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-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
cornflower
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Tue, Jun 27 2017, 10:39 pm
DD (14) was my most easy going child. Now she became super sensitive to everything. She can't stand when someone breathes too loud, chews too loud, sings, drums on the table, takes too long to tell a story, taps on her chair, etc. She criticizes and corrects the little ones constantly. They don't want to sit next to her bec. She will criticize them. I told her she needs to let the little ones be kids just like she had a chance... it's especially bad with the sibling who is a year younger than her bec. He enjoys annoying others (yes, we're working on that too) so every time she gets annoyed from something he's doing, he does it more. Then there's a huge argument.
It's been like this for a while and I wonder if there's anything we can do to help her be less sensitive to the environment around her. Or is this just a stage that she'll outgrow eventually. Its driving us crazy!
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salt
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Wed, Jun 28 2017, 3:12 am
Sounds so similar to mine! No advice - just breathe deeply. It will end.
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FranticFrummie
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Wed, Jun 28 2017, 9:31 am
She'll outgrow it. It will be worse before her period, and better afterwards - until it starts up again.
The best thing to do is ignore her fussing. Let her move her chair to the other end of the table, or into the kitchen if she's really bothered.
Explain to her that she is normal, and it's part of being a teenager. Telling her she's wrong will just ruin her fragile self esteem. If she can accept that you understand her sensitivity, it will make it easier for her to learn to manage it.
I did this with my DD, and she would tell me "I'm in a terrible mood. I'm going to my room." The ability to self regulate is priceless. Give her the space and permission to do what she needs to do to manage herself.
Remind her that it's OK to have moods and be sensitive, but it is NOT OK to take it out on other people. Let her know that she can remove herself from stressful situations.
Remember, young teens are basically big, articulate toddlers. They have a huge learning curve ahead of them. The only difference is that they can talk about their feelings.
Don't forget to breathe!
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amother
Natural
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Wed, Jun 28 2017, 9:54 am
If her younger brother annoys her as you acknowledge, why are so upset that she's getting annoyed?
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amother
cornflower
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Wed, Jun 28 2017, 10:39 am
It's not so much that he goes around annoying her but once she gets annoyed from something innocent hes doing then we go to massive argument because he wont back off easily. For example, he was mindlessly playing with the velcro strap of his baseball mitt and the noise of it annoyed her...
Truth is Im more upset that she does it with the younger kids when their doing regular kid stuff. For example, one of my younger kids takes a little bit longer for him to articulate himself. He was telling me a story he heard in school in the kitchen while I was cooking supper. She yells from the living room "Dont say a story if you can't say it without saying um a million times. Its so annoying to hear it." Later when the kids were in bed I explained to her why stopping to say stories is not the better alternative.
FF thanks for your post. I didn't think of it your way. I keep telling her to stop being sensitive. I'm going to explain to her its normal. I'm just worried that if I tell her to go to her room when she needs she'll become a loner in her room and disconnect from the family. Or is that what teens do anyway:/
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Super Mom
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Wed, Jun 28 2017, 11:17 am
Have you tried having a heart to heart chat
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amother
Bronze
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Thu, Jun 29 2017, 1:21 am
amother wrote: | It's not so much that he goes around annoying her but once she gets annoyed from something innocent hes doing then we go to massive argument because he wont back off easily. For example, he was mindlessly playing with the velcro strap of his baseball mitt and the noise of it annoyed her...
Truth is Im more upset that she does it with the younger kids when their doing regular kid stuff. For example, one of my younger kids takes a little bit longer for him to articulate himself. He was telling me a story he heard in school in the kitchen while I was cooking supper. She yells from the living room "Dont say a story if you can't say it without saying um a million times. Its so annoying to hear it." Later when the kids were in bed I explained to her why stopping to say stories is not the better alternative.
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OMG, your DD is my DD!!!!!
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amother
cornflower
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Thu, Jun 29 2017, 1:47 am
amother wrote: | OMG, your DD is my DD!!!!! |
Glad she's not the only one.
Actually I was reading up online about teenage sensitivities so I can understand her better and it seems this is part of teenage development. I'm still curious though if anyone has any tools I can give to help her not be overly sensitive to everything around her.
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FranticFrummie
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Thu, Jun 29 2017, 6:13 am
amother wrote: | Glad she's not the only one.
Actually I was reading up online about teenage sensitivities so I can understand her better and it seems this is part of teenage development. I'm still curious though if anyone has any tools I can give to help her not be overly sensitive to everything around her. |
I really think that allowing her to leave the area is the best way right now. Eventually she'll decide for herself if she wants to be with the family, or if she needs to be alone. My DD spent a good deal of time in her room, but when she came out it was because she was in a good mood and wanted to socialize and behave. Win/Win!
Let her have her privacy when she's struggling. Being sensitive is not something she enjoys, and she's not using it as an excuse to pick a fight or avoid you. It's neurological, and as you said, it's part of teen development. She's becoming more aware of her surroundings, but her ability to filter background noise has not caught up yet.
I guarantee she's much more stressed about it than you are, so show her some sympathy.
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amother
Sapphire
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Thu, Jun 29 2017, 7:34 am
OMG I am going through exact same thing with my 13 year old daughter. She did get her period few months ago but nothing changed.
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amother
cornflower
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Thu, Jun 29 2017, 9:07 am
FranticFrummie wrote: | I really think that allowing her to leave the area is the best way right now. Eventually she'll decide for herself if she wants to be with the family, or if she needs to be alone. My DD spent a good deal of time in her room, but when she came out it was because she was in a good mood and wanted to socialize and behave. Win/Win!
Let her have her privacy when she's struggling. Being sensitive is not something she enjoys, and she's not using it as an excuse to pick a fight or avoid you. It's neurological, and as you said, it's part of teen development. She's becoming more aware of her surroundings, but her ability to filter background noise has not caught up yet.
I guarantee she's much more stressed about it than you are, so show her some sympathy. |
That makes sense, I will encourage her to do that. Thx!
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Shoshana37
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Thu, Aug 17 2017, 9:05 am
I am in the same boat, my 13 year old is driving me insane
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