hashkafa?

3. Maybe there will be other non-Chassidic people there. They invited you, so it is likely they invited other non-family members as well.

4. I think it's nice to make an effort l'sameach hachattan v'hakallah. A wedding is not just for the guests, it's also for the couple and their family. I would make an effort to attend to fulfil the mitzvah of making the couple happy.

rising hero

Mon, May 19 2014, 10:43 pm

Go for a few minutes to say mazel tov to the kallah and the mother and check out the gowns they're wearing. Wink

They're not expecting you to stay.
I've been to one. It doesn't take long. No one checks how long you're there. And its the appropriate thing to do.
I disagree with the poster who said that she doesn't go. Its the proper thing to do.

SRS

Mon, May 19 2014, 11:38 pm

Stretch your comfort zone. It is a good thing to do every once in a while.

myself

Tue, May 20 2014, 5:05 am

I think you should pop in to say Mazel Tov and see how it goes. If you find company, great, otherwise just leave.

Note: I'm quite sure you will not be the only Litvish guest at the wedding.

amother

Tue, May 20 2014, 10:05 pm

Well, I have a coworkers son's Bar Mitzvah in a month and that is harder than a wedding. YOu are kind of stuck at a table. Even though I know her sisters a bit, I really dont know them well and you can't just leave the table without everyone noticing. Am tempted not to go but kind of really have to. How long is polite enough to sit at a Bar Mitzvah?

DrMom

Wed, May 21 2014, 1:18 am

Why is a bar mitzvah harder than a wedding?

Tablepoetry

Wed, May 21 2014, 1:30 am

Sometimes you do things to maintain good relationships at work. Comfortable or not.

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