How can a school really know

amother

Khaki

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 8:07 am

imasinger wrote:

OP, while there are limits to what a school can do or know, I want to brag on our local BY.

Part of this is because the menahel is an unbelievable tzaddik and educator. Some is because there are only about 60 girls in the entire school.

But the staff meets every other week, and discusses every single girl. Reviews the educational, social, emotional status of each one. Brainstorms about how to help each one succeed. Follows up by setting aside meeting times for each girl, inviting them to talk. Follows up with parents. Listens to their input as well.

It's a huge amount of work for the staff. But they make nissim happen every day. Even though, over the years, there have occasionally been girls who didn't thrive there, it wasn't for lack of effort.

I loved to read that there's such a school in existence.
May I ask where on earth this is?

PinkFridge

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 9:22 am

OP (and others), I don't know what to say. Two things that might be making a difference are:
- Aggressive testing and flagging students who are having kriah and reading issues. Getting a solid academic basis is so crucial for a child's success.
- Full-time or close to it counseling staff. Our school has "feelings teachers" who meet with classes as a whole and individual kids. If a child is going through a difficult or transitional situation at home it's almost a given the child will meet one on one or with a small group. Torah U'mesorah has spoken quite a bit about having a mashgiach in schools for boys. Of course, the people have to be competent but it's a good start.
- Our school has had people like Debbie Fox speak to the community (more than once) and school staff. There are staff members who have been specially trained to speak to classes about safety and abuse (very delicately) and teach the kids how to approach adults if they need help (starting with what to do if you're lost in a store).

Again, I can't say this will prevent everyone from falling through the cracks, but these are very positive developments.

amother

Natural

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 4:27 pm

Where are these amazing schools? Pink fridge? Imasinger?

I don't know if my school knew or not. My elementary school knew I was having trouble adjusting and they didn't help things. We needed partners for projects and I was never chosen. I often had to be the 3rd person when everyone else had just 2 to a group. Or I worked alone.
They knew this and saw this. Why didn't they intercede? Why did they keep using the same methods? Why didn't they assign the groups so I wasn't embarrassed every time? It was a class with huge cliques and they never even bothered to get to know me when I joined the school. If someone had tried it would have been a lifesaver.

I wish that teacher and others were on here.

amother

Natural

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 4:34 pm

How can a school know? We read constantly on here about why we should tip teachers and give generously- because they are with our kids most of their day. But are they paying attention? From the different threads here, I would think too often they are not. Or they don't care enough to look more than a surface glance.

amother

Orchid

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 6:02 pm

I am so saddened to read some of these posts. As a high school teacher myself, I find it especially heartbreaking because I can put the faces of some of my students behind some of your stories.
I teach in a Lakewood school and I can say one thing for myself, my fellow teachers, and the principals I work with. These students are on our minds constantly. The ones whose stories I know, and the ones who seem to have a story behind their actions. I constantly sit down with the principals, guidance counselor, and mechanecheses to discuss how to deal with different girls and situations. In our school, we have meetings four times a year to discuss every single girl in depth.
As for my direct interactions, I act differently depending on the particular situation and girl. If it is a girl who would be embarrassed by my knowing the situation, I treat her the same as any student, and any leniencies that I afford her, even she doesn't know about. With girls whose situations are more common knowledge, or who have shared them with me, I show them how I go out of my way to help them.
Very rarely do I attempt to get myself involved, usually because I know I am not qualified enough for these things, so I always bring things to the attention of the guidance counselor (a licensed therapist) and the principals. I also know that it is unwise for teachers to cross certain boundaries with students, causing them to have unhealthy relationships.
Most teachers that I know operate on a similar policy to this one, but I know that there are too many students still slipping through the cracks. It breaks my heart and I am always davening for them!

amother

Orchid

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 6:15 pm

amother wrote:

The "mechaneches" in my high school in Lakewood did more harm than good. She was a psycho. And the high schools in Lakewood have a thing that they don't hire social workers. It's not frum enough. 🙄🙄🙄

Im really sorry that you had that experience, but like I said, the high school I teach in in Lakewood doesnt have a social worker, it has a licensed therapist with close to 20 years of experience. Every teacher, mechaneches, and pricipal consults her before making ANY move, and after hearing any important information from or about a student

amother

Mauve

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 6:17 pm

amother wrote:

What's the difference between a social worker and a licensed therapist?

amother

Orchid

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 8:34 pm

amother wrote:

It's obviously not a typical Lakewood bais yaakov if they have a psychologist on staff.

believe it or not, it is! the students do not know her actual credentials so that they dont feel uncomfortable talking to her, they think she is a social skills teacher who sometimes talks so individual students.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Jun 22 2017, 8:33 pm

DD is in an oot school. She needs and has requested to go to alateen meetings. (for children of alcoholics). She has been denied. They send her to a therapist instead. The therapist tried pushing the alateen-denied. DD ended up in crises, part of the solution was that she go to alateen. Still denied!

AND THEY WANT ME TO SEND HER BACK THERE NEXT YEAR TOO!!!!

NOT HAPPENING.

amother

Maroon

Fri, Jun 23 2017, 12:13 am

amother wrote:

huh? you're the parent. why would the school be involved her attending the meetings at all?

amother

Seagreen

Fri, Jun 23 2017, 7:02 am

amother wrote:

huh? you're the parent. why would the school be involved her attending the meetings at all?

As an OOT school, they are in charge of her boarding too. And the rules they must follow. And if my dd is to get to a meeting, she needs s/o to drive her there. The boarding parents have to follow the schools rules and won't go against the principal.