Very bad situation and have no one to talk to

amother

Orange

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 11:43 am

Hi op, I know exactly how u feel. It's not that we need advice on budgeting- is that there is no money to budget. I was once in the car with someone and the whole time she kept complaining how she left her wallet at home and what a terrible feeling. I couldn't help but think how I have my wallet on me but it's empty anyways. I mostly don't even carry it because what's the point.

Probably not helping but I do know and understand you. And I do know that when I started to daven for parnassa while baking challah, Hashem really helps. He is the best more generous employer.

We aren't out of the boat but it's about being happy where you are. Don't let it get you down and cause fights. That's the yetzer hara'a doing. You need to keep strong, happy, and daven.

amother

Peach

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 11:59 am

There is no way someone can offer you emotional support. I don't think there can be a worse feeling that not being able to provide for your children.

Of course you and dh are fighting. You both feel awful. If you can reach inside yourself to be able to feel each other's pain, and realize that the situation for a man is simply beyond crushing, so crushing that he can not deal with your fears (which is the female response) at least your children will have a happy home

but you should know that if you have no income, you should contact Section 8 for temporary help. There is a short term program and hopefully that will give you some time....

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 3:38 pm

Smile at your husband. He is supposed to provide and he feels worse than you do. Fake it.

We will daven for you.

If you smile at him he will be more likely to get a job. He will feel better. People who feel ok are more likely to be hired than visibly upset people. Hiding being upset isn't so easy no matter how clever you are. Employers are trained to see through your disguise. Nobody wants a tense, distracted employee.

Smile at him. It is your path out.

Don't assume people won't respect your charedi lifestyle. They will, and their feelings are not your business or concern. Give them a chance to do their jobs. How they do it is between them and G-d.

Reach out. Don't sit home and stew. Open your mouth and ask. Keep your mentality ok. It is great that you come here to Imamother. You have had a lot of good suggestions for sources on this thread. Nobody can think of everything, so those ideas are useful. Maybe some are new to you.

amother

Papaya

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 4:00 pm

Op, j really feel for you. I don't know what to say. I have been in This situation as a teenager growing up on the other side of things. It was horrible. Bh bh I have moved past it mostly and thank god everyday for having basics. I really hope it passes soon for you too and things tsrat to look up. Hugs hugs and more hugs! It is very difficult

amother

Slategray

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 4:22 pm

We're in a similar situation. I know how stressful it can be, especially the job hunting.
Do yourself a favor and indulge yourself once a week in a little something. It can mean buying yourself a milkshake, a magazine, or going for a manicure. Nothing expensive.
I do this and find that it really helps ease the pressure and sense of hopelessness.

pause

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 9:26 pm

amother wrote:

She did say there is NO money. I like your advice to treat yourself, but don't do it by spending more money no matter how little. It's this mentality (that a little bit doesn't matter when we're so in debt anyway) that gets you deeper into debt.

You can treat yourself by doing exercise, taking a stroll in the park, taking a hot bath, playing a game with your dh, etc.

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 9:57 pm

I feel for you. I cant imagine not having a penny for yourself, husband & children.
I do know a relative of mine going through the same situation//////
hatzlocha rabba. I hope you find the strength to get yourself out there to find any job that could help you get some food on the table, whether babysitting, or even a cashier - you will start feeling a lot better; you are helping get your family on the road to recovery & you never know your husband might follow suit. try & gather strength, & ask Hashem for guidance - push yourself. once you are out there trying to make some money, IY"H Hashem will help you & IY"H your Yeshua will come.

amother

Ecru

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 10:21 pm

Thanks everyone for the chizzuk. About treating myself, I fixed myself a yummy lunch today with ingredients we had in the house was nice. Last week we played monopoly one night... Was pretty cool dealing w millions and buying buildings lol. I'm trying to stay possitive for the kids sake. Have my ups and downs

amother

Coffee

Mon, Nov 02 2015, 10:46 pm

I feel for you as I am in the same situation. We don't have money for anything. My husband lost his job 13 years ago and he has not been working full time since then maybe 10 hours a week if that. We lived off savings and my very part time job for years but the money ran out.
I had a situation where one of my kids had to have emergency surgery and all I could think about it how will we pay for gas and tolls to get to the hospital.
My husband and I don't have parents anymore and there are no relatives to help us.
So we just have to give each other chizuk to keep going on everyday.
I will daven for you for a yeshua.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Nov 03 2015, 6:52 am

Op I totally get you. Last week I did not have money for milk...luckily I had 2 bags of flour and some oil so I made delicious rolls.
In these situations I feel that the only one to turn too is Hashem. Cry to him and beg him to help you. He has all the money and all the jobs. his name is SHalom and only he can make your house a peaceful happy home.
The gates of tears never close....