How much were you hit as a kid?

groisamomma

Sun, Feb 21 2016, 11:40 pm

busymom wrote:

I choked up when I read your first post. How sad that you - and other posters - had to grow up with such horrible abuse. Hug

I admire your perseverance and ability to laugh at such painful memories. I hope these laughter-filled conversations with your siblings bring all of you healing. Sending you love and I hope your life is filled with love and laughter now!

I tell my kids when they fight (they roll their eyes when I start and they finish my sentence by now lol), that at the end of the day the only people you can rely on are your siblings so you gotta stick together and be nice to each other! It saddens me more to hear about people that don't have that kind of support system and are all on their own. I can only imagine how lonely that must be with nobody to understand you. Spouses that haven't lived through it can't imagine it and I know my dh struggles to understand sometimes.

Rappel

Mon, Feb 22 2016, 4:29 am

amother wrote:

My parents never laid a hand on me. My father was frequently hit with a belt as a kid, which was not unusual in the 60s, and while he wasn't traumatized, he always felt it was stupid and lazy parenting that taught him nothing other than to avoid getting caught. He felt there were more effective alternatives and used those. I was not a difficult child, but I was a kid and did some typical kid things that were deserving of serious discipline. I do remember several incidents and the consequences, and the lessons learned. I agree with my father. Hitting is lazy and ultimately ineffective. I have also never raised a hand to my kids and never will.

Agreed. My father was a spanker (fully clothed, on the rear), until one day he threatened a potch if I didn't listen, and I did whatever the bad thing was anyway and then presented rear for fair punishment, glaring at him all the while. Seeing that it wasn't a deterrent, he stopped after that.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Feb 22 2016, 6:41 am

This thread is beyond sad.

My father was also verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. Funny enough, it was the emotional and verbal abusive that left so many more scares than any of the belts he hit us with. He did everything out of rage and depression. People thought he was such a good and capable single father. He moved us every few years always with an excuse but cutting our support lines each time. He had a very abusive childhood and was never helped. He transferred that abuse (albeit to a lesser degree) onto his children.

Yes, I have forgiven him and moved on. Forgiveness was for me and not for him. I don't love him, I don't hate him, I just don't care. But, I don't like being around him especially in public. He thinks he can hug me because I won't ask him to leave me alone in public. I need to address this issue.

No, I have never, ever hit my dc. I never will. When I find I'm angry, I go into my room and walk away. I will not repeat this cycle. I was helped, I have mentors and I will absolutely never abuse my dc in any form. My dh has lightly potched our dc on hands when they do dangerous things in the car. I.e. take off seat belt, pull door handle open. He speaks to them before he hits, he does it, he says sorry and holds them tight apologizing over and over telling them he loves them so much but we have to be safe. But, I still hate it with all my heart.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Feb 22 2016, 7:28 am

I was hit, pinched a lot. Yet I can't recall even one incident. I know for certain though that I was hit. However, the emotional and verbal abuse are so entrenched in my psyche, they have affected me to an enormous degree. It's the emotional barbs that I remember - each and every one.

I really believe that hitting is not such a big deal. I don't hit my kids because I don't need to - I communicate with them and we discuss bad behavior together. Sometimes if one of my kids does something real bad I ask him what he feels would be a fitting punishment. Yes really. I always reiterate that punishment is simply a means to teach you something - if you can learn without punishment why should I have to punish?!?! That's why I never punish for a first offense - I will talk to them, explain it to them, and agree on a punishment should it happen again (and they didn't learn..)

'Hitting' a persons core however? That is abuse and destroys a persons entire being. That is unforgivable. Its the sting that never goes away no matter how much you ice it. It becomes a belief about who you are and that is truly the greatest cruelty.

Ruchel

Mon, Feb 22 2016, 7:33 am

sequoia wrote:

I mean, it's pretty clear Laura's Pa wasn't abusive when he hit her with a strap for slapping Mary.

That.
The way he taught Laura to not go swim in a certain place is mega abusive in today's world, but I understand him. Especially in cultural context.

I pride myself on living in a city with (59?) differnt citizenships and really, I've seen all types of discipline as well as abuse (no, no one here will call police or what). Sometimes I did wonder is that abuse.
There's this video of a father shrieking insults and threats at his son who ran away in a shop, in the mike for lost announcements, and the security guy arrives and says "stop you disturb people". LOL.

amother

Natural

Mon, Feb 22 2016, 11:01 am

I feel so sorry for all the posters that went through horrific abuse. To the poster who's stepdad abused you, I am wondering if you wouldn't tell on him to the police. As you said, he is an evil man and I think he should sit behind bars!! And even the one who's mother nebach almost drowned you in the sink. I feel like you can and should report her! Certainly if there are any other kids at home. And even not, these are criminal acts. I imagine she is not normal, so let the state lock her up. Such awful stories up here.
I was never slapped. Grew up in much dysfunction though...My pet peeve of injustices in life is child abuse. It just breaks my heart for the poor helpless children.