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-> Parenting our children
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amother
Chocolate
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 Thu, Feb 18 2016, 9:10 am
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Or whatever you want to call it. Is it because we don't want them to know, keep them innocent, we're just uncomfortable, or a little of both?
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Heyaaa
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Thu, Feb 18 2016, 9:26 am
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It's because we're uncomfortable and because we think that if we don't tell them then they won't know. We forget that they spend most of the hours of the day out of the house so they will learn with or without us being the teachers.
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bigsis144
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Thu, Feb 18 2016, 12:52 pm
(going non-anon even though I'm scared to admit it)
I'm hesitant in action because I'm ambivalent in thought.
There's a part of me that's very s-x positive and matter-of-fact, but that part of me is also related to more liberal ideas like "m-sturbation is normal and not shameful" or "as long as everybody truly consents, s-x/gender, marital status and number of participants doesn't matter" or "there is no such things as 'too young' to hear frank non-sordid details about s-x", etc.
BUT, but, but.
I feel very ambivalent about passing those hashkafos onto my kids, or even just the basic information, since I've been brought up to believe that "s-x is soooo special and non jews cheapen it by just throwing the diamond in the dirt/letting everyone take a bite out of the apple" and "ish v'isha Shchina beineihem" and was perfectly happy not thinking about boys throughout my entire teenage life (probably due in part to my personality, but largely due to my parents' careful selection of my school/friends/education. I didn't go to a school where ANYONE had boyfriends [that they talked about... I'm sure there were some], so it wasn't even in my frame of reference except in cringe-worthy Disney kid sitcoms that I'd see at my grandma's house where I felt like yelling at the screen "you're only 12!!! why are you so obsessed with boys????"). So while all the ideas of sheltering don't 100% sit right by me (call me an apikores), in practice, growing up somewhat sheltered didn't mess me up too much.
Therefore, when it comes to my kids I'm scared I'm
(a) ruining their innocence in my misguided politically-correct open-mindedness and
(b) when they actually LIVE their lives by those ideals I'll realize what a huge mistake I made
(c) if I expose them to these things, they'll innocently talk to their more sheltered friends about it and then my kids will be judged [and I will be judged, but I'm more concerned about my kids getting in trouble]
I can't go to the alternate universe where I was sheltered until I was a kallah (and then it forked into terror and misery and shame in one world and a wholesome, temimusdike, "only-have-eyes-for-each-other" s-xual awakening in the other)... or the world where I had a stronger desire to talk to boys as a teenager and less fear of repercussions from Hashem/my parents/my teachers... so I don't know what's the "best way". I really don't.
I hope I have siyatta dishmaya in raising my kids because I apparently missed the day in seminary when they passed out the bina yeseira brain uploads.
When it comes down to it, I want my kids to know, I want them to be able to have healthy relationships and attitudes toward s-x, and my only hesitation is because I'm scared I'll do it wrong. The concept doesn't make me uncomfortable in the slightest.
Last edited by bigsis144 on Thu, Feb 18 2016, 1:19 pm; edited 4 times in total
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amother
Silver
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Thu, Feb 18 2016, 1:00 pm
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An honest conversation would go include this: Boys have a thing called a pe***. It sticks out and can become hard when a boy feels a certain desire. Girls have an opening in their body called a va****. The boy puts his pe*** in the girls va**** and after awhile a sticky liquid called sperm comes out of the boy. When the sperm meets with the egg a baby can be made. Maybe I'm a prude but I am not exactly comfortable having this conversation. Thats why parents are "hesitant" to talk to their children about it. You might have 100 reasons why it's still important to do, but that's why parents are not running to have this talk.
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Ema of 5
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Thu, Feb 18 2016, 1:51 pm
| amother wrote: | | An honest conversation would go include this: Boys have a thing called a pe***. It sticks out and can become hard when a boy feels a certain desire. Girls have an opening in their body called a va****. The boy puts his pe*** in the girls va**** and after awhile a sticky liquid called sperm comes out of the boy. When the sperm meets with the egg a baby can be made. Maybe I'm a prude but I am not exactly comfortable having this conversation. Thats why parents are "hesitant" to talk to their children about it. You might have 100 reasons why it's still important to do, but that's why parents are not running to have this talk. |
If you're going to talk about sticking things in other places, you might want to discuss things like moving and thrusting, so you don't end up with a kid who thinks if you stay there long enough sticky stuff will come out. Wasn't there someone who posted about that not too long ago?
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cm
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Thu, Feb 18 2016, 2:08 pm
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Many adults, regardless of background, are uneasy using the correct names for the genitals, and are socially conditioned to find any talk about s*x embarrassing. It's hard for some people to get over that, even to teach their children.
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amother
Scarlet
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Thu, Feb 18 2016, 2:13 pm
| amother wrote: | | An honest conversation would go include this: Boys have a thing called a pe***. It sticks out and can become hard when a boy feels a certain desire. Girls have an opening in their body called a va****. The boy puts his pe*** in the girls va**** and after awhile a sticky liquid called sperm comes out of the boy. When the sperm meets with the egg a baby can be made. Maybe I'm a prude but I am not exactly comfortable having this conversation. Thats why parents are "hesitant" to talk to their children about it. You might have 100 reasons why it's still important to do, but that's why parents are not running to have this talk. |
Honestly, if this is how you view discussing the educating your child about relations I wouldn't want you to be the one who did so.
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amother
Silver
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Thu, Feb 18 2016, 2:24 pm
| amother wrote: | | Honestly, if this is how you view discussing the educating your child about relations I wouldn't want you to be the one who did so. |
fair enough. So tell me how you would explain it?
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gold21
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Thu, Feb 18 2016, 2:24 pm
Because its a private and personal topic. Thats why.
Same reason I wouldnt want to be my daughters kalla teacher.
I would much rather give my child a book to read on the topic than embarass him/her and myself by discussing such a personal issue with him/her. I think an appropriately worded book can be much more suited for s-x education than a parent. There are certain things that are just uncomfortable right off the bat when coming from a parent, and in my view this is one of them.
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